Friday, September 25

How do you prevent your time from being wasted again in a relationship?

Relationships nowadays are like clothes people change everyday and it has become a norm in recent times. There is the freedom to love and move on if things are not working out but how do you ensure that in your next relationship you do not get your time wasted again.

I have put together tips that can help you understand a person before starting a relationship with him/her.

1. Understand yourself. When you know yourself, you understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop good ones. You'll have the insight to know which values and goals activate your willpower, tolerance, and understanding of others. Your awareness of your own foibles and struggles can help you empathize with others. (Ref: psychology today).

2. Never accept or give excuses for things you did not accept in your previous relationship because at the end of the day those things will end up ending the relationship in the long run.

3. Be you. Being another person is more taxing. Be you and let that person see you for you.

4. Be open to every conversation. This is one of the best ways of knowing people's beliefs, way of life, and thinking. This will help you see if there is a need to even take a step further to end it right there. Be patient during the conservation, do not force your opinion on anyone, be calm and accept anything the person says because that is what he/she beliefs and so it is better to allow them to air their views and beliefs to the fullest.

5. Bring up false relationship scenarios to hear what they have to say about life situations.

6. Ask about family background.

7. Ask about religious background and beliefs. As you know we all have where we want to fit in religiously so asking about it is very important.

8. Ask briefly about their previous relationships. The way you do it matters, be polite and hit the question were needed. This will give you an insight into the previous love life of that person. Some may lie but it is part of the process.

9. Do not be quick to fall in love again. Remember you don't want what happened in your previous relationship happening again.  

10. Pray about it and be open-minded to not investing so much time in the beginning. Do not force anything.

What are your views and tips to prevent time-wasting in a relationship again? 

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels


  1. There is no guarantee that any relationship will work, no matter how careful you are.

    The best option is to take things slowly when you first meet someone you fancy, don’t rush into intimacy too soon and get to know each other as friends. It’s very important to be compatible. I know romance novels and movies love to have opposites attract, but the basic principals of life need to be in agreement.

    I recently answered a question about Red Flags - it is important to take note of aspects of your partner’s personality that make you uncomfortable. Does he get angry with you over “nothing”? If an argument breaks out, does he always blame you? Is he quietly and slowly disapproving of your friends and some family members? Does he drink too much? Just little things sometimes can show that there could be a problem down the track.

    Do you and your loved one envisage the same lifestyle?

    Do you have compatible religious beliefs? You don’t need to belong to the same religious group, but if one of you is of one persuasion and the other - e.g.. is an atheist - can you both accommodate that?

    Children - do you agree on how you want to raise your children and how many you might have? Are you in agreement on education/religious instruction et al?

    Pets. If one of you is a passionate dog lover and the other doesn’t like dogs - how are you going to resolve this? If you love animals and your partner does not, then how are you going to cope for the rest of your life without an animal in the family? This IS an important thing.

    So - IMO, the only thing you can do to offset time-wasting is to take things slowly at the beginning and get to know the person you fancy as best you can before committing to a deeper relationship. I know you can’t always tell - some narcissists, e.g. - are very good at being charming and appear to be perfect right from the start. Remember, there is no such thing as the perfect person!!!

    Best of luck, pet, and hold you head up high.

    1. You are right, taking things slowly is the best approach. Besides, it's better to see it as a learning process.

  2. I think your question is along the lines of preventing a failed relationship. Best I can do is present you our “us” philosophy that’s worked very well for us for over 1/3 century. Which I’ve posted many times. Relationship = equal partners = no “I”, no “you”, simply “us”. “Us” being 100% of the time. When both screw up, does it really matter who did most damage? Use all that effort to fix the problem, not the blame. It’s an “us” problem that “us” will conquer. Besides, how can “us” fight “us”?

    Once the partners commit to being “us”, there’s nothing “us” cannot overcome. Incompatible? Nothing in common? Compromise/negotiate/mutual agreement, subject to change, can find a number of solutions. Incompatible? Hardly, if in a relationship, so pieces that are incompatible can be dealt with. Noisy hobbies that neither like the other’s? Different ends of the house at the same time. Nothing in common? We had little in common upon “I do”. Now we have much in common. Just takes some imagination. Remember, it’s an “us” problem that “us” will solve.

    When “us” solve a problem together, there’s a real feeling of triumph, lots of warm and fuzzies. Drawing “us” closer. Nice!

  3. Why dont you get creative…focus on your growth

  4. I think there are some wonderful suggestions here. Especially about being your authentic self. So often, people try to present themselves as some sort of ideal but eventually the facade will fade away. So it is always better to just be yourself from the start!
    the creation of beauty is art.

  5. I believe that no time in any relationship is wasted if it’s positive and your love is grown what more could you ask for however if you feel it is negative and that you love will not progress you would be able to understand what is needed to develop a better relationship with a newer person

  6. The word to remember is Reciprocation. A relationship where one party does everything to please the other but getting little or nothing in return is a waste of time. Relationships have to prosper. If it remains stagnant, then it's not going anywhere. Communication is another important factor. If there is little to talk about between the two of you, then it's headed for failure. If you're not going on dates but instead staring at the TV in the weekend, you're wasting your time. And the most important item of all…sex. If it's declining or completely missing in your relationship, then it's terminal. These are just a few examples.

  7. This is not an easy question to answer as you have not told us what you did wrong in your last relationships.

    Did you move to fast? Did you move too slow? Did you establish that you were needy to did you establish that you did not need anyone in your life ever (again)?

    There is also rarely an easy one or two point advice platitude we can give you that works in every situation. Like yourself, I have devoted time to relationships I thought would be magical, at first, only to have them degenerate to delivery pizza and DVDs on Saturday nights. (Know what I mean?) I did discover (with a little bit of age and experience) that what I WISHED and what was REALITY were often very different. That cute guy at the end of the bar is not the rich prince I hoped he would be who would sweep me away from all of this. I needed to take time and check out the men I dated for anything serious.

    So, there you have it. Simple answers to complex questions of relationships with other people. I wish you better luck next time.

  8. Be certain of what you want or expect. Communicate those wants and expectations and do not expect the other person to be a mind reader. Also, learn what the other person values and do your best to give them what they want. And lastly, is what you are about to say or do loving and kind? If it is not, reconsider. And if the other person says something to you that is unloving or unkind, politely call them out on it and let them know you can disagree and still be loving and kind.

  9. All relationships are a gamble and they all involve time, and when you see is not going the right direction, get out!

  10. Hi Melody,

    Thanks for asking me.

    The thing that jumped out at me was the notion of time being wasted in a relationship. I’d encourage you to reframe how you view the notion of wasted time. I have been in relationships that didn’t lead to long-term love but I learned something from every single one. In some the lessons were related to “wow, why did I stay with someone who was making me nuts?” Or , honestly, “why is the sex not so great and why didn’t I speak up about it?” So, from my context, time is never wasted if I continue to be curious about what the heck was I thinking and why did I choose that person. And with every relationship that didn’t work out, I got closer to knowing who and what would be great.

    I’m just spit-balling here, but I guess your question revolves around how do you make better choices and that you aren’t interested in anything but a great LTR. And Diana’s response does a great job of helping you to narrow the field.

    But relationships are always a bit of a crap shoot and life can throw a wrench into the works that can take down even a good relationship. Just think about Covid-who could have known and it is bringing many relationships down.

    So, your question of how do you prevent time being wasted in another relationship ultimately is answered by ‘just don’t choose to be in a relationship again’. That seems to be the only sure way to prevent wasting time in one. And you will see that lots of people, women in particular, are choosing to live life as singles, sometimes also as celibate. Some people really thrive when left to design their own lives, without desiring to be in an LTR for various reasons.

    So, Melody my dear, it is up to you to decide whether you believe the challenges of relationships are worth your effort and time. There’s no wrong or right answer, only what’s right for you. And maybe you decide to take a break, for a few months or a few years, to focus on creating a good life just for you. You can always revisit the issue of desiring an LTR.

    No matter what, I wish you happiness and peace.

  11. First understand not every relationship is going to end in marriage.

    Then if you want to get married and have kids bring it up within the first 4 months to see if you are on the same page. Some people bring it up on date 1, but I think that is too much pressure. Don’t stay 5 years with someone who never wants to marry if marriage is important to you. If one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t, move on.

    Decide what your deal breakers are and if they arise, be prepared to go.

    Assess the relationship over time, is it progressing, are you happy, are you miserable. If you are happy stay, if you are not, go. Do not waste your own time.

  12. Know yourself and get to know the other person. It may take a long time to answer the following questions? What is their age? How does it relate to your age? Are they “marriage material”? What is their current marital status: single, married, separated, divorced? Are they currently in a relationship? What do others think of them? What is their reputation? What is their attitude towards marriage and family? How did they grow up? What was/is their parents’ marriage like? What is their character? Are they honest, loyal, trustworthy? Do they have any “baggage”? If so, can you live with it? What prejudices do they have? How would this affect you? What is their view of life? What are their favorite pastimes, hobbies, activities? How are their finances? How is their health? After about 6 months, are they serious? After a year, are they committed to their relationship with you?

  13. Be up front with whoever you are starting a relationship with, and let them know with the do’s and don’ts are to win your heart! If they’re not willing to follow the path to win your heart, they’ll let you know, one way or another!!

  14. That is the hardest thing for anyone to go through. But you’re not alone.. My Ex told me that he couldn’t be with me and waste anymore time because we were in a relationship for 14 years. It took me sometime with Professional help to realize how, what and why. I came to discovered that we stopped growing with each other. That we did not have the most important things that is needed in a relationship. I have suggested or stated numerous times to strangers what is needed.

    The answer to your question is Self Care and Self Love. Because in a relationship “Wasted” is stating you or them are depressed and have no form of Belonging. Why is that? The loss of purpose, the loss of one self? If you loved your self enough you wouldn’t be asking this question. Because you would never find yourself in a situation to be in a bad relationship with another person. Because you would see it right of the bat. See the red flags and end it or correct it. So before you go into another relationship. You need to ask yourself one thing… How much do I love myself that I keep finding ppl that just seems to be toxic for me that I am wasting time?

    If you love yourself you would never find yourself to ask that question… Do the work in finding yourself and loving yourself so that you will never meet toxic ppl. Because what you put out there is exactly what you attract. So look within and fix what is wrong before you go out and get into those relationships. I wish you the best because the hardest thing to do is work on yourself. The Ego is the most powerful thing and it’s the hardest to let go or swallow. But it’s freeing once you let go of the Ego and do the hardest work you will ever do. The Dark night of the Soul is no joke..

  15. Don’t jump into a relationship too early. Take it slowly and get to know the other person well before making it a “relationship.”

  16. That’s easy. Just don’t get in a relationship at all.

    Time saved.

    you’re welcome.

  17. first you can’t. Even best relations break. Because love is not a permanent feeling. It changes all the time.

    so all you can do is be a really great person, but rely emotionally on yourself, don’t have expectations and maybe something will work out.

    also making better choices helps.

  18. Great question. You HAVE to know what YOU want. It's really that simple. People sometimes say oh relationships are so difficult. No. They're real simple as long as you know what you want. Set boundaries for example how the other person treats you. Do they ignore your messages? Red flag. Do they not introduce you to their friends/family after 6 months. Another Red Flag and remember that people will ALWAYS prioritise their time to what they choose. So if you're left hanging or on read a lot then you are not a priority in your bf/gf eyes sadly. Time to move on

  19. No quarantee that next relationships will be better than previous ones.Important things that you learned a lot from previous ones and you changed. Just enjoy the moment and don t think about any fail too earl.y

  20. This notion that time is being wasted in a relationship Please Guard against that notion. We can all learn from each other. I have been lucky to date some lovely Women. Learned something new from each of them. Took info in. Been married to same woman 23,years now.

  21. lTake note from men. Their time is rarely wasted because they only stick around when, if & as long as their needs are being met. Women stick around as long as they're being sold hope that their needs will eventually be met. This is why women leave bitter but men leave feeling like conquers, because the men get what they want.. It's only a waste of time for the women. Don't wait for your needs to be met, don't wait for a man to change, don't meet the needs of any man who isn't meeting yours AT THE SAME TIME. Ghost any man who isn't giving you what you want cuz he'd surely ghost you if it were reversed. Judge men by their actions, stop accepting words, promises & excuses. Don't try to earn love or prove yourself to a man by meeting his needs & requiring no immediate reciprocity. Matter of fact, get what you want first.

  22. My advice is keep it casual. In the beginning of a relationship make it clear “Just Dating None Exclusively” this way you can keep dating other people. Otherwise, if it is a monogamy relationship, if this person is wrong for you, you wasted your time, while your Mr (or Ms) right slip by your finger.

  23. Don’t get in a relationship

  24. Great tips, Melody, and the comments have such wonderful feedback as well. I think focusing on authenticity and effective communication is absolutely the best way to enter any relationship, whether it is romantic and intimate or purely a Platonic friendship. Begin respectful and kind and genuine is so important for any successful relationship. Thanks for sharing and linking with me.


  25. Be decisive by analyzing your time spent. If both of you have spent time on this bond, the efforts made should correspond to what they say they want and need. This is a good start. Moreover, if you can make complex plans together and actually manifest a future through incremental efforts, you’re in a relationship with positive trajectory.

  26. To be honest I would say get to know someone first and know their intentions. Also analyze what you want. If you have not healed from your previous relationship I would tell you to do that first before you bring your emotional baggage onto someone else into another relationship. I would say within the first six months to a year if you don’t really see what you want out of the relationship, it’s time to bounce. Also doing on and off, point blank: you’re wasting your time if you’re in an on and off relationship.

  27. Easy. Make sure you make them invest in you, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially. You date them. You get to know them. You dont reveal all your cards straight away. You listen. You learn. You become patient. You do not make plans and chase and become the aggressor. You are feminine, relaxed you stop listening to that biological clock (depending on whether yoire a female writing this!)

    Let him come to you. Create boundaries and stick to them. Don’t rush into jumping into the sack with him (or her!) Get to know him. Remain a mystery for as long as you can get away with.

    Find out what sort of guy he is! Find out what he wants in life and by this I dont mean asking “do you want children" on your first date. That's scary! Thats even scary to me and I have children..I'm here to have a drink and have fun.. and you're frightening me. Stop it.

    Just a few things there. Inbox me for more!

  28. Melody, no one can tell the future. We will never know not unless we really try it and give our 100% effort.

    How many people you know failed but ended up happy or successfully? How many times they failed? WE ONLY NEED TO BE RIGHT ONCE!

  29. First, I want to say that there is no fool proof way to keep from wasting your time in a relationship for two reasons. One, you can't control the other person and two, you can't predict the future. However, there are steps you can take to minimize the risk and loss. The first thing you want to do is create a list of things you desire in a mate. No matter how big or small, write it all down and be very detailed. Let me be clear, make sure you are writing the list out of strong desires and need and not thinking out of lack or from things you don't want. Once you've written down everything you want, go back to the list and place a “M” next to “Must Have” and “F” next those things you are Flexible with having. If you end up with more than 10 must haves pull out your top 10. Here are a few questions to ask yourself when narrowing them down. Ask yourself, 1. Is this something I'm going to care about in 10 years? 2. Is this something I need or I want? 3. Is this character derived or this taught? 4. Can I accommodate the things I expect from my partner. Now, this one is key because it is literally counting the cost of the desires you have. Just to give you an example. You want a guy that's outgoing but you're a homebody. Or you want him tall, dark and cut up in his body but you don't even go to the gym. Or even, you want a man that leads but you tend to be a little controlling. Now in order to produce this list you have to be very familiar with your strengths and weaknesses. You must be willing to be brutally honest with yourself. Once you have your list to your top 10, ANY guy that doesn't mean them at least 8 of the 10, walk. Don't even give him the time past what it takes to ask him the questions to see if he matches your list. And don't be afraid to take a person into interview mode, a person that is really interested, will appreciate the attempt at getting to know them. Definitely do not steer from the list because you can get caught up and begin to settle. Will it take a little longer? Possibly! But it will be worth the wait to get what you really desire. I hope this helps.

  30. Learn from previous relationships, but mostly what is important is to know thyself.

    When I say know thyself, this is something that many people take lightly, however we sometimes forget who we truly are or a false misconception of who we are. Dig deep, identify your qualities and strengths, but also aspects in your life that you want to improve. The goal is not to be perfect, but to remember that growth and self development is on a daily basis.

    It is also important to know what you want in a relationship and what you do not want in a relationship. But also remember not to ask a future partner demands they cannot fulfill and vice versa.

    One of the most important things is to take time to know someone. In the beginning, chemicals, hormones, naive ideas about love make us sometimes go too fast in a relationship, we think because we are madly in love with someone the first few months, we know all about them and we found our soulmate, just to find out that they become a total stranger.

    Never view past relationships as a waste of time, but as an experience you learn deep lessons about one's self and others.

  31. I don’t think anything gets wasted in a relationship. No matter how it ended or what you endured during the relationship. For the simple, reason being every experience is a learning experience. I’m gonna take a guess that your last relationship did not work out as planned. Even though it is hard to see through the pain, and whatever other damaging emotions the relationship inflicted on you. You can make a good list at this point of things to look for in an unhealthy relationship. Boundaries you will not allow to be crossed again because you now know the result. Traits in a partner that you find unacceptable. So while you may think the relationship was a waste of your time. It took the exact amount of time it was supposed to for you to learn these things in life. It does not feel fair, but how are we supposed to learn this information? By listening to someone who has been through it before? I have never know any information to stop a person from pursuing a relationship they “wanted so badly” at one time. These are the types of things we learn by experience only. In hope that it only takes once. So instead of looking at it as a waste of your time, which is a negative outlook. Try to gain some insight from yourself. Now, you are closer to knowing more about yourself, who you want in a partner, and what you don’t want. I think that time is a very tricky, and complex thing. Timing can be everything. I think if there are certain lessons and experiences we are to know and go through so that we have more wisdom. It could take time for us. The more we fight to learn and grow, I suppose the more time it would take. Maybe to avoid any more time being taken from you (which is going to happen anyway no matter who is in your life) You could make a list of the things you know you do want in a partner, and the things you know you don’t want. That should eliminate some of the guessing. I also suggest you take a little time and think about the experiences and things you learned in your last relationship. Reflect on them and how they changed you. Try to see something good even if it is only for the good of your own heart.

  32. Make more effort for him but I’ve got too tell him too start a knowledge of her. Talk, at least try to remain friends (won’t never be the same though.) Communicate & don’t be afraid of each other.

  33. If you notice the relationship between the 2 are toxic and you tried to fix it but it still is toxic all you need to do is to get out of it and move forward and not waste your time . There are 2 kinds of people

    Nice people
    Good people
    The difference between the two are nice people stay in the relationship eventhough they know that the relationship between the two is dead. The good people will push the envelope if they see that the relationship is progressing and they will walk away like nothing ever happened between them no drama nothing

  34. Take your time with the person. You have to really know the person 100% to prevent your time getting wasted. Know for sure that the person is genuine with good intentions etc. be patient and don’t rush anything. If your already in a relationship and your trying to avoid wasting time then that will cause you to waste your own time because before you get into a relationship, you have to know for sure in your heart that the person is the person for you and that shows you that they’re not going to waste time. Time will tell if that person will waste your time or not. You just have to be patient and get to know the person fully.

  35. You cant control how someone behaves in a relationship the only this you can do is learn from your past mistakes and be more careful when it comes to choosing who you settle with.

  36. Watch the red flags very carefully & this time act upon it! Leave!

  37. Wasting time… It sounds depressing. Wasting time of your life that is limited and biological clock running? I personally got fed up with all of that. I live in a society where a 25-years old girl should be already married and with children ideally. So everyone started pushing me with that since I was 18. When I was 25+ literally everyone said that: family, colleagues, random people I happened to socialise with. When I got in a serious relationship everyone started to push me so hard that at some point I started pushing my boyfriend and nearly destroyed my very happy relationship. But I've learnt something: only you should decide if you're wasting your time or not, not your relatives, friends and not the society. If you're happy, just enjoy the happiness and do what you want and when you want.

    If you want children by 25 then find the one who also wants it; if you want to get married ASAP then find someone who wants the same. When you meet a guy who is interested in you and you like him, tell him what exactly you want, at the very beginning. If you want to be happy with someone then just be happy. As soon as you realise what exactly you want you won't be wasting time.

  38. I don't believe time is wasted in a relationship, we always learn something new whether we have repeated the same mistake or not. Taking time to get to know someone new is my approach to making a determination whether I see a relationship moving forward or leaving the two of you as just friends. Someone once said: “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up, the most certain way to succeed is to always try just one more time” You aren't wasting your time in any relationship, whatever you do don't give up trying for the relationship you are searching for.

  39. I'll let me answer your question don't get in a relationship then you won't be wasting your time in one what a silly question easy like that breakup move on move on to what I'm not sure cuz I broke up three months ago where I'm going I don't know where I was I didn't want to be there when you don't want to be in a relationship you should get the hell out for your married to that person aura they take you out back and bury you in the swamp somewhere nope I think I'd get out of the relationship yep how many times has he said get out if he said that more than twice or she said that more than twice you should get out.

  40. Lay all your cards out on the table. What do you want from this relationship? Your expectations, your dreams, your goals, your sexual fantasies, lay them all out on the table. I know I am too old for bullshit, I will be upfront and honest with my intentions if you are.

  41. Do a post op. Why did it not work? Relationships take two. It is not the only fault of the other person. At the end of the day, is the time really wasted? It brought you to where you are today. Change the story. Look into the work of Byron Kelly. Our thoughts can make us feel like shit. Work on yourself and figure out why you stayed in a relationship that you are now calling a “waste of time”.

    I have been guilty of this. Guess what, if you don’t figure out why you did it the first time, the universe gives you an even harder test the next time and an even bigger lesson after. trust me.. I’ve been there..

  42. Knowing exactly what I DON'T want, what I do want and having my personal boundaries put in line and not to be stepped on. Having self respect…Not bougie…enough to be confident in what I will accept and a partner who wishes the same.

  43. Hey!

    Identify the patterns of your relationship. People tend gravitate those who feel familiar, or situations that they feel comfortable in (whether it’s healthy or not), or because they are trying to escape something (ex. I don’t want to think about grad school, so I’ll date Kevin and put my energy into this relationship instead). Identify what traits each of your past relationships share. Do you date guys to make yourself feel better about yourself? Do you rush into a relationship because you feel like you’re going to be alone forever? Do you not want to deal with the reality that you still haven’t settled into a career you’re passionate about?


    Then, once you have identified the pattern, take time to yourself to fix it. If your self-esteem is damaged, go volunteer, go take a class, go do activities that you love! Enrich yourself to the point where you feel the best version of yourself. You shouldn’t feel like you NEED a relationship. More so, a relationship would be a nice addition to your life.

    Then, and only then, would you be able to be in a healthy relationship. If you’re in a healthy relationship, it won’t feel like a waste of your time. The only time where we feel we have wasted time and energy, is when we knew it was wrong.

    I hope this helps. Best of luck to you!

  44. Here are a few of my tips and I hope you apply these to you dating life because as you know wasted time can never be given back. My tips are:

    as soon as you see a red flag - MOVE ALONG TRUST ME
    listen to your gut
    write down exactly what you want and need from a partner
    avoid guilt tripping yourself into staying with someone because you feel bad
    i would say after 8–10 dates if you truly see yourself being in a relationship with them
    stay true to who you are….always
    follow me on Instagram - At saraschwerd97

  45. Sit down and think of all the things your ex put you through that made you and the relationship and then then do a little self reevaluation of what you're looking for in a partner.

    And instead of playing the whole head game thing that people like to play just be upfront and straightforward and tell them what you expect and ask what they expect from you so you know that you're on the same page. So that it doesn't end up one of you falling in love and the other person is just in it for a fling.

  46. Danny Gonzalez11/25/2020

    You dont date just anyone

  47. Be selective of your partner by taking time to get to know others, listen well to what your partner is saying and his/her belief to be the same as yours may help understand your partner and work together not to waste the relationship.

    I want you to know that some of us choose partner by his/her looks when you are young but beauty itself won’t last long and we, all go back to old true love which many of us lack of it and go with our own desire only and being disappointed by not what you thought who he/she is later. However, if you learn to look for good in others, it always helps to understand that we are all not perfect and if need any change to be made for each other, work it out together and make the best of life.

  48. I hate to be contradictory if you feel this individual you have fallen for is right for you there is no question you are not wasting your time.

    However, with any decision, caution should be practice to safeguard your heart and feelings for this person you think so highly about but to give you time to see flaws in this person's personality and if you can live with them.

  49. Just tell them that you can't stay in a relationship like this and that you wish them well. After that go no contact.

  50. “How do you break free from a relationship with an over-controlling and obsessive partner?”

    I’m only an observer of such things, and not an official expert of any kind, but I can tell you one very important thing that is commonly overlooked.

    That is, that there are two components to such situations, and each must be addressed separately.

    The two components, are the EMOTIONAL, and the MECHANICAL.

    The mechanical is often the most important to accomplish first. The subject has to physically and financially extract themselves from the other person, and establish an entirely independent physical existence from them.

    The emotional component is usually much more involved and complicated, and even more important.

    But neither alone, is sufficient to effect a true “breaking free.”

    In that sense, it can be very like dealing with a chemical addiction. If all you address is one of the two, things are likely to return to to the way they were, or even worse, in short order.

  51. Do not even think about that person. Do not make excuses for them. Do not let yourself consider anything but what you know is real. Never think for another person. Keep in mind that person is using you and nothing more. A person that would treat you like this is a worthless person. All they do is exploit and use another person. They will only make sure that what they need is taken first and then used against you. This is type of person is an opportunist and they are only out for themselves. A person that is doing these things is in trouble and they want to use you for an escape from their problems and nothing more. They will do this while they are with someone else and lie to you about that. You will hear from other people and this is something that you will not want to believe is true. This type of person is unhealthy and you should stay away them.

  52. If so I would stay back and not think for a minute or two. I wouldn't want to waste my time for anyone for whom who don't have time for me. So it is better off to lay down & think what you wanna do with your life & your future! So many things to do and meet new people in life is a blessing! So you want to avoid thinking about what happened in the past tensed. Go forward, and don't look back! #EVER! I know it's hard not to think about whatever happened in the past.. but really be consistent about it if you really litterly want to forget about whatever happened.. I have done it and learned it the hard way out.. good luck!

  53. By being honest about what you want from the beginning. If you feel the time was wasted it’s because you didn’t settle down. Be open about your wants and expectations from the off. (Obvs don’t need to scare them off on the first day).

  54. One must be Observant, While being kind and generous don’ accept actions that are below your standers. Hopefully your standards are reasonable

  55. Foresee the signs: are there common goals? Is there common culture? Is there an horrifying object somewhere in her environment? Is there borderline, autisme, narcism, psychopathy? Stop immediately. You will only be a stepping stone towards her lonelyness, uglyness and hate.

  56. If you think you’re wasting time in a relationship, you’re not in a relationship anymore.

    Peace be with you.

  57. Hi Melody, we can look at the glass half empty or half full. In all of existence, there are no mistakes, just lessons. Mistakes help us grow, allow us to have a clearer vision, let us have opportunities to learn from-to discover and reinvent ourselves.

  58. Using “perspective".

    Provided you took “something" positive from the relationship, then it's no longer wasted time, just the ‘previous chapter' of your life.

    Growth, be it spiritual, mental or emotional, is always good.

  59. You make every moment count with the right person.

  60. Take your time to get to know him

    You don't have to ask him to be your bf/gf or wife tomorrow ����

  61. Hi

    It's hard to give an answer without knowing what your concerns were . . .

    The main reason for why we waste our time is hanging on to someone that isn't going to commit. You see the red flags but ignore them.

    It's a good idea to remember to act on red flags in future relationships, and don't prolong getting out.


  62. I wasted time on two guys before I get married:

    I didn’t have a plan nor held the man accountable for making that plan happen.
    My career was my priority, if things went south in the relationship I can’t afford being broke. So no.
    I allowed the guy’s mom to cross the line.
    Not wasting your time means:

    Learn to know who is a qualified husband material, a lot of broke a** guys, or guys that are on drugs or god knows what, or still studying or figuring things out. You want none of that.
    Easy going guys, someone you will have an easy life with, not too demanding yet of service to others. Avoid: people who are pain in the a**, losers nothing gets them going, narcissists, users, people with PTSD (they live in countries where war is happening), people who think their ascendants from some special race NO NO and NO. These people have the worst social skills, you will just become dull and sick around them.
    Someone whose time to commit won’t be years (because hun a lot can happen during those years, and you would be stupid taking that risk 😊) my motto is now or ciao!
    Voila. The rule is meet as much guys as possible, strictly filter out, if you find your guy, execute the plan fast!

    My rule: If you do nothing right, at least kick out the time wasters!! if you don’t marry (because hun, those type of men don’t marry) at least you have built a career, have bought your home, secured your retirement and is financially independent.

  63. Try not to make the same mistakes.

    Don’t repeat the same actions as you’ll most likely get the same results.

    Don’t allow your partner to do be a repeat offender either.

    If it’s going nowhere, walk away.

    Really and truly all you can do is give it a try. You will know when it’s a waste of time. It’s a waste if it isn’t productive.

  64. Just look for what you want, if you notice red flags, or get that gut feeling it’s not going to work out or something isn’t right, just move on.

    Nobody likes wasting their time, it’s the most precious thing we can spend, and something we can never get back. Just look for someone worthy of it, there’s no guarantee because we never 100% know someone else’s intentions, but just take care of your side. ❤️

  65. Here are some tips on how to prevent your time from being wasted in a relationship again:

    Learn from your past relationships. What went wrong in your previous relationships? What red flags did you miss? What did you learn about yourself? Once you understand what went wrong, you can start to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
    Set boundaries. What are your deal breakers? What are your expectations for a relationship? Make sure you communicate these boundaries to your partner from the start.
    Trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Don't ignore your intuition.
    Don't be afraid to walk away. If you're not happy in a relationship, it's okay to walk away. It's better to be alone than to be in a relationship that is making you unhappy.
    It's important to remember that you deserve to be in a happy, healthy relationship. Don't settle for anything less.

  66. You set boundaries and standards while you work on yourself.

    At the beginning of a relationship, we all fall victim to the honeymoon phase. I like to call it infatuation nullification. We are so excited to have a new partner and share our lives with them that we overlook the red flags.

    Set boundaries

    You can begin to notice the red flags when you set boundaries for yourself and what you are willing to tolerate. A boundary shouldn’t be made for your benefit of yourself but as a way to show you value a specific part of yourself and the relationship. Poor boundaries almost always reflect low self-esteem (and vice versa).

    If you want a good example of how to set good boundaries, I recommend you check out this article https://markmanson.net/boundaries, as I could go on and on about it, but this gives a good summary of what to do.

    Make standards, not expectations.

    An example of a standard is if you have a partner and are going on a date, you shouldn’t have to expect them to shower. As a confident adult human, they should know they should shower before going on a date.

    An expectation is a transaction. You expect something of somebody for your own benefit. Unless you have already had a conversation with this person, and they promise. Now it has become a standard.

    An example of an expectation is if I have a girlfriend and she asks for a burrito, I only get her a burrito because I expect sex later. She is longer the means but the end leading to sex. The same could be applied to women. If a woman wants to have sex with her man but expects him to initiate sexy time every time, he is no longer the means but the end leading to her validation.

    Work on yourself

    If you surround yourself with people who are losers, you will attract only losers. However, if you build yourself up and surround yourself with successful people, you are more likely to attract a successful partner.

    What do all your relationships have in common?

    You. It takes 2 to tango, so take some time to reflect on where you might have gone wrong in that relationship. Regardless of whose fault it was for the breakup, it was still your conscious choice to date the last person. So rather than be upset about it, learn from it and grow.

    All the best,

    Count Joshula


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