Melody Jacob

Body image is such a big deal these days. Yesterday, while having a destress day with my partner at Loch Lomond, I carried the book "Body Confident You, Body Confident Kid" by Dr. Charlotte Ord.

Before I even started reading, I browsed through the entire book. I wanted to understand how it was structured. This also helped me get to know more about Dr. Ord. As I read, her intentions became clear. Books like this are essential for parents, especially those who are struggling with their own body image. This can happen at any point in life. Although I haven't finished it yet, some chapters really grabbed my attention.

One thing I've always known is that a parent's struggle with body image can be passed on to their child. On the other hand, confident and positive parents tend to raise confident kids. In a society where everyone compares themselves and strives for an outward appearance of perfection, being a confident parent can make a huge difference for your children. Never underestimate the knowledge your kids gain from you. They learn primarily by observing how you carry yourself.

For me, my parents always told us we were beautiful. My mom consistently praised herself and talked about how lovely she looked. This really built my confidence. Because of this foundation, you can't tell me anything negative about myself. I know I am beautiful. This feeling held true even when I had a girl around me during medical school. She constantly tried to undermine my confidence. She would say things like, "Oh, you're so slim and have no flesh. Your breasts are small; what will a man touch? You don't have big bums, what will a man grab?" She was constantly trying to destroy my confidence because she saw how confident I was. I always wondered why.

Mind you, I have never had any issue with this girl, not for one day.

However, knowing what I know now, she was projecting her own insecurities onto me. Facially, she wasn't ugly. In fact, she was also beautiful, though not as beautiful as me – and I say that as a matter of fact. She was a larger woman, with good height and nice skin, but she had very low self-esteem. This led her to try and belittle me with her words. One of her friends even laughed and said she was jealous of me and wanted to look like me, which is why she always had something negative to say.

I knew that. However, there's more to the situation. She constantly talked about her boyfriend at the time, saying he liked thick women and could never be attracted to someone like me. I honestly didn't care about his preferences. Yet, somehow, I was always the topic of her conversations— always on her lips. Eventually, he ended up asking me out, and I definitely wasn't going to let that slide. Here's how it unfolded:

We all lived in the same house. I was in the kitchen one day when he came up to me and said I looked sad. I was sad because I had just received bad news that made it feel like my world was falling apart. I had failed my first trial after a lot of studying. One day, I'll share that experience and how it shaped me for life. To make the story short, he offered me a hug. While I initially thought it was a harmless gesture, his grip was uncomfortably tight. I thought, "Maybe this is just how he hugs," but he wasn't letting go. I had to physically pull away. Before this incident, he would frequently comment on my hair in the kitchen, saying things like, "Oh, your hair is beautiful, can I touch it?" in a way that was more personal than just a compliment. I would always respond with a simple "thank you." He commented on my style sense a lot—not in the right manner but in more of an I like you way, but I never took it to heart. 

 After the hug incident, I packed my things and moved out of the house I shared with his girlfriend the next day. She was angry about the way I left, even though our other friend, who also lived there, told her I left because of her actions. She never understood what our friend meant. 

That girl tried to bring me down and criticize my features, which were the same features her boyfriend was attracted to. He ended up dating a woman who had my body type. "He left her in a disrespectful way." She found out from her friends that he was dating another woman.

There are many people who struggle internally. Instead of seeking help, they create fake accounts on social media and insult others. Some have friends they admire, but instead of complimenting them, they constantly bring them down and give bad advice. Sadly, those friends might not realize it until it's too late. People who never let you make your own choices, always deeming yours as bad and only theirs as good, often suffer from low self-esteem. I've experienced this firsthand. I can confidently say that my parents did an excellent job of complimenting every aspect of me. Today, no one can tell me anything negative about myself. I know I am beautiful, and that's the end of the story. If you don't like my size, take it up with God.

"Body Confident You, Body Confident Kid" is such an inspiring read. It doesn't just focus on body-confident parents but also on how to raise body-confident kids. One thing I particularly appreciate about the book is the exercises you can do with your child. 

On page 216, she discusses how exercise is often viewed as purely a physical process by many. Exercise can be tough for some kids, and not just physically. If you don't feel like you have the "ideal" body, have sensory sensitivities, or aren't naturally athletic, gym class and sports can make you feel more self-conscious and ashamed. It's like you're already worried about how you look or what you can do, and then exercise just shines a spotlight on all of that.

Plus, let's be real, working out can suck. It can hurt, you get all sweaty and out of breath, and it's just plain uncomfortable sometimes. So, it makes total sense that as kids get older and start thinking more about themselves, they're like, "Nah, I'm good on that."

It's like we're wired to avoid pain, right? Whether it's your muscles burning or feeling embarrassed. And for a lot of kids, exercise is both of those things rolled into one. It's even worse when some adult is telling you exactly what to do and how hard to push yourself, like in PE. You can't even listen to your own body and what feels okay.

The writer also added that she even remembers this time in school when everyone had to run this super- long race. She was into sports and loved the challenge, but she saw other kids just chilling and chatting their way through it. At the time, she didn't get it. But now she realizes that those kids just didn't care about winning or pushing themselves like she did. They valued hanging out with their friends more than some dumb race, and they were smart enough to not do something that felt bad.