Thursday, April 22

The three dimensions to a great marriage.

There are three dimensions a man and woman must find themselves operating in to know they are ready for marriage. If you are not operating in these dimensions you are simply not ready for marriage. 

Disclaimer: This article is pointed to those of marriageable age.

The three dimensions for men are:

1. As a husband.
The dimension of a man as a husband defines the scope of his ministry to his wife. Every man needs to understand that scripturally you have a ministry exclusive to his wife, and if you have not trained yourself to be able to carry out that ministry to your wife effectively, you will not be able to get married, and if you do you will never enjoy your marriage. The dimension of a man as a husband defines his intimacy with his wife, meeting her emotional and psychological needs. All of these together define the role of a man as a husband. 

The danger with this is that in our society there are not many husbands, they may be fathers, men of God, many leaders but poor husbands because they often forget that there is an exclusive role that a man should play to his wife. There are many pastors, businessmen church leaders, entrepreneurs, public figures, and celebrities who are starving their wives of this dimension. You are not a husband when a wife comes to you, you are a husband when you are prepared to meet the dimension of being a husband.  Do not wait for marriage to make you a husband, you are first a husband before marriage.  This dimension trains you to understand who a woman is. Women are emotional, the bible said to dwell with them according to knowledge. One of the greatest ministries of a man is to be able to give his wife emotional security. When a man begins to compare his lady or his wife with another woman, what you are simply telling your lady/wife is that she is short of a standard. You begin to mount pressure on that lady. Every lady wants to come to the man God has given her and feel secured. Both males and females have liabilities, there are weaknesses and there are strengths. Nothing is embarrassing about it.

A husband who understands this dimension will protect his wife emotionally because he understands that her love for him is a response to the confidence that he gives her. Many people think that the dimension of a husband is only the pre-children dimension, so some men are husbands until the arrival of children. From the time the woman gets pregnant the man feels he has graduated from being a husband, his work now is to be a father and spiritual head, rubbing the wife of the husband dimension. 

2. Father (Provider and protector).
You are not a father when you have children. The word father is the Greek word Abba. The word Abba means Source and sustainer, not the one who reproduces children necessarily. You are a father when you are the originator of a thing. Fatherhood has nothing to do necessarily with given birth to children. A lot of people get it wrong. The moment they have a child or children they convince themselves that they are fathers. God's view of fatherhood is not just reproduction alone, it is the ability to provide and protect. You do not become a father when you get married, you get married because you are a father. Many men are not fathers, the hallmark of fatherhood is responsibility. You will have to provide love, food, shelter, security, an enabling environment for your wife and your children to find expression. Provide spiritual guidance and mentorship. This is what it means to be Abba. 

When a man is married and does not have children, it is said that he is a husband and not yet a father.  The moment the wife gives birth, he says finally I am now a father, but that is wrong because fatherhood is about provision and protection. No gentleman should get into marriage when you are not a father. You are not a father by your age, by the longevity of time, by the appearance of many children whether spiritually or physically, you are a father according to your ability to provide. 

It all starts with your relationship, how you protect and provide for her. This is not just about finances, but your attitude towards responsibility. Many men do not have fatherhood consciousness. In fatherhood, self-centeredness dies because you know it is not about you alone. When you call God your father, you are not just calling him father because you are his son or daughter but because of his ability to provide and protect you. You neglect fatherhood when you become irresponsible. Ask yourself before you marry, are you are a father? It is not enough to be a husband, you must be a father.

3. As the spiritual head or the priest of a home.
Everyman is instituted by God to be the spiritual head of his home. That is why for as a lady you should not compromise on the issue of marrying a man who loves God. It matters because according to God a man is the spiritual head. The man should teach children morals. The world that we live in is no longer the world of physical strength but the world of spiritual capacity. When you become a husband, a father, and a minister you are ready for marriage. 

The three dimensions for women are:

1. Wife.
What does it mean to be a wife? many ladies do not know what it means to be a wife. A wife just like the husband defines the entire scope of ministry to her husband. Under the dimension of a wife, your ministry is only to your husband. This is the dimension where you bring the king out of your husband, by meeting his emotional needs. In every man there is a king, it takes a wife to bring out the king. A man will give you anything if you bring out the king in him. No matter who a man may be, there is a dimension that God has given to women to make a man feel like a man if you are not doing it, it is because of negligence not because you have not been equipped. This has nothing to do with seduction, from your physical outlook let the man be proud of you. If you are still driven by Ego you can never be a wife. He that hath found a good wife, hath found a good thing and shall receive a pleasure from the Lord. You must be a wife to be found. There are many women and few wives.

2. Mother (A homemaker).
A mother is the marker of the home. The keyword under motherhood is sacrifice. Many ladies are wives but not mothers. Do not allow westernization to suck out the dimension of motherhood in you. A man can build a house but it takes a woman to make a home. A home talks about the emotional climate, creating a conducive atmosphere for love, unity, progress, and peace is the responsibility of a woman.

3. A minister.
It is the character of God to operate in a multifaceted dimension. A true minister is a woman who can pray and fast and stand in the gap for her family. Many men have ignored the priestly role of their partner, they look down on it and hold little or no respect for it. There is a prophetic dimension to every woman. A man must respect the prophetic dimension of a woman.

Marriage is beautiful when you settle down with the right partner. Be patient to get it right, be positive, and while doing this train yourself towards being a better partner.

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