Thursday, September 3

At what point should you leave a toxic relationship?

A lot of people find it really difficult to leave a toxic relationship, this is very common because as humans we worry about what people say, how long we have been with that person and some even think they can not stop loving that person, might be true but no one should be comfortable in a toxic relationship.

This is not an easy process. Honestly, let me not make it sound like an easy process because it is not in any way an easy process. It will take time, patience, understanding, observation, self-awareness, and self-realization. It is important to know that being in a toxic relationship can ruin you and put people who care about your well being in constant worry and fear. The process may be so difficult, shameful but you have to come to the self-realization that your mental health should be protected at all times because this can drive you crazy and make you do things you never thought of doing. 

There are persons who need to draw strength from other people. It can be pretty annoying if you have a close friend or a loved one who is going through this phase. It can be so tiring advising them and watch them go back to that same toxic environment or relationship. Do not give up on them because one day, they will slowly but surely come to the realization and gather the strength to detach themselves from such circumstances.

Do not be ashamed and afraid to seek help from the right authority if need be.
If it's toxic, leave it silently or loudly. What matters is that you left.

At what point should you leave a toxic relationship?

Read more on mental health.



  1. I've been in lots of toxic relationships with friends. Ending them made me so much happier.

    Curated by Jennifer

    1. Most of the time, its like a circle you just keep going round and round until you come to a crash point. Never healthy.

  2. Toxic relationships are like : a person is aware of the poisonous content of a substance but pretends it wont hurt. I am glad you healed my darling, and you will find a perfect and beautiful healthy, relationship filled with happiness.

  3. When you’re sitting at your computer asking strangers and labeling it ‘toxic’. That is the time.

    1. This a direct answer to this question. When it feels toxic, it is toxic Nothing less, nothing more. Thank you for your answer.

  4. When you start believe it’s toxic !

    1. Well, there are people who are still in denial just because they want to find the truth from themselves. I think it is best to talk to the right people instead of waiting until you believe yourself because love clouds the mind, especially when mixed with toxicity.

  5. It's better to leave a toxic relationship silently before it's too late. Nice article you look so pretty.
    Have a nice day <3
    Kisses :)

    1. Totally right. Thank you for the compliment.

  6. The sooner the better. Once you have reached a level that you realize things are not going well continuously, it is not going to get better. When there is a loss of respect and escalating vitriol during arguments or disagreement, it is highly likely it will get worse. This is where family violence rears it’s head and always escalates. I went through a period in my life when the only option for me was to walk away. Many of the issues that we're poisoning our relationship were from previous unresolved issues.

    Often the issues are a result of previous experiences even before your relationship but unless those issues are dealt with and resolved they will influence a current relationship and toxicity will develop. There is a saying about someone having too much baggage. That is what this refers too, they are not starting with a clean slate.

    1. you are right, toxic relationship issues are hardly resolved and that is the sad truth. Most problems are recurrent from previous issues. I think the topic of toxic relationship should be raised in every marriage seminar and class. This has a big role to play in making or breaking a person.

      Thank you for taking time out to answer.

  7. As someone who has made a lot of mistakes in this area I have hesitated to comment. There have been several relationships where I wanted to leave but felt trapped, or tried again and again to make it work after repeated break-ups. Although I realised intellectually that just because i was attracted to someone it did not necessarily mean that a good relationship would be possible, or indeed that they would return my ardour. Even if there were mutual attraction it is not necessarily a good idea. It took me a long time to resolve that I would get to know someone before taking a relationship further, a resolve that I subsequently broke occasionally. However, even so I set some boundaries that if crossed would end the relationship. These were practical, such as ending a promising relationship with someone who threw something at me; or making a firm boundary about the use of drugs. I have a good relationship now that has proven itself over time, and there is mutual respect, trust and deep love, a willingness to challenge unhelpful behaviours and accept each other as equals. I doubt I could find a more loving relationship. I would put my trust in kindness. If there is unkindness, one must ask where that is coming from and know that if the reasons are insurmountable then it may be best to end the relationship. If a relationship is costing too much, physically (including financially) , mentally, emotionally or spiritually, if a relationship is causing pain, then I hope I would have the resolve to end it

    1. Point to be noted: just because you are attracted to someone and feel so much love for that person, it does not mean that a good relationship would be possible. The human feeling supersedes this reasoning as I said in my previous comment love clouds the mind and from psychological findings it grows toxically stronger in a toxic atmosphere if most love expressions are excused as mistake or overreacting.

      The glory of your words is: I have a good relationship now that has proven itself over time, and there are mutual respect, trust and deep love, a willingness to challenge unhelpful behaviors and accept each other as equals.
      Great advice from you. Thank you so much for your intelligent contribution.

  8. as soon as you know it can’t be fixed, or that you don’t want to invest in fixing it.

    1. Some people believe in the earthly theory that everything can be fixed except a dead human, they might be right but these theories do not work with/for everyone. I believe everyone has a level of character that another can read as toxic but in extreme toxic situations that involves physical and mental damages, it is best to leave.

  9. Replies
    1. Asap, this can not be overemphasized.
      For those who don't know the meaning of A.S.A.P it means: as soon as possible.

  10. When the mate begin to desrespect you with foul language.And when it becomes abusive physically.

    1. This sign is one of the most evident signs anyone can ignore.
      There are some couples who have a loud outburst in couple fights and misunderstanding, most people use the fuck you word, how do you differentiate between a non-loud toxic outburst from a toxic loud outburst?

  11. If you get the necessary help and find the same patterns being repeated over and over again, you should consider ending the relationship.

    The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. You should leave before losing your sanity.

    Wish you the best!

    Cansu Olc

    1. key POINT: When you are doing the same thing over and over again expecting to get a different result. The lesson from your point is that it all rotates in a circle of the same happenings all the time.

  12. When you feel you should..when you question it like you are now..when you realize it is toxic..no one should stay in a toxic relationship..he / she will NOT change..leave ASAP..no contact

    1. When the questioning begins, there you have your answer. Thank you, Rhonda.

  13. If it's harming you, then straight away. You need to do what makes you happy. That includes leaving a relationship that is toxic and you're no longer finding it fulfils you.

    Relationship shouldn't be toxic. It should be the opposite. A place where you're yourself and can grow as a person.

    There's a difference from working at a relationship and fighting one that is toxic. You need to fight for that which is worth it and brings the most joy.

    1. You made a clearly important point stating that ‘’relationships shouldn't be toxic. It should be the opposite. A place where you're yourself and can grow as a person.

      The significant aspect of defending which is right is what brings us to the self realization of knowing when to walk away and protect ourselves from mental or physical damage.

      Thank you for your comment and time.

  14. If the only time the “relationship” seems fine is when you are kissing and cuddling and the rest of the time you are arguing or ignoring each other, that is the sign of a toxic relationship. Life is too short for toxic relationships.

    1. Practical examples are very useful in issues like this. The funny part of this is the best example for about 70 percent of people in toxic relationships. The irony of it all is that just because they have stayed apart for long and the gap and urge to have that sexual fulfillment bids so high which are always mistaken for a deep strong feelings of love.


  16. ASAP. As soon as you know it's bad or can't be fixed. If you're in denial, the second you hear yourself having to lie to others in your life to cover your bad situation. Because even then, deep down you know x


  17. It is not always easy to recognize and admit that a romantic relationship is no longer satisfactory at all and that it probably comes to an end. However, it is better to open your eyes and face reality.

    He ignores your calls and does not answer your messages.
    You keep texting or calling her. For the moment, you can't help it. Only here, he ignores your calls and does not answer your messages. He may even have blocked your number. Maybe he has taken you out of social media. This proves that he no longer wishes to communicate with you in any way. Know that this is, unfortunately, a clear sign and that it is time for you to accept the end of your story

    He no longer answers you
    Certainly, he does not refuse to answer you, he does not cut off all communication. Only what he tells you is to move forward, to continue without him. This shows that he surely does not dare to be really direct because despite your breakup he respects you and does not want to hurt you. Only the facts are there … When your ex tells you to move on it is because he does not want to see you again and relaunch your story and he is perhaps even annoyed with your insistence. Admittedly it is not easy to hear but to continue to hope is useless if for him your story is finished.

    He blames himself
    He tells you "it's not your fault, it's me", "you can't help it". If he uses these kinds of breaking phrases it is because he is sending you the message that there is no point in insisting. Certainly, he tells you that you are not the cause of your breakup and that may reassure you but what you have to understand through these sentences is that for him it is useless to try to settle things, you will not get there.

    He makes you understand that it comes from him and that there is, therefore, no way to restart your story because he does not want it. For him, it is his way of cutting off all relationships with you. Accept things as they are and move forward on your side.

    You can find more in this article : 7 Signs Your Ex Has Moved On - EXPERELATION

  18. Short answer - You just know it. It's never a surprise.

    Long answer -

    Well here you go!

    Before getting on to the "signs" I just want to let you know that it is normal for a relationship to fade with time and end. This simply means that the person wasn't the right one for you. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or them. It just means that both of you as a team, were not very compatible together.

    So here are the signs that a relationship is on the verge of ending or is fading out

    The calls/texts/conversations become less frequent.
    So, this happens over time and we fail to notice it or even if we realize it, we simply brush it off assuming that they are busy. Well, that might be true but, if they are into you, they'd definitely make some time for you.

    Trust me, no one can be busy 24x7. It's all about priorities.

    Same goes for spending time with each other. You'll realize that they're always busy with their friends or family and don't really spend a lot of time with just you.

    2. They stop putting in the effort.

    The key to a strong relationship is consistency. The efforts that both of you put in should be consistent and as a team.

    But, when you realize that you're the only one who's trying to make the relationship work or the only one who's initiating the conversation or planning dates etc. while they just seem disinterested, then that's a clear sign that it's over and you haven't realized it yet.

    3. You don't fight anymore.

    Well, this might seem a good thing but it's not. Healthy fights are good in a relationship. It shows that both the people are equally engaged.

    When a relationship fades away the other person doesn't really care or negotiate anymore. They "always" agree with you.

    Being agreeable is great, but when your partner or the couple is always agreeable and indifferent, the spark is clearly gone and the fight to stay in the relationship is gone.

    4. They aren't your closest friend.

    When something really huge (good or bad) happens in your life, for example, you got a promotion or lost a loved one or anything else, who is the first person you tell? If it's not them, then that's a clear sign that they aren't as important to you as they should be. This goes both ways.

    Being attracted to someone is great, but in order to keep a relationship going, both of you should be like best friends. If that's not the case, probably that's not a good sign.

    5. You feel alone even when you're together.

    This is one of the biggest problems in most relationships. You're physically together but emotionally apart. So, even when you are with them you don't feel connected to them. You don't share that emotional bonding anymore.

    Emotional connection and support is essential in a relationship. You should feel complete.

    6. You start to question the relationship.

    Do I really want to commit to this person? Is he/she worth it? Do I deserve to be treated the way he/she treats me? Do I see a future with him/her? Do I even love him/her? Is he/she on the same page as me?

    It's good to question yourself from time to time but if the answers seem uncertain then it's probably time to rethink and evaluate where the relationship is going.

    When these questions start popping up more frequently, it's your inner being nudging you elsewhere.

    7. There's a lack of intimacy

    They may kiss you often but, it doesn't seem like they mean it. Similarly, there's a lack of intimacy in the relationship. Sure you get comfortable with time and hence it's not always as exciting as it used to be, but the chemistry doesn't fade away. The passion stays. If there's a lack of intimacy then you're nothing more than "just friends" with them.

  19. 8. You start noticing their flaws more often than their strengths.

    When you're in love with someone, you tend to see the good in them more readily than the bad. If you lose sight of all of the positive qualities that made you interested in your partner in the first place, it could be a sign that things are heading south.

    Notice the way you talk about them to your friends. Are you excited? Do you have that cheeky smile on your face? Do you have good words to say about them?

    If you realize that when you talk about your partners to your friends, you're mostly complaining and bad mouthing them, then that means that the relationship is on the verge of breaking.

    9. You don't talk about the future anymore.

    When you're in love, you want to spend the days ahead of you with that one person. You plan or talk about future without realizing it. You're excited about your future as a couple.

    But, if that's not the case then it simply means that you may need them around for now, but definitely not in future. And that's not at all a good sign.

    10. They just don't care

    They don't care what's going on in your life or if you're flirting with someone else or if there's a crisis in your relationship. It doesn't matter to them. They are least interested. If that's the case, it's over.

    11. You just know it.

    As I said before, when a relationship is about to end, you just know it. You get a gut feeling.

    You can sense it in the other person's mood or body language, even though nothing has occurred and they haven't said anything. Yet, you pick up on something and have a hunch or a gut instinct that something is going on between the two of you.

    In the long run, it's probably better to listen to that voice and do something about it rather than tamping it down.

    So these were the major signs that a relationship is on the verge of breaking. As I said before, it goes both ways. So, if either of you feels this way then it's time to sit down and do "the talk".

    I suggest, before assuming anything and taking a strong action, it's better to discuss the issue with them and figure out what's wrong and based on that decide what's best for both of you.

    Relationships end. That's a part of life. You can't avoid it. It's not your fault. It's not theirs. It's the brutal truth. Accept it and learn from the experience.

    Life goes on!

  20. It’s time to break up with her when you notice one or more of the following: (My opinions only and is subjective),

    OVER BOSSY - When you become like an employee than you know she is toxic! She gets all the attention and she does not listen to you or care for your opinions but always wants it her ways… A relationship is not an employment contract!!
    DISTRUST - This can happen if either one of you has betrayed the other you realise that there is trust issues. Like she wants you to be on time and persistently questions you whenever you run late. And even when you are out with your friends she still asks you where the hell you’ve been. Bro leave her dumb ass!!
    VIOLENT - This is an obvious one. She gets all frustrated and gets physical all the time. And you know what all this feminists say?? Don’t hit women!! Fuck you all if she hits like a man are you gonna just stand there and go Baby please?? You gotta defend your manhood bro!! Anyways if she is always like that about every little thing leave as soon as possible cause this ain’t fun. The make up sex will be but still not healthy!!
    NO YOU TIME - That’s when she don’t respect your quiet time or she does not want to give you time to yourself. Always wants to be with you. Ladies guys deserve some alone time to play Call of Duty!! Not everyday but at least she should respect your alone time so should you. If she can’t let you have your alone time leave that invading force!
    HATES YOUR FRIENDS - If she hates your friends from high school or uni or longtime friends you need to let that woman go. We all have friends so we discuss certain things that we can not discuss with our parents or girl friends with them. Look at it this way if she does not respect or like your friends now think about what will happen when you twos decide to get married. Do you want to be that lonely guy sipping whiskey neat at the bar??
    These are somethings that I think should warrant you to exit that relationship you are in. There may be more but as soon as you think your relationship has run its course and you wanna leave jump bro jump into the ocean and catch those lovely fish!!

  21. Often we get stuck in relationships that no longer bring us happiness. This is a relationship without which we would be much better. But most of us are afraid to admit that it is time to let go. Or they are so confused in their feelings and situations that they are not aware of the obvious things.

    Here are 12 signs that now is the time for you to go your own way and let go of the things or people who do not serve us positively.

    1. You are not happy

    You always cry. You feel depressed all the time, and it affects your well-being, your productivity, your energy, and your mood.

    2. You have stopped communicating

    If the contact with the partner is practically zero, then this is a clear sign that the most important factor (communication) is absent. You cannot build a strong connection if you do not have communication.

    3. You no longer know what you mean to him/her

    You do not know if he loves you because he does not say this. You don’t even know if he likes you because his actions do not show attraction or admiration.

    4. He/she is no longer what they were

    Something has changed, and something is wrong. Be it a change in behavior or just another side that you have not seen before. And I do not mean minor changes, I mean changes that make you doubtful if you may have underestimated this person when you first saw him, or if they pretended to be someone else to impress you.

    5. You have no answer when people ask you about him/her

    You no longer know what to say, you do not know whether you are together or not. You do not know if you are dating or it was just a romance, and now it's over.

    6. In fact, you do not trust him

    You do not think that he/she will support you, because they have disappointed many times already. You do not think that he will fight for you if you leave. You do not think that he/she will protect your heart because they continue to break it.

    7. There is more distance than proximity

    If your time together is short, cold, indifferent and more like a commitment, then this is a sign that the relationship will end soon. If you do not get closer, then you are definitely moving away from each other.

    8. You feel that all this is necessary only to you

    You always make an effort, you always reach out or find ways to fix what is broken. You constantly give and give, but you receive very little in return.

    9. Are you offended?

    If you carry a lot of negative emotions, anger, and bitterness because of what he/she forced you to go through, then you will never be in a healthy mental or emotional state, because you still suffer from his actions or from how he relates to you.

    10. You are still fixated on his “potential”, and not on who he really is

    When you truly love someone, you tend to believe that he will eventually become who he is capable of being. But sometimes real life is not so romantic, and this person remains the same because he is simply not ready or does not want to change. Your love will not always be a magic wand that turns him into that amazing person that he could be.

    11. Everyone tells you that you deserve better

    If your friends and family keep telling you that it’s not worth it that you deserve the best, or that you need to move on, listen to them because they want the best for you, and they can see that this relationship is draining and fraying.

    12. At heart, you know that it's over, but you just don’t want to admit it

    In the end, we have a strong intuition that warns us when something is wrong, or when it is time to leave, but sometimes we prefer to ignore our intuition. We want to believe that there is still hope if we try harder. If your intuition tells you that it's time to say goodbye, do it no matter how difficult it is. You will still thank yourself for this.

    Wellness coach, Digital Marketer,Startup enthusiast, Blogger

  22. We were on our way to Orlando, Florida over the Christmas holidays. The objective of this trip was to see if we could overcome three years of separation and heal all the painful memories usually attached to troubled marriages.

    The Air Canada departure lounge was full of young families with children ranging in age from infants to late teens. I sat with my husband waiting for the boarding call. Sleeping blissfully in my arms was our six-year old daughter, who had been very excited about going on a trip as a “family” (and all that this implied to a young mind who couldn’t understand why her mommy and daddy lived in separate houses).

    Directly across from us was a family consisting of a middle-aged husband, his considerably younger wife, a son and daughter in their late teens, and a toddler just recently started walking. The husband wore an expensive looking Stetson over his receding hairline. Around his waist was a matching leather belt with loud buckle pulled one notch too tight, causing his ample girth to bubble out over the top of his snug designer jeans. Alligator skin cowboy boots completed his casual look. His wife was tall and slim, with long blonde hair and a face worthy of the cover of any glamour magazine. The teenage son and daughter, who looked only a few years younger than their step-mother, watched with curiosity at the antics of their father’s new baby son. The youngest member of their family provided a focal point for everyone’s attention, displacing any propensity for awkwardness that such an infrequent gathering of old and new family members might invoke. The father observed his brood with obvious satisfaction.

    I glanced at my own husband wondering what he thought about the blended family sitting opposite us. I smiled a little when I saw that he had put on his sunglasses. It was not yet 6:00 A.M. and the sky was still dark outside the wall-to-wall windows in the departure lounge. When I followed the vector of his eyes, my smile faded and a familiar sadness took its place.

    Feeling a set of eyes on me, I looked over at the Stetson man who was indeed observing me and my husband, and who had clearly taken in and understood the significance of the visual interactions. There was something in his eyes as his gaze shifted between my husband and me – a knowing – that I refused to allow entry into my thoughts.

    At that moment the boarding call was announced. I gently roused my daughter and prepared my family to join the line. Taking a moment to go the ladies room, I carefully re-applied my smile, tucked in my hope, and adjusted my expectations, before re-joining my family.

  23. Anonymous9/03/2020

    In the fall of 2016, I met a tall, handsome, charming, young man on a dating website. He had a great job in finance, was always punctual to our dates, was extremely engaging, and made me feel like a million bucks. Additionally, it didn’t hurt that he had a six-pack, and biceps to die for. I thought I’d hit the jackpot.

    Only, I never felt that we connected deeply on anything, which was painfully obvious after the euphoria from the first couple of dates faded. That was the first time, the little voice in the back of my head told me I should let this be and move on, find someone more compatible. But, I refused to listen. Relationships need time to mature, right?

    Two months in, I asked him if he would like to be exclusive. I wanted to give this a fair shot. It was met with a lukewarm response, and a “Yes” that seemed more of a ‘damnit-she-might-leave-if-i-don’t-say-yes’ than an ‘I-would-love-to.’ That was the second time the little voice spoke up again and told me to either address the issue head on, or just leave if I couldn’t bother myself to do it. Yet again, I decided to ignore it.

    Another month or so goes by and by this time, he had already met all of my friends, whereas the only friends of his that I’d had the pleasure of meeting were either his roommates who inevitable ran into me when I stayed over at his place on a weekend, or friends of his that we accidentally ran into while out on a date in his neighborhood. Every time that would happen, he would either not introduce me at all, or just introduce me by my name, and leave it at that.

    Not, “Hey, meet so-and-so, my girlfriend.”

    It was always “This is so-and-so.” Period.

    I didn’t think too much of it at the time, until he started posting pictures from our dates on social media, which were all curiously stripped of me. A selfie taken in the mirror before we left for our first Orchestra show - no trace of me. A picture of the food we ate at brunch - again no mention of me. None of the pictures that we took of the two of us together ever made it onto the platforms. Now the little voice was getting more insistent. I decided to ignore it for the third time.

    Fast forward a couple of months and the relationship started crumbling as any relationship that lacks a strong foundation inevitably does. I started losing interest because I finally started seeing my boyfriend for the dull, boring, simple-minded, superficial man-child that he really was. His dumb jokes that were once endearing, started getting on my nerves, as they got progressively more racist. The voice was no longer little. I still decided to ignore it.

    I persisted, because I wanted to give the relationship a “fair chance” and I told myself that I was being unfairly judgemental and that a couple of months wasn’t enough to really get to know someone.

    The lack of commitment on his end however, was becoming glaringly obvious. I stopped really hearing from him unless he had to make plans or had a specific question for me. One fine morning, I found out from a friend that he was actually still active on the dating site where we had initially met. She had apparently stumbled on his still very active profile while spending a slow Saturday night swiping for a match. I re-activated my own account to check for myself and monitored his activity for a couple of nights to be absolutely sure, before subtly confronting him about it.

  24. Anonymous9/03/2020

    “What? No,” he lied blatantly, to my face when I asked him if he was still active on the app.

    “Are you sure?” I gave him another chance to come clean.

    “Yeah,” he insisted, “Absolutely.”

    “Look, it’s okay if you want to keep your options open. I’d rather you just let me know so that we can re-evaluate what that means for us. I’m not mad.”

    It was true. I was almost relieved. I could now end this farce without feeling like I’d let go of something good.

    This seemed to unnerve him a bit.

    “Maybe I forgot to deactivate the profile, but I haven’t really opened it in a while”

    “So, you’re telling me that the ‘last online’ stamp that says you were on it last night is inaccurate then?”

    By now he was visibly uncomfortable

    “Fine, I’ve been online. But I just flip through girls on it when I’m bored. I don’t really talk to them”

    Maybe he was telling the truth, maybe not. But it no longer really mattered. I told him, very firmly so, that we needed to take a break at the very least, because this wasn’t really working for me anymore.

    He spent the next two weeks relentlessly pursuing me, and assuring me that he really meant no harm with his continued forays into the online dating world. He said he was just being an idiot, and that he’d deleted it for good now. He then proceeded to send me flowers to work, chocolates home. Sent apologies via friends until I finally decided to give in again. Shut up! I told the voice of reason. It doesn’t hurt to give him another chance. That was the fifth time I’d made the same mistake again, despite knowing better.

    I can go on and on, but this post is already getting too lengthy, so I will tell you how it ended. We broke up three months after getting back together again, because it just never got better, and I had to finally open my eyes, and call a spade a spade.

    The relationship was toxic. It had no anchor. It was superficial in every way possible. There were red flags at every step, big and small. It never had a chance. But I held on, because I mistook the voice of reason for paranoia.

    So if you ask me, when that little voice in the back of your head tells you to leave, for whatever reason, you leave.

  25. I didn’t get the feeling that I was ready to end my 14 years of un unfulfilled marriage. I knew from my heart that I had suffered from more than enough abuse and neglect. It was time to cut my loses and start afresh. That was the most important and healthy decision I have ever made for myself. My emotions were dead by the time I made this, what has been the toughest decision because it concerned the future of my three sons, not just me.

    When we do something that scares us and waiting until we are ready to do it, we rarely achieve the objective. Why? Our emotions gets in the way and tell us “Oh but it’s too scary and frightening to go into the unknown, let’s just stay where we are because we are comfortable here!”

    Ending a relationship is scary for most of us, if not all of us because of the emotions involved. Our inner voice tells us that it’s too scary to go into the unknown, let’s stay where we are comfortable, even when our minds know that ending the relationship is what we must do. The fight starts with the mind and heart, time and time again.

    When I ended my 14 years of an unfulfilled marriage, I had no job that paid me enough to feed myself and my three sons, I had no money to my name and I knew it was what I must do for myself. I wanted to set myself free from all the abuse, neglect and abandonment from my ex husband.

    It was the most uncomfortable and vulnerable experience of my life. I knew I would lose our marital home that my three sons enjoyed living in. I knew I would be struggling tremendously in all areas of my life. I knew it would be an uphill struggle everyday. The struggles have helped me to realise that I am a much stronger woman than I could ever imagine. It was all the years of abuse from my parents then my ex husband that damaged my confidence and belief in myself. The first five years of being a single mother has been the most challenging. Yet I am so proud of myself for making the toughest decision ever for myself. To live for myself and set myself free from years of abuse.

  26. I couldn't agree more with leaving it quietly. Why continue to follow the vicious cycle of violence with words or actions?


  27. You're absolutely right. Sometimes the best thing we can do is to leave.

  28. I read this quote and it's really meaningful,

    When you're in love with those memories more than the person, it's time to leave.

  29. It's not easy but sometimes it's the best option.

  30. When the thought of him/her is a total bore. You may have outgrown him/her. Or the other way around. Even in female friendship, it shriveled, wrinkled, over time. It happens. Move on, look for another friends that excite your life and perk up your life. Time is short to mope around for something that doesn’t dazzle us anymore. As long as you didn’t hurt her, continue growing

  31. The proper answer for this is before you get into it. But if you are already in it, the proper answer is as quick as possible. The more you tolerate it, the worse it gets and the harder it is for you to leave. It is not always good to turn a blind eye.

  32. In 2003, I dated a woman who was a few years older than me.

    Some background of her: she was married when we knew each other but was not happy as it was forced upon by her mum. She had depression and self-checked into a psychiatric hospital and I had visited her frequently. Shortly after she was discharge, I gave her financial and mental support (paid for her room rent as she had trouble staying with her family), and helped her in whatever way I could. Eventually, she landed a pretty high profile job and as time went by and her career took flight, I sort of became the support role in our lives, helping her with small errands while she takes the “busy executive” role with much of her time committed to work, offering a listening ear to her whenever she needed someone to talk to.

    Sex were great, however, as time passes, I realised that we were distancing apart due to her work commitments and she was steadily rising in the ranks of her company. I talked about wanting to move forward by joining her firm since it appears prospective. That was when I noticed she was looking too big to fit her own shoes as started verbally abusing me, saying things to put me down such as “if you are so capable, try surpassing me” over dinner.

    Though she had the financial capacity to even buy me an air ticket to where she was outstationed, I declined as I wanted to proof my own worth and not rely on her financially.

    Things got so bad that when I tried talking about surpassing her after fulfilling her sexually, she would get edgy and start abusing me. Throughout this period, I did not refute her much after seeing her abusive nature, and it came to stage that when she texted me to share her woes, I ignored her as I know that if I gave her what she wanted, she would still not show me the least respect.

    With all these in mind, I decided to walk out in 2008.

    I met her once many years after I walked out of our relationship, for a very brief chat and she appeared more mellowed, probably due to her pride lost when she was fired by her ex boss in that high-flying role she had.

    Many years thereafter, she attempted to contact me (via email) saying that she missed and wanting to see me. Prior to this, I was already dating someone else and out of respect for my then girlfriend (now wife), and the mental pain my ex had caused me, I only responded to interrogate her to explain how she feels about all the pain and suffering she had put me through - and she could not explain herself.

  33. When you begin to feel alone in the relationship! It has begun to feel like a task rather than a date, you aren’t having fun, just going through the motions. At he end of the night you just want to go home to bed, to relax and sleep. Your partner no longer excites you, mentally or sexually, so you think about dropping her/him off and going out with friends to have fun. Those are just a few of the relationship death knells!

  34. If you are asking it probably is. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where I don’t 100% see a future and don’t wake up excited to be with that person. Don’t settle for less.

  35. Your heart will let you know for sure when you have no longer what do you once had Please do not allow yourself to become unhappy

  36. When you both have outgrown the relationship. You know it can never go any further. You have different interests and friends.

  37. When you are no more a priority. When what you say or do upset your partners. When your instinct is teling you to go.

  38. When it doesn't feel right for you anymore and that's all that counts because when it's this person's turn they wouldn't give you a second thought.

  39. Relationships are not meant to last forever, all relationships got a beginning, middle and an end, whether it is death, divorce or breakup. The most important thing about relationships isn’t about figuring out how to make it last forever, but able to enjoy and cherish the time you got together and able to let go when it is time to let go.

  40. When it doesn’t benefit you anymore. I.e. the cons outweigh the pros. If you’re at a point where you’re faking it or forcing it, is it worth it anymore?

  41. In my opinion, when all you do is fight, there is no open communication…or…there is not fighting…but the other person, is open to communication…but there is no change…make sure you are heard, on what, is really holding this connection down…not progressing in unity…if they keep choosing to ignore your crys, or wishes..then you must ultimately leave this relationship…you need to be heard…this is respect and love and understanding for what the relationship needs…and if they are choosing to ignore it…but keep the peace, by not stirring things up to much, to really notice…doesnt matter!…you have noticed…on not being heard…its like your ship is sinking…may day may day…and they just tell u….” Ah let it sink..come aboard mine”…No…that isn't working for me…It is you!…but definitely not me…( does this make sense?) It's equal give and take…you must have it…its a must…✌����������

  42. When it seems to be going nowhere and you feel lost and trapped, and the happiness is completely gone, it’s time to go!

  43. As soon as you see that someone doesn’t respect you. Or as soon as you see that a person doesn’t love you. Or as soon as you feel you don’t love a person anymore. Or when his/ her behavior doesn’t go well with your values. Or at any time when you feel that you want to leave. You don’t own anything to anybody unless you have kids or are married. Then rules are slightly different.

  44. Relationships are ever complicated and consist of so many variables love / hope / plans / happiness / being comfortable and knowing you’ve found your forever partner… so many boxes to tick..

    If you’re restless and not ticking those boxes you’ll know it’s time to move on .. the worst thing is to stay in a lost relationship.

  45. When u feel they gave up and not willing to fix or talk anything out

    when you keep telling ur self I need to get out don’t worry about how they will feel cause they don’t care about You if they did then you know u wouldn’t be going though all this to start with I know it’s hard u have to run through a lot of people to

    find the best for you

  46. In the summer of 2018, I was deep in counseling trying to address my fear of dating and relationships when I started a dating profile on Coffee Meets Bagel.

    My therapist was super proud of me when I decided to go on a date with a match I’ll call Bill.

    Bill and I went on a spur of the moment date to a local restaurant. I should explain that I have cerebral palsy and often use a wheelchair on my bad days and Bill was a full time wheelchair user with a rare but stable medical condition.

    I laughed a ton during the date and we had great conversation but I wasn’t attracted to him.

    I’m a firm believer that chemistry and physical attraction can develop and as someone who has been written off by men due to my disability, I always like to give guys a fair chance.


    I just couldn’t shake that this wasn’t right.

    At the end of our date, Bill asked for a second date for the very next day.

    I was flattered and because our conversation was so good, I said yes.

    I had a rough time sleeping that night. One of the reasons I was in counseling was because I had a long history of dating guys I wasn’t really that into and I was trying to get to the root cause. I always felt like it was deeper than just low self esteem.

    The next day, Bill texted me to cancel our date and reschedule for another day. I told him I didn’t think we should go out again.

    I honestly thought that was the end of the story and then about five months later we reconnected. I received a lot of pressure from my friends to give him another chance, basically because they said I was being shallow.

    So after being thoroughly guilted into giving Bill a second chance, I dated him casually for almost a year. He never asked for a commitment and neither did I.

    I really wanted to be in a committed relationship with a guy but I was just not attracted to Bill. There was no physical attraction and while we had good conversation, I really didn’t have an emotional attraction to him either.

    It wasn’t until I was having lunch with a girlfriend that I finally had some sense talked into me. She’s been married to a wonderful man for almost twenty years and I respect her opinion so when she told me to cut Bill loose, I paid attention.

    She asked me how I would feel if I were dating a guy who wasn’t attracted to me. I told her I’d feel pretty lousy. She nodded and said, “you deserve to be with someone you’re attracted to physically and emotionally. No one should be guilting you to settle.”

    It was during that conversation that I realized that I always dated guys that were into me when I wasn’t into them because I never wanted to be like the guys that blew me off because I have a disability. But leading guys on was just as terrible.

    I ended things with Bill shortly after that conversation and made a decision that the next guy I date will be someone I’m actually into. I’m not afraid to say no to a guy I don’t want to date out of fear that I will be seen as someone super shallow.

    So that’s progress.

  47. Basically it's time to leave a relationship when your partner is treating you bad or you no longer have love for them. If you no longer care for them the best time to tell them would be immediately do not lead them on as that will not be good for either one of you

  48. Not really sure about knowing when too leave a relationship! I’ve gone a week with no contact with a man I care & love & it’s a sad lonely feeling. I didn’t block him we just keep avoiding each other. I reach out & he runs faster.

  49. If you no longer feel the warmth, affection and closeness that used to be in your relationship, either from you to him or vice versa, then it's time to get out, because one or other of you have drifted apart.

    People in loving relationships should share the same goals, have the same desires, place you first and foremost in their lives and always give you their undying love and attention. Their time should be yours, and when you are not together you should be thinking of one another and aching inside because you are away from each other.

    If you don't feel this way about your partner, or you believe that he/she does not feel this way about you, then get out of the relationship and find someone better suited to you and invest your time and effort with that person.

    Life is only as difficult as you make it!

  50. Lay down some basic rules around what you expect from the relationship and what you won’t tolerate

  51. It's tough to know when it's time to leave a relationship, especially one which you feel you have invested so much in and one where you still have strong feelings for that person. There are so many signs which we chose not to see when we are in love but which become clear after we find the strength to break free. I would say it's time to leave a relationship if any kind of abuse is involved whether this is physical or mental. Its time to leave a relationship when all you have left from this person is memories of how things used to be but you don't recognise or like the person they have become or when you don't like who you become around them. It's time to leave when it becomes clear through the person's actions that they do not care about you - I personally found it was time to leave when I found time and time again that he had no problem going to sleep knowing I was crying only to re- appear a few days later like nothing had happened. This cycle carried on and on and I put an end to things before things would put an end to me.

  52. When you don’t feel that it is a relationship anymore. When it feels one-sided, when it feels like it has lost what made you want to begin the relationship in the first place. When you feel like both you and your partner just don’t want to be together. When you both stop fighting for the relationship. And obviously, if it becomes abusive or manipulative, or there’s any infidelity of any kind on the part of any partner.

  53. Hello ���� I unfortunately have had to ask myself this question in the past many times. First of all I apologize that you guys are having issues right now. I’ve learned how to evaluate a relationships status from professional therapist btw. Please get a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side write the positive aspects of the relationship on the other side write down the negative. If the negatives outweigh or contradict the positives, you may not be able to salvage the relationship. The final straw before break up with me, have been when the dealbreakers occurred. You can actually google Dr.Phils relationship dealbreakers and see for yourself what they are. There are certain behaviors you shouldn’t accept, ever. Now if the positives happen to outweigh the negatives and they make the negatives on your list look minuscule then you may actually be able to salvage and repair the relationship. Dealbreakers such a violence, cruelty or neglect should be taken seriously and signal it is time to go for your wellbeing. I hope this is helpful and best of luck to you guys ❤️

  54. When both parties involved are not communicating and not putting their best efforts to solve the problem. And it is always a one way train and you are not growing or you can say, you are not best of yourself when you are with this person.

    Best of luck!!

  55. Nice to look you again!

  56. Very nice really amazing post thanks for this.

  57. I don’t know all the circumstances, If you live with this person or not …

    BUT…. I think this could be a dangerous person, the most peaceful thing you can do is cut contact. No contact. Block them on everything. Take care of your mental health. I’m pretty sure there’s trauma to your nervous system when you’re in a relationship like this, allow yourself time to heal. There may not be any peaceful way other than just leaving and cutting contact, if this person is controlling and obsessive they will probably try to convince you to stay, and you’re obviously seeking to leave.

  58. I understand these things you are going through right now because I had a boyfriend in my past relationship that I had the exact same issues that your partner has now.

    These are the things that I did to finally end my verbally abusive relationship with my former boyfriend. It’s always a good idea for me to help other people on this Quora website so they can learn from my past dating experience. It’s only someone like myself who has been through this before that can give their first hand experience to you.

    The first thing you should do is to either take some of your free time and find a quiet place and talk to your boyfriend in person first is more effective than sending your boyfriend an text message or an email these things the text message and the email are second choices if you don’t feel comfortable talking to your partner face to face at your apartment.

    You need to tell your partner your true feelings about your situation with your relationship. Just say something like this but be very calm when you tell your partner this statement. Don’t tell your boyfriend yet that you’re going to break up with him and end your relationship with him now. Because if you tell him now he will get really upset with you and he will be yelling at you. That’s not safe for you.

    Just tell your boyfriend that you need to take a break from your relationship now and your going to take (one week) off from your relationship with your partner. Then say you need this time and space for yourself because you want to get your life together and you need want to rethink your relationship you have with your partner now. Be very honest and tell your boyfriend or your partner that your not happy with the way your partner has been mistreating you. I mean he doesn’t respect you or your feelings on issues you talk to him about .

    Say this you don’t feel comfortable in your relationship with him now. Tell him you need to take this (Emotional Break from your relationship) with him. That’s enough to tell him you need this time off for yourself and your peace of mind.

    You should just go slowly because you don’t want to upset your controlling boyfriend since by your question on this Quora website it sounds like your boyfriend is verbally abusive to you and has this problem. Please be careful and always stay safe first.

    if you are currently living with your partner now at his home now. Your partner has a lot of control over you because it’s his own place. You need to be very careful not to make him upset with you.

    After you have talked to your boyfriend then get ready to leave him the same day or the next day. Call up your good woman friend or even call your parents and ask them if you can stay with them for only (one week), because you’re taking a (one week break) from your boyfriend right now and say to your woman friend or to your mom that you need to get your life back on track now. Hopefully either one of these people will allow you to stay with them for one week.

    This one week time off will give you the opportunity to find out if you can stand on your own two feet without having your boyfriend in your life. You need to show your boyfriend that you can survive without having him in your life now. Your boyfriend is thinking in his mind right now that you need him for emotional support. No you don’t need your partner for emotional support you can and you will make it on your own without your partner controlling your own life.

    Please call your parents and your good woman friend so you have this emotional support from them . Don’t do this alone . You are not alone, I am here to also give you empathy and my support. I have gone through this exact thing myself. If you want someone to talk to, please you can talk to me on here. Just send me a message and I will respond back to you promptly.


  59. Afterwards, try to also get really good advice from your parents regarding your situation with your controlling and your obsessive partner. Your parents should be able to give you their thoughts on your relationship with your partner. I believe your parents will agree with me for you to start preparing to LEAVE your boyfriend.

    When you are at his place start packing up your clothes and anything that’s important to you, take these things with you on that day you leave your boyfriend to take that (one week) break away from him. Because you don’t want to have yo go back to his apartment or his house. He will be waiting for you and that will be a dangerous situation for you. Always stay safe. Don’t go back to your partner’s home or to his apartment anymore.

    You deserve a boyfriend who loves you for who you are and not someone whose controlling your every move.

    That’s not real love it’s is an emotional abusive relationship you are in now. There also a Domestic Violence Hotline you can call them for support and for professional counseling if you need this help. But I am also here for you too as your friend on this Quora website. I understand everything your going through now. I had to deal with this issue myself in the past.

    I hope everything works out for you and you will be fine by yourself without your controlling boyfriend in your life. You just need to heal now from this situation and it’s going to take a while to fully recover from everything that you had to go through with your life.

    Please don’t date any men during this transition period with you trying to recover and you need to heal yourself first before you will be able to date a new person in your life. I wish you the best of luck.

  60. You have to do it fast and without looking back. You must be firm aswell. You cannot him and haw over it you cant discuss it with them you just leave. Otherwise your over controlling partner will do everything they can to make you stay. They will convince you that they are only like that because of how much they love you . They are very good at making you see it their way and I promise you that if given that chance you will be back asking the same question next year. So run like your on fire.

  61. You need to provide more information. Are you married and/or do you have minor children?

    If so, you will need to see a family law attorney.

    If you are fearful for your safety, tell the attorney and they will put protections in place.

    This “may” include a temporary protective order and force him to leave the marital home.

    As far as what you tell him and how you tell him: Do this in a PUBLIC PLACE, ie: a park or coffee shop where you can leave.

    You say:

    “Joe, I am no longer interested in continuing this relationship. I don’t want to rehash old arguments. I want to move on. I wish you well”.

    Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT allow him to drag you into a conversation.

    When you get home, block him from your devices and all social media. Set your accounts to private. Do not ask others about him.

  62. You leave quietly without a trace. My brother said it best”don’t let a crazy MF know your next move”. Just to be on the alive side its best to move in silence. The obsessive and controlling behavior are 2 red flags to take seriously.

  63. Hi friend. Hope you are fine. When you are deeply in love with your partner it is difficult for you to come out of this situation. Even though you know that your partner is over controlling and obsessive you think that it might change when the next situation come as I thought. No one has the right to control you, your thoughts and views. If he hurts you soo much tell him openly. Because if it keeps on going like this you will be in pain always. I know how it feels. It was difficult for me to get out the same situation as yours. I kept holding him till 2 days back(11/5/2023 mine was a 4 year long distance relationship). He left me without any words or goodbyes. His marriage has been fixed too. I know the pain I am suffering. We should have respect for each other not controlled life. Disrespect should not be allowed at any cost. Try to make your partner understand still if your partner is not ready to accept slowly accept the reality and try to move on. I know it is difficult but you should. I know I am not the perfect person to give advices. If your partner is yours he/she will definitely come back for you. If not he/she is not yours. Have patience in life. Good things will come to you always and ever. With lots of love and hug

  64. If you've already told them “it's over”, you’ve blocked them from phone & social media & they still won't leave you alone I would suggest you make a report w/the police. I would then contact your nearest Women's Center &/or Shelter & ask for any resources dealing w/abuse as controlling/obsessive behavior Is abuse. The National Domestic Abuse Hotline I believe would have resources as well: 1.800.799.7233. Keep your good friends close & be sure they're aware of your situation. If you Need to leave your home for safety have that set up as well. Talking to a Good therapist whose specialty is abuse would be a good step too for guidance & support. Please take Good care & be kind to yourself m'dear.

  65. My first ex girlfriend was controlling and abusive. So you break free by NOT tolerating their obsessive and controlling behavior. Controlling relationships are ABUSIVE and the way you break free is by ending the relationship with your partner. Any signs of control is dangerous, especially if they’re obsessive. Usually, people who are controlling are insecure and narcissistic people. If your partner doesn’t get the message after you end things, file a restraining order and or get law enforcement involved.

  66. I don’t know all the circumstances, If you live with this person or not …

    BUT…. I think this could be a dangerous person, the most peaceful thing you can do is cut contact. No contact. Block them on everything. Take care of your mental health. I’m pretty sure there’s trauma to your nervous system when you’re in a relationship like this, allow yourself time to heal. There may not be any peaceful way other than just leaving and cutting contact, if this person is controlling and obsessive they will probably try to convince you to stay, and you’re obviously seeking to leave.

  67. What a thought-provoking article! "If it's toxic, leave it silently" – such a powerful mantra to live by. Toxicity can drain us emotionally and mentally, and it takes immense strength to recognize when something isn't serving our well-being. Your words resonate deeply – sometimes, walking away silently is the best choice for our own growth and peace. Thank you for sharing this valuable insight. It's a reminder that our mental and emotional health should always be a priority. 🌱💙


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