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A friend wants my apartment, I refused, he went to my house owner to ask for it, what should I do?


There are situations that occur in life that shapes you to a different kind of person. Honestly, at this point, if I decide not to trust people I am not in any way to be blamed. 

Here's the story:
A friend has asked me several times for my apartment in exchange for his, but I said no. Today, I got a message from my house owner saying: your friend wants your apartment but I told him you are not leaving yet. What should I do?








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153 comments

  1. Tell your house owner that you have already told your friend that you are not leaving and that he doesn't accept no as an answer. Tell the house owner that you feel that this friends consistent asking is becoming harassment and that if he does it again, or if the house owner is contacted again, you will report your friend for harassment. Making it clear to the house owner will put them in the picture and will help get support. Also tell your friend, once and for all, that you are not interested and that if they ask again, you will be letting the police know that you feel this is harassment. In the meantime, write down the days/dates/times that you have been asked, as evidence or harassment. Probably by telling them that you will contact police will be enough to get them to stop.

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  2. “A friend has asked me several times for my apartment in exchange for his, but I said no. Today, I got a message from my house owner saying: your friend wants your apartment but I told him you are not leaving yet. What should I do?”

    A2A:

    From what I read here, it appears that the correct answer is “nothing.” Your house owner is supporting your remaining in the house, and turned your “friend” away.

    All I would do in your stead, is to go into my mind and relabel this person as “ex friend.”

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  3. You should thank your landlord and apologize for your faux-friend bothering him. Explain that you’ve already told this person repeatedly that you’re not leaving but he seems not to understand. Assure the landlord that YOU will tell him if and when you intend to leave, which you do not intend to do anytime soon.

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  4. You should sever your ties with this ‘friend’.
    What kind of friend would push so hard for something you don’t want, for utterly selfish reasons? No kind, that’s what kind. And make sure the house owner knows without question, where you stand, and that all of this is going on aside form the fact that you’ve repeatedly said no.

    Your ‘friend’ is really fucked up, and doing something really fucked up. Kick him to the curb, and get a restraining order if necessary.

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  5. Tell him you will vacate but you don’t want his apartment, you’ll pick one on your own and he has to come up with the deposit, first months rent, moving costs and the two days pay you’re going to lose.

    Write up a simple contract specifying costs and conditions for default. Make a copy and both sign each contract. You keep the original.

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  6. This guy is trying to weasel you out of your apartment and you refer to him as a “friend”? I hate to see what you call an enemy. I know what I would tell him but I don’t consider it appropriate to use that kind of language on an open website like this.

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  7. So, your so-called “friend” went to your landlord, trying to get your apartment … when he couldn’t convince you, he went behind your back …

    and you still referred to him as “A friend…” - in fact, he acted more like a snake than a friend.

    Lose the loser, keep your apartment.

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  8. I agree with the other answers — this person isn’t your friend. I’d call him and say, “I’m not exchanging apartments with you. Stop asking. I understand that you contacted my landlord about this. That was inappropriate.” Depending on his response, I might tell him at this point to stop contacting you.

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  9. Make it clear to said friend who isnt respecting you that your not doing an exchange and youd appreciate if he moved on that you dont appreciate feeling harassed

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  10. That, my friend, is not a friend. Wow…

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    Replies
    1. It is now Ex-friend of there is any term like that.

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  11. It is good your house owner is understanding. Let you 'friend' know that you know about everything and see whether he apologizes.

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    Replies
    1. I do not care about my ex friend at this point I made it clear to my house owner. Humans amazing you know. Things just keeps unfolding.

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  12. What on earth! This "friend" is not a true friend at all. How dare they go behind your back and speak to your landlord after you specifically said no. I am so angry on your behalf and I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Definitely let your landlord know that you are not leaving your apartment and tell your "friend" to back off or your friendship is at risk.
    the creation of beauty is art.

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    Replies
    1. It has been lots of disappointing people who God is clearing away from my path. It might make me hurt or get really angry but I made it clear to my house owner and she already knows. I am pretty amazed at what people can turn into.

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  13. I'm glad that the house owner supported you. The person whom you called friend certainly didn't behave like one. Some people are only meant to be in our lives for a short season. Wishing you peace and the joy of genuine loving frienships.

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    Replies
    1. You are right, when I got that text from my house owner, I said to myself 'we are not friends. Its a closed chapter.

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  14. Put your foot down, tell him sternly this is once and for all I'm not moving don't bring it up or call my landlord again. Let him know if he values your relationship he won't ask again.

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  15. Your home owner shouldn't of even messaged you. He easily could've told your friend the place is currently occupied and leave it at that.

    Jennifer
    Curated by Jennifer

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  16. It doesn't sound like a very good friend if they are no listening to you! i'd stand your ground and let them know you are not moving if you don't want to!

    Hope that you are having a lovely weekend :)

    Away From Blue

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  17. This is more like an enemy, rather than a friend... I am glad this is your ex friend now!

    Shoot for the stars | ☆ ☆ ☆ | Facebook page | ☆ ☆ ☆ | Instagram

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  18. Just say NO, and mean it.

    Obviously, you are not interested (else you won't be asking here). Why keep this nagging inquiry lingering?

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  19. Unless you tell the homeowner you are going to move out, the apartment is yours unless the homeowner throws you out. I think your “friend” has a lot of nerve going over your head.

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  20. That's very forward of them to ask the owner after you said no. Some friend. Do nothing. It was borderline rude to go behind your back and ask the homeowner when they are supposed to be your friend. You would think that is something they would ask you to see when or if you were moving out first and leave it that. Or even tell you they would like to rent it if you when you move and please let the homeowner know.

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  21. “Your friend wants your apartment but I told him you are not leaving yet”

    Is this person really your friend?

    If you have no intention of leaving, make that very clear to the owner of the apartment.

    Your “friend” has gone over your head, therefore, how can this person be considered a friend?

    For your friend, to try to secure the apartment to lease after you decide to leave is quite normal.

    That's not the case here though is it.

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  22. Nothing. Sounds like your “friend” tried to do a run-around and failed.

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  23. Tell the owner about the repeated inquiries. Thank the owner for answering they way they did, and let them know that you have no interest in changing that answer. Tell your “friend” that the answer will not change and that they need to stop asking. Let them know that the continued harassment is affecting your friendship. After that, address any future inquiries of the sort with the following statement:

    “Eff off (insert friend’s name here)” in a completely neutral tone. Any further discussion should be met with the same.

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  24. You don’t need to do anything. Your friend is sol and your landlord is uninvolved.

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  25. Send him a text in bold letters asking him what part of no does he not understand? Reiterate once again that you have no intention of moving or exchanging apartments with him and tell him to please stop asking you because he is being a pain in the ass. If that doesn't do it cut ties with him.

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  26. Your do called friend didn't respect your decision and even tried to get the owner involved. Whst kind of frurnd is that? Respect is important in a friendship. If it were me I would be unhappy it and tell them it was inappropriate not to respect your decision.

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  27. You're not dealing with friend anymore. If he's going behind your back to try to not take no for an answer. He also clearly doesn't care if you're homeless if he's willing to commit such a gross violation of ettiquite.

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  28. Talk to your friend and ask him why he wants your apartment so badly. Talk to your owner to and tell him you aren’t leaving so to not give your apartment out to anyone as long as you’re there. Both of them should understand !

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  29. Respond to your landlord and say you have no plan to leave your apartment and send a copy of your response to your “friend” (who you should then drop for being a jerk).

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  30. I would make it clear to the house owner about your interest to stay where you are and not to listen to those without your permission to give up your apartment.

    I would put it in writing and sign it and date it so there will not be any confusion - I would also certify that letter to make sure that the owner received it!

    It would not have further discussion with this so-called friend who is trying to screw you over. Believe me, “some people will not accept “no” for an answer.

    I have been in your shoes and it was “HELL!” Which a co-worker kept trying to push her will onto me by manipulating others and giving the impression I had told her it was okay to bother my boss, who by the way fired her from taking so much time from work and told him I would take her eyeglasses to her home which she claimed I would? I had an appointment that day to get a loan and this woman was interfering with my life?

    She was frustrated with me because as much as I helped her at the office she expected more and more favors and she wanted me to be her chauffeur to pick her up at home and take her back and forth to work? I told her I run errands in the morning and evenings and could not subject myself to being late to work.\

    She wouldn’t stop her demands on my time and this woman was married who did she think I was, “a fool of a person?” I had worse manipulators in my time and had enough of them! Please don’t allow people to manipulate and control you it will get worse if you do.

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  31. plain and simple you ask your landlord have you given him letter that you are moving ? Of course you will say no so it settled you are not movie.

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  32. What does “ not leaving yet mean “ ? �� Are you planning on moving out and is your friend is aware of this ?? �� Or not at all and your landlord just misspoke ?? �� . Why is your friend so interested in your apartment and does he know something that he's not telling you! ?? �� Why is he so persistent in this matter ?? �� If were you , I would find out what is truly going on here and get to the bottom of all this quickly as possible .

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  33. Make sure you have an up to date Lease and tell the Owner when or if you plan to move.

    Also I would tell this so called friend that they were told that you are not moving and to stop talking about it and that you know he or she went behind your back and you don't think that is beinf a friend and what the hay were they thinking.

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  34. Tell the landlord he not stable,and that you aren’t moving. Next time he call have him say he not letting you out of your lease

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  35. That person is not your friend. Went behind your back to your landlord. Good that you are a good tenant and your landlord told you. Now tell your friend to back off, go away, mind their own business and to leave you and your landlord alone. Harassment charges are easy to prove if they continue. I know you have better friends than that or your landlord wouldn't think so highly of you.

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  36. Tell your f”friend” that no means no and to not take it upon themself to contact your landlord. Tell your “friend”to not ask that question again.

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  37. Are you close to his or her family?

    Seek professional help

    Set up intervention with loved ones

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  38. Respond to your landlord and say you have no plan to leave your apartment and send a copy of your response to your “friend” (who you should then drop for being a jerk).

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  39. Tell your so called friend; NO, mean no. If you ask me again for my apartment then our friendship will end - your not showing me any respect at all as I have told you no several time then you call the owner telling him you want my apartment; what is wrong with you - are you Obsessive Compulsive. You need to see a Psychiatrist and get some help. For the last time I will not let you have my apartment and if you ask me again then our friendship will end. If he ever asked again, document it, the time and date or if it’s a text save it. Block his number and cut all contact, this so called friend has a mental problem. I used to have a friend till I realized he was obsessive compulsive, my ex GF and I got him kicked off city police department plus never seen any guy in a gym abuse steroids as bad as he did which made him worse. He would stalk women after one date and they would tell him to never contact me again, so bad she call police chief, he tried to rape a female friend of mine and when I broke up with this woman two days later she started dating him thinking it would bother me but it did not; I started to call her and warn her but did not want any contact with her. The ex GF called police on him for breaking in her house and the cops told him to go home so she took out a 50 B protective order against him. He broke in her house again and beat on her - that was the final straw as I has call the chief a couple of times.

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  40. You cannot complain what you tolerate. Talk to your friend and advise him that you will not be bullied like this. Set up a meeting with him and talk to him. Stand your ground.

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  41. Sad that some pople are like that!
    www.chezmireillefashiontravelmom.com

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  42. That's not a friend. Sounds like your landlord is a decent human being.

    What did you tell your “friend”? Sounds like you said something to the guy who wants your apartment. Did you tell him you were moving to get him out of your apartment. If he got mail there, you might be stuck. Some state laws say, once a person gets mail at a place, he/she can stay there. You might want to check.

    If you told the landlord he was staying with you for awhile, you might have a heck of a time getting him out of there. The landlord is likely going to follow the state or province laws.

    I'd tell the landlord that you want to change the locks.Then pay to change them. Give the landlord the new key key and ask him not to give the new key to your “friend".

    I know.

    No good deed goes unpunished. You were likely trying to be a nice guy and let him stay for a while. You didn't know he had a secret agenda. I had military neighbors that thought I should allow them to use one of my.cars. I didn't. They got really pissed and tried to report me to the sheriffs for stealing their mail. They harassed me until they were assigned to another part of the country. He actually came back to the area and chased me down.one day. Moron.

    I can't tell you what to do but what I suggested here. Are you afraid to lose his “friendship”? He's not afraid to lose yours.

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  43. That is a very strange request to me! I am glad that your landlord/home owner turned your friend away as well. I would leave it at that! And I would be upset that my friend went behind my back after I told them no. Totally weird! Thanks for linking up.

    Shelbee
    www.shelbeeontheedge.com

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  44. Stand your ground and don't be pressured into giving it up!

    Emma xxx
    www.style-splash.com

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  45. Melody; tell the friend to bug off!

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  46. I understand he’s not your friend. Ask a legal firm over some type of legal assistance or doc prep person to prepare a cease and desist letter. If he continues, take him to court.

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  47. A2A. Tell your landlord what has happened.Then block this “friend” because he’s not worthy of your time.

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  48. Man - ( Usually Men are the one )

    He doesn’t know what NO is - You must let him know - what NO means -

    That I am sure you know - how to handle who does not know - NO

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  49. Ok you must not live in the USA as you can’t just exchange apartments on a whim. Nor can landlord give it away with you still living there. You need to sit this “Friend” down and ask them what is so great about your apartment that they just have to have it and the tell them you never want to see or hear from them again if this is how they are going to act.

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  50. if he won’t negotiate with you, say no.

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  51. If you signed a lease, there's nothing they can do. But if you're on a month to month, your landlord can ask you to move out with 60 days notice. If you're unsure about your status, ask to sign another lease for however long you want and if your landlord lets you, then your troubles are over. He may not agree to a new lease however. It depends on your relationship with him.

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  52. I would thank the house owner and reinforce that this is your friend talking — that you DO NOT want to move.

    Then tell your friend (are they really a friend, after all this?) to back off and stop contacting either you or your landlord about this. Period.

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  53. Explain to your landlord that you aren't leaving & that you would have told them first if you were…then tell your “friend" that when you said no, you meant no, that going to the house owner was out of order. Then get some new friends.

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  54. Easy… write back & tell you are NOT leaving. Thank you! Leave your number.

    That is illegal for your so called friend to want to exchange an apt. NO GO! Be sure and tell the owner.

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  55. Stand your ground. When you leave let your landlord handle it.

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  56. I am your friend send me all of your money. Lol. That person is not your friend. “Your friend" went behind your back and tried to take what you wouldn't give them willingly.

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  57. Simply tell your friend, “No, but, I’ve got an idea, why don’t you look for another apartment if you don’t like your own apartment, but MINE is not on the market.”

    If he says another word about it, drop him like a rock. He’s not your friend. He’s a manipulator, and you need to cut him out of your life.

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  58. Ignore him. He’ll get the message eventually.

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  59. If you have a lease, you can't be forced out. This doesn't sound like a friend to me. This sounds like harrassment.

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  60. Let’s see, bartering. What I would do is try to be as narrow and friendly has you can with your friend and tell “No and please stop asking me” or something along those lines. If he really REALLY wants to trade badly try looking at his apartment and see if it’s better then yours “no offense” or check the damage history of the apartment. Maybe he might want to trade apartments because of the area your apartment is in! Good luck!

    DMs are open if anyone wants to talk or be friends

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  61. Put in writing to your landlord that you are not moving and have no intention of vacating your apartment at this time. Also make clear in writing that you have no relationship with the “friend” who wants your apartment. Tell the landlord in writing that you will give the required (X) days/weeks/months notice when you are leaving. Make clear to your friend that you are not interested in trading apartments. Do this in writing if necessary. After you have written your letter to the landlord, either send it by Certified Mail if you are in the US (Certified is proof of delivery but costs less than Registered) or hand it to the landlord as you explain clearly what is in the letter.

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  62. ask him which part of No doesn’t he understand?No means no in every language.

    He seems like a real pain in the ass.

    Are you sure this is a friend ?

    Frienenemy?

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  63. Do you have a lease? Read the terms of the lease - this will tell you what you can and can not do. As for your “friend” - why are they going over your head and making inquiries of you landlord to get your apartment? Does not sound like a friend to me.

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  64. Tell your ‘ friend’ to leave you alone. And that you have no intention of moving.

    Let them know that further efforts on their part will be considered harassment.

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  65. That guy is definitely not your friend. He actually contacted your landlord to try to get you moved out. That's so incredibly awful. If I were you, I would completely end your so called friendship with this back stabber. Call your landlord and let him know that you are not to going to move and that your “friend” was way out of line.

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  66. I would feel very upset that he after all the attempts to tell him now, he still went to your landlord. It shows me that the person does not respect for me or the choices I make. I am not sure what he was trying to accomplish other than your landlord kicking you so your friend can move in. As this would never happen, I am not sure what his objective was to get other people involved. And being upset with him means that for a good part of the distant future, I would not really want to be speaking to him. If he can do things like this with so much inconsideration, I would be questioning why I am friends with someone like that!!

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  67. Hello there…

    Well this so called friend of yours is totally out of order….

    Whether he wants your apartment or not it's your apartment and his bullish overbearing and just plain rude behaviour is not to be tolerated…

    How dare he approach your house owner and try to muscle you out of your home hoping to somehow go over your head and make it seem like it was your intention to leave…

    You must speak to your house owner and tell them that this friend has been trying to pressure you into swapping your apartments but you have told him in no uncertain terms you want to stay where you are…

    You must make your house owner aware they must not listen or take this man seriously unless you yourself request a change…

    Then you speak to this friend and say you no longer want anything more to do with them as their behaviour in this matter has seriously crossed the line and they are not welcome in your home from this point onwards..

    Let them know you have spoken to your house owner and they will not entertain any request from them again on your behalf…

    People like this think that if they persist and bombard you with their requirements and wear you down they will eventually get what they want and if they override you and go over your head they will force the issue if your not playing along…

    I cannot say it any clearer to you steer clear of this type of person they are toxic…nothing any good will come from it…

    He sounds like a pushy man who is willing to do whatever it takes to get what he wants…you do not need a friend like that….

    If he had been successful after speaking with your home owner you could well have been out of an apartment no thanks to him some friend he is….

    Please make the right decision and find a new friend…

    I hope this helps. X

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  68. Your freind is very aggressive in making this request. This would turn me off from being there freind or talking to them at all. Tell tour house owner only when you tell them your leaving witb your own mouth do they go find someone else to live there. In the mean time enjoy living there and avoid your freind.

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  69. Obviously, you didn’t make it clear to him you don’t want to exchange apartments.

    It’s outrageous your “friend” made an end run around you and went to the owner. You need to write a letter to the owner stating you are NOT planning on moving. Don’t go into a lot of personal stuff as they likely don’t want to get involved in all of this.

    Make two copies of the letter, Save the original, one for the owner, and one for your friend. Now your intentions are memorialized should anything else occur.

    Should they persist, file a complaint with the local PD. But let that be a last resort. P.S. I would think seriously about widening your circle of friends. What your friend is doing is unethical and also weird.

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  70. Confirm with the landlord that you have no intention to leave and that you have told the same to the friend, so he/she should ignore future communication from the friend.

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  71. Someone who is selfish is not a real friend if you don’t want to leave your apartment DON’T .. Don’t do it to just please this so call friend. Stay put

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  72. This person is not your friend. This person must be used to having his/her way. A real friend would not keep bothering you. First, say no one final time. Second, tell this pest to stop bothering you. Third, tell this person to go to hell. Problem solved.

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  73. Melody, dear, if this guy is being this much of a PEST over an apartment; honey-child, this guy AIN'T your friend! The fact that he went to see your landlord makes him sound almost like a stalker! Do yourself a favor, stay away from him, and maybe watch your back, mind your surroundings! Live your life, but be safe!!!

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  74. Tell the landlord if you are going to stay or not. Whatever you decide, tell the landlord (In writing) that this person isn’t your friend, and you have no idea why he is harassing you. Then cut all contact with this guy.

    This guy isn’t your friend. He is being deceptive by going behind your back and talking to the landlord when you have told him you are staying in your apartment.

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  75. It was nice of the house owner to back you up on this one. The guy sounds really pushy, though. Wow! There’s a possibility that he may continue to bring up the issue trying to make you just cave.

    A good thing to do is to call him out on his game with something like “I know that you went to the landlord but I’m not going to trade apartments with you. End of discussion. If you can’t respect that, maybe we should take a break from our friendship.”

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  76. Don’t do anything. I don’t see a problem here. You’re not moving so everyone needs to stand down. Is your friendship with this person at risk? What are the reasons he wants your apartment? Does he want to move in with you? Is there a romantic motivation? Are the views better? Is your apartment suitable for something he needs? Moving is a hassle. If your friend is willing to supply the manpower maybe you will consider. For now, tell him he’s messing with your serenity.

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  77. I think it's time for you to check your friend. He can't go on living his life thinking he can force you into anything. If he gets upset after it's on him because hes the cause of how you reacted.

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  78. Cut that friend off. Going to your landlord is a complete violation and invasion of your privacy. They are trying to force your hand, which is something that real friends wont do.

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  79. First of all, I would immediately END the friendship and let your presumptuous, entitled “friend” know - in no uncertain terms - that if he continues to harass you or your landlord, he will hear from you again via your SOLICITOR! What impertience trying to bully you out of your apartment. Clearly, there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with his apartment: serious damage, plumbing problems, problems with the neighbours or, very likely, valid problems with his landlord - you’ll never know and HIS problems should NOT become YOUR problems! If his thuggish, bullying behaviour is any indication, you may need to get legal advice and seek a restraining order. Tell him to “Get lost!” and mean it! Sever all contact because, believe me, this bully is NO FRIEND of yours!

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  80. Kiss him off as a friend.

    Tell the landlord you are not leaving and he is to avoid further calls from him

    The end

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  81. Thank you landlord.End this so called friendship anyone who would go behind your back and push his agenda after you made it clear it’s not happening is dangerous to have in your life….that person is a weasel

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  82. This so called friend is pushing you out .

    Please get in touch with the owner and say that you have no intention of leaving in the future and to please ignore this person , she may start feeling that your going to leave at any minute.

    and I fear that this is what the so called friend is trying to do.

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  83. You don’t owe your friend your apartment .This is becoming ridiculous.You told him no that needs to be the end of it. What is wrong with his own apartment?Now he is telling your landlord about it after you told him no?Tell the house owner you arent going anywhere and that you have told your friend no. the words “not leaving yet” that the owner said to your friend what does that mean?That the apartment owner expect you to give the apartment to your friend in the future ?You obviously do not want your friend’s apartment. Make that clear to him do not let him pressure you .

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  84. I’d say stop being friends with this person. These actions are no different from the schoolyard bully who wants to trade your pudding cup for a baloney sandwich and just doesn’t get that your answer is no.

    Call your landlord and explain what’s going on, as well as filling out a police report if you really want to be serious about this, then inform your ‘friend’ about what your position is. Don’t mince words and make them understand you will not be harassed.

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  85. Clearly tell the homeowner that you like it there and are not ready to move yet. Then tell your friend in no uncertain terms that NO IM NOT MOVING AND I DONT WANT YOUR APARTMENT. I LIKE MINE SO I AM STAYING. If you can't handle that then we can't be friends any more and do not EVER go to my landlord like that again!

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  86. Well, first of all he shouldn't have done that went over your head to your landlord that is Bullshit, I would go to the landlord & tell him I am Not giving up my place for his bottom line. I would go to the “ friend" & tell him the same, that was a Dick move & sweetheart friends don't do shit like that. If it was me I would cut him out of my life think of it this way he is a selfish bitch. What's else would he do behind your back? God willing don't ever

    be w/ him if some shit went down he would leave there to save his own ass.Fuck him if he wants another place

    & go find one like a true friend would not try to take yours.

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  87. JUST SAY “"NO❗️” What part of no don't you understand, the “n” or the “o” ❓

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  88. That seems self evident. First hell no you don't go. Now lets consider why. First I doubt your”friend “ is a friend. Repeatedly trying to get first you and then your landlord to give him what you rightfully have. In one or several ways your place is notably better than his. Or maybe his behavior is bringing him trouble and he needs to get scarce. Your place is your place and any advantages it holds are yours period. Not yours if you can justify it to him. By all means make it clear that you've answered him and that's the end of it. You're not being unkind to a friend because he would first have to be a friend. Does he sometimes congratulate himself for taking advantage of someone? A hustle that shows how clever he is?

    Make it very clear to your landlord that you're not even considering this and never have. You'd appreciate knowing if he persists in asking him about it. If he's in some trouble where he is now he would be putting you in a risk position. If so that's not how real friends do you Refuse to debate it further.

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  89. Don’t be afraid to be rude, he keeps bashing you for your apartment, just say no over and over and over. Stonewall him.

    If he says “but why not? I really…” yada yada yada

    just say “no”

    better yet, next time he asks, ask him “What did I say?”

    If he says something like “It’s not a big deal ” tell him back “If it’s not a big deal then it’s not worth my time”

    don’t budge at all not even a little. Let his words go into an abyss, and all that comes back at him is “my answer is no”

    After all this if he still asks, just ignore it, leave him, or block him.

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  90. why did you put a link to a clothing shop? do you want people to take you seriously?

    you wrote you’re not leaving “yet.” so that means you’re leaving at some point? so your friend just wants your apartment after you leave? if that’s the case, what is the problem? it’s not down to you to decide who gets it after you leave. it’s down to the owner, which would explain why they contacted them instead. and the owner made it clear to them you weren’t leaving yet. so what is the problem?

    i don’t understand, though, why you care who has your apartment after you leave. to me, that’s weird. a good friend would tell the owner that this friend would be a great tenant, to help get them in once you leave. but it sounds like you are doing the opposite. why would you do that.

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  91. Has it been discussed between you and your friend and then mentioned to your landlord and have you given notice to the landlord.

    As long as you are paying your rent and the landlord is happy for you to stay there tell your friend that you are staying but if you decide

    to move you will let him/her know so that they can get first refusal.

    I would think that the landlord would be happy for you to stay putt as it means lots of extra paperwork for him and the cost of removal formyou

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  92. This person is not your friend. Write a letter telling him to cease and desist attempting to rent the apartment you already rent and give a copy to your landlord.

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  93. Are you sure this person is your “friend,” because he sounds extremely shifty to me. Not only did he ask you for something you weren’t offering, he then went behind your back and spoke to your landlord expressing his desire.

    We’re not talking about him coveting some nonessential possession of yours - he’s after your residence! That is bizarre and completely unacceptable.

    Make it clear to your landlord that you fully intend to continue renting your apartment and will give proper notice should you decide to vacate. After that, have a serious chat with your “friend,” YOUR apartment will continue to be YOUR apartment. Imagine if your landlord had taken your friend’s words to be true, drafted a lease with him and left you scrambling to vacate YOUR apartment?

    Let your friend know what he’s done is unacceptable and will damage your friendship if he does not stop, not to mention destroy the relationship completely if you must involve the authorities due to his continued harassment.

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  94. He doesn't sound like a friend. Tell him to fuck-off and if he screws with you again, regarding the apartment, you will lease it out to a stranger when you leave.

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  95. You’ve not expressed the situation too clearly but it’s usually a good idea to do as the landlord wishes. If I understand, that means swap. If you have a lease you are not obligated. If you agree, you may be able to negotiate some compensation, such as getting them to pay for your rent and perhaps replace an appliance or two?

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  96. What do you mean friend? That person is trying to take advantage of you period. Just write him off. Tell him that you live there and have no intention to leave.

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  97. Thank your house owner for setting the record straight.

    Tell your “friend" to STOP. Stop trying to finagle their way into your living space. You do not have any intention of leaving, you do not want to “trade" and you do not want to have this discussion again.

    Your “friend" is trying to use coercive tactics by pressuring you into changing your mind. Any “friend" that does this is toxic. You cannot allow the pressure to affect you. Also be warned that when this person is confronted to stop, they might end up using other tactics such as lying in order to get you evicted. Try to keep things tactful and friendly.

    A person that goes to this extreme though - wow. I'd be concerned about their mental stability - but that's something you'll need to decide on your own considering your personal interactions with them.

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  98. It's your apartment if your rent is paid up till the beginning of the month or whatever it's your apartment unfortunate for your friend

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  99. If your not plan on moving you should tell your landlord you had no intention of moving because it appears as if he told them you were.

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  100. I can understand that someone would call the landlord ahead of time and say they want a certain place when it next becomes vacant. This friend harassing you, though, is over the line. Not the kind of guy I would call a friend. Sometimes, if you go into the police station, they will let you file an “incident report,” so you have some little bit of leverage if this should continue. It is creepy behavior, and it sounds like he may be trying to intimidate you into moving out.

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  101. This guy is obviously not your friend. You’ll need to take steps to protect yourself because he clearly doesn’t care what you think or how you feel about him, and really, really wants your apartment.

    I’ll go ahead and be a bit paranoid here but is there any chance for you to get some sort of a basic security system, and a hidden voice-activated recorder thingy in case he decides to threaten you? Or come by when you aren’t at home?

    And of course record any calls you might have together. If you need a restraining order later, it will be good to have evidence.

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  102. That's not a friend, that is a narcissist that is going to drag you through the mud and make you feel grateful….You need to oust that person from your life immediately!

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  103. Nothing. You have every right to stay where you are.

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  104. Stand your ground. That is YOUR home. Tell this so called friend to stop asking your not moving.

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  105. It's past the time to tell your “friend “ HELL NO".

    Thank your landlord and assure her/him that you will not be leaving any time soon.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Sounds like a pushy friend. No means no. Why is your land lord in the middle of this? I’d be ticked off. Read your “friend” the riot act.

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  107. Do you have a lease and when does it expire?

    Do you want to continue to live there beyond the term of the lease? If yes I would be asking for an extension now.

    What makes you think this guy that wants your apartment is a friend? Does not seem so to me.

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  108. Tell your “friend” to stop harassing you, for you are NOT leaving your apartment no matter what he does, and that’s that.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Let your friend know that he has crossed boundaries. He tried to go around you and that’s not okay. You already told him no, so for him to contact your landlord was a big no no. Definitely take it up with him directly. The fact that you gave your answer and even still he just did whatever he felt. Get that behavior in check if you still want a friendship.

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  110. It sounds like your friend is actually not a very good friend at all. He obviously likes your apartment better than his and he is asking you to exchange dwellings with him which is a pretty unusual request to make. You already made it clear that you do not want to exchange apartments. He went behind your back and contacted your house owner which was very underhanded and deceitful, not to mention manipulative.

    I think you should let your friend know that what he did was very inappropriate and unacceptable to you. You could ask him what he was hoping to accomplish by doing something so deceptive. You could tell him that this is not how real friends act and you are seriously questioning whether or not you can trust him in the future as a result of what he did. Let him sit with that for a while and see what he has to say.

    When somebody shows you who they really are, believe them! I would be very leery of this friend from now on and I would keep my guard up to ensure that he doesn’t try to pull a fast one again. He does not sound like a sincere or trustworthy friend.

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  111. Why the hell does this friend even want it and either way, fuck that. It’s your place, why bother changing houses when you’re used to life there.

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  112. Make it very clear to anyone and everyone that could possibly be involved that you are aware of your friend's desire,but that you are not interested.

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  113. Your landlord was right in saying you are not leaving. As long as you are a good tenant your landlord shall let you keep on renewing your lease.

    Your friend can of course ask you but if you said no tittle friend should just take it at that. If your friend does not like their apartment there is nothing holding them back from applying for ones that are available which yours is not one of. Your friend took it beyond friendship by asking the landlord, are you sure they are really your friend?

    As far as what you should do, continue to be a good tenant and if you like the apartment keep renewing your lease. You might want to rethink this “friendship” though.

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  114. Put a stop to it right now. Your friend is trying to ruin your life. Get hold of this friend immediately, face to face would be best, and tell him that you are not leaving your apartment and if he tries to go behind your back again and contact the owner, you will serve a restraining order.

    End friendship. It doesn’t serve you and he has no respect for you.

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  115. You need to “break up” with your friend, and explain to your landlord that you have NO plans in moving. Tell the landlord that you plan on living there for years. Tell h/her that “My friend is no longer my friend, and not to bother with his phone calls.”

    He is way out of line.

    You need to be aggressive and let him know that you are happy with your apartment and are not going to move or trade. LOL. Who does he think he is??

    You are way to timid about this. After I told him off, I would block him from any phone calls, texts, or other social media. He is NO friend.

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  116. Umm, that’s deep. Do you want his apartment? He has a lot of nerve if you ask me. Personally that is a violation and to go to the extreme of calling your landlord, wow. This is why I cannot deal with people, things like that are just not okay. I think we would have to have a very serious quiet discussion about line crossing. I even have a chart for that talk so you may need to make one in case they are a visual learner, make sure you put lots of illustrations on it as well. People are just too much.

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  117. What is his reasoning for wanting to exchange apartments? That is a strange request. How would he benefit from the exchange and would you benefit in any way?

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  118. I would make it clear to the house owner that you intend to stay in your apartment for the duration of your lease, and longer if possible. In fact, I would put it in writing and send it by certified mail so you will have proof you notified the owner of your intentions.

    There’s no telling what your friend will do to get the apartment. They might try to bribe the owner by offering them a higher rent or lump sum payment. Make sure your rent is paid on time every month so there won’t be any chance of eviction.

    I would also let the friend know the house owner ratted them out, so they will think twice before doing it again. Tell them their inquiries are making you uncomfortable, as you have no intention of vacating your apartment any time soon.

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  119. This “friend” is not a friend. Probably best to end the shaky relationship, Thank the landlord for defending you, and if the friend persists, call the police and report the stalker.

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  120. Asking this question tells all of us a bit about who you are. I am guessing you are a “go along to get along” person who shies away from confrontation. You have good advice about communicating with your landlord and I hope you follow through. As for your friend, you have to decide how you define friendship. This person has crossed some very important boundaries for you. You have to decide if you tolerate this. As you have read, many others would not. When it comes to the very basics of life like your work, your home, your family, you have to draw some lines for yourself. If not, you will continue to have these types of issues throughout life. Look at it this way. Through modern technology we have the wonderful use of toilets. They are convenient. They remove waste. They are practical. We don’t want to live without them. The question then is “Do you want to be one?”. Please give this some thought. You don’t have to fight with your friend or be aggressive but you do need to be assertive. Good luck.

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  121. They are not your friend, they have no respect for your wishes…they just keep on pushing and pushing…end it…time to go in a different direction…let them find another to use…Let the house owner know you told them plain, NO! and they refuse to accept it. They will get the message…might blame you for their troubles…that’s alright, just leave you alone…it’s leaning on harrassment.

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  122. Hello. You have an interesting issue here and I am curious why your friend is so keen on having your apartment. Are there hidden spaces filled with treasures? Is the view from your window special in some way? I think I have an idea for you unless someone else has given this (I will not read all 100+ responses here).

    Take his offer if he can deposit one million Dollars into your bank account (or Pounds, or euros - not sure where you live). Take the money and run. Get a bigger place. Retire. Let him have the apartment but you profit enough to make it worthwhile.

    Keep in mind that down the road you will have to leave it for any number of reasons. The landlord might sell the property, or perhaps die and the family tells you to leave. The rent might go up and you decide it is too expensive. Be prepared for anything, have a plan “B.” Good luck.

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  123. This person is not a friend. Get rid of this person. Obviously your Apartment is more important to this person than you are. This person would be out of my life before being able to say goodbye.

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  124. Send him a text that says: You had no business contacting my landlord. BACK OFF. I do not want to exchange apartments and I am not going to discuss the matter anymore. The answer is NO.

    If he persists, I would get an attorney to write him a letter.

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  125. That is not your fried !!! to go behind your back to your landlord is disgusting !

    Keep away from him and if he wants to know why just tell him straight you dont keep friends who stab you on the back.

    He is jealous of you….keep away

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  126. If we weren't in a pandemic situation I would buy his building and evict him! Sorry dude but now ia not the time to force people out of their homes and simply because he's a jealous toddler ass. On what planet do friends do that? On a planet where friends aren't always the friends you thought they were.

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  127. I have never actually been in such a situation as yours, but I guess it would all boil down to you doing a silent comparison of your place to theirs ie., amenities and affordable rent/ pet friendly, good area, close to work, damage to apartment, excessively noisy and that sort of thing. In the end, the decision to move or swap with them would rest with you. Technically, as long as you are paying your rent, no one can make you leave. So just do a comparison of your place to theirs and decide.

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  128. Definitely un-friend him! He KNOWS what he did. He ain’t your “friend”! I have to assume that you have already told your apartment manager about what he did. If not, the manager might be of a mind to let you out of another lease agreement early, in order to accommodate your “friend’s” wishes, believing that you are good with it. Have to wonder what ELSE that guy is willing to do in your business without your approval.

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  129. “A friend has asked me several times for my apartment in exchange for his, but I said no. Today, I got a message from my house owner saying: your friend wants your apartment but I told him you are not leaving yet. What should I do?

    You need to cut them off!

    That's not a friend.

    They have violated you in several areas.

    They also seem mentally unbalanced and could represent a danger to you.

    Apologize to the house owner for the intrusion.

    Inform them you will have no further dealings with this person, and don't.

    This person will continue to cross your boundaries if you continue any association with them.

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  130. Tell your landlord you have no intention of moving. Find a new friend.

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  131. Tell your landlord you have no intention of moving. Find a new friend.

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  132. Tell them:

    “ I don't know what you think your doing, but you need to stop being a prick. You're not getting my flat, I don't want your flat, and the landlord doesn't even want you as a tenant. Stop being a prick because your really aggravating me now.”

    Also, no one who is your friend would actually do that, that's all sorts of lame.

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  133. Let your landlord know in no uncertain terms you are NOT leaving or giving up your apartment. Put in writing and get it notarized and send it via certified mail so that’s on record. Speak with him/her as well and tell them you have no plans to give up the apartment.

    This other person is NOT your friend. Stop inviting them over or having anything to do with them . He is violating serious boundaries. Pay attention. You told him no and he’s doing all he can, even going behind your back to get you tricked or forced out of your apartment.

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them! This is not a person to be trusted with your friendship.

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  134. Your friend doesn’t understand no. That’s a problem. That’s a potential rapist. Tell him if he continues to harass you about your apartment you will get a restraining order against him. Do so if he doesn’t stop. Thank your house owner, and let him know this guy you thought was a friend has started harassing you, and you are getting a court order for him to desist.

    the court order is not really worth much, but it starts a legal trail if this harassment continues or gets worse. This guy is getting pretty stalker-ish, and you want it on record with your local police. Even if he is himself a policeman.

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  135. Let me first say that I am not a lawyer or paralegal and you might want to consult one in the real estate field before doing anything else. With this said, if you trust your landlord, let them in on what’s been going on with this guy. Tell them he’s asked you several times already to switch apartments and you have declined because you’re happy staying there and hope they’re also happy with you as a tenant. Say you’re shocked he has contacted them directly and a few creepy hairs are standing up on the back of your neck.

    Where I live, the landlord wouldn’t be able to give a random person like that who called any information at all due to strict privacy laws. (Ontario Canada) How did they know he was REALLY your friend? (He isn’t obviously, there’s something predatory or even chilling about a person who does this.). But it’s not the landlord’s fault, this individual sounds like one of those types who never accept the word no as well as a sneaky and calculating person.

    I think it’s worth retaining a lawyer to write to the creeper on your behalf and inform the EX friend that-

    My client was asked multiple times by you to switch apartments and clearly said she wasn’t interested.
    You have now continued your attempts to usurp the rental from her by directly contacting the landlord. The landlord also indicated that the unit is still occupied.
    Accordingly, my client has no further desire for contact with you, as this behaviour has become both harassing and invasive in nature. Do not contact her directly or indirectly via the landlord or any other contact you may know or have in common.
    Should you initiate any further questions regarding my client’s housing to either her directly, the landlord or any neighbour, other tenants, family members etc., this will be considered harassment and the appropriate steps will be taken to obtain a restraining order against you.
    I trust the above is clear and thank you for your anticipated cooperation with the above.

    Signed,

    Scruem, Up and Howe

    Barristers & Solicitors

    pp Mr. PH Up Esquire IV

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  136. That’s kind of weird. I think you have to be direct with this person. Tell them you are happy with your apartment and that it feels like home to you, I’d also apologize to your landlord for him calling them, and assure them that you love your place, have no intention of moving, and that you don’t even know how he got their number. Most of all though be direct with your friend, if he really is your friend he will appreciate your candor. Just tell him you are not moving anytime soon and give him the number of similar apartments (size and price) if you want, and tell him that if you ever do decide to move he’ll know first because he’s going to help you move boxes. Mention that the landlord called you about him. Just be careful with this guy, it’s suspect that he would call your landlord after you told him you are not moving and don’t want to trade.

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  137. Why he wants particularly your apartment,what is so special about it or he is jealous and wants to see you homeless?

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  138. Susan Williams11/24/2020

    Your “friend” shouldn’t be your friend, but I think you already know that. Kick him to the curb NOW. He overstepped the bounds of friendship by contacting your landlord. Let you landlord know what’s been going on, that you’ve repeatedly turned this jerk’s offers down, and then call your “friend” and tell him to get lost.

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  139. Paula Lawson11/24/2020

    Unless you are on a month to month, advise the owner you have no plans on leaving. As to the other individual, stay away from him. It appears you are naive about how nice your pad is which is why he wants to “swap" which plausibly will be to your detriment.

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  140. I would just tell him that you are not planning to move right now and that when you do decide to move, he will be the first to know. I would probably be curious as to why he wanted my apartment so bad, maybe there is a solution that you both would be happy with. If you are uncomfortable with him going to your landlord, I would let him know that. BTW, do you have the same landlord? If this is making you extremely uncomfortable, I would be honest with your friend and tell him that and add that you don;t want something like this to jeopardize your friendship.

    I would like to add a word of caution here, If your friend Is the kind of person who does whatever it takes to get what they want, I would be careful and warn your landlord about it. This kind of person may resort to trying to get you evicted to get what he wants.

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  141. Carolyn Davis11/24/2020

    If hw does not accept your decision he is not a friend. Reiterate the no. If he persists talk to a lawyer about what legal recourse may be available. This sounds like a sort of harassment to me

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  142. David Lewis11/24/2020

    That is a creepy situation you are in. Make sure the police are aware of all the details. You may be able to get a restraining order. Make your apartment management aware of the threats.

    it’s a sure bet this friend is not on your Christmas list.

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  143. There is not really much more that needs being done. You stated that the actual home owner told this “friend “ no that you are not leaving yet and you have also told this person according to you “several times”. Personally I find it a tad bit insulting that this person you call a friend went to the homeowner to get your apartment after you told him no? Who does that? Certainly not anyone that I would consider a friend and chances are not many would. If I were in your same situation I would take this so called “friend” of yours aside and tell him look, I’ve already told you enough times that I am NOT trading apartments with you. If and when I decide to move I will either let you know or you can have the homeowners notify you. Let him know enough is enough already. Of course it’s up to you but I would be real careful of that friend, what he did was both sneaky and extremely underhanded and wouldn’t trust him at all. He seems to want your apartment pretty bad and I wouldn’t be shocked if he didn’t do something even more underhanded then what he already has to get your apartment. Watch your back and be careful!

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  144. Paul King,11/24/2020

    My thoughts are simply to let your freind know he has overstepped the boundaries of friendship, and that you do not appreciate his direct pressure, or his going behind your back to the landlord.

    Meanwhile thank the landlord, and let him know you have no desire to leave, and that this is a case of the freind not accepting no for an answer.

    ReplyDelete

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