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What do you do if your partner with a mental disorder refuses to seek or accept help?

Have you ever been in a relationship with a person who can be happy this minute and in the next second you are already asking him/her what the problem is, because of their mood changes? I am referring to people with mood issues. They literally go cold from 100-0 in splits of seconds. If you have a partner who has this issue it affects you because you care, you start feeling cheated because it is only when they get back to their happy mood that you both get to spend happy moments together. They literally decide the mood/vibe around you both. This can affect your communication and bridge a big gap in between. One of the characteristics associated with people with mood issues is that when asked what the problem is they have a common answer which is always, "Nothing I am fine".

This is an issue some relationships and married couples face, not everyone is psychologically ok and  I believe that we all deserve to be happy even as we try to help them. In a situation, whereby your partner has refused to seek help or visit a psychologist what do you do? how can you help them?

1. Do you walk away to protect/safe your mental health since they have refused help?
2. Do you stay and keep hurting/enduring even as they have refused help?

How do you handle such a partner?


Photo by Davon Michel from Pexels

38 comments

  1. I most probably would endure while keep convincing them to seek help and letting them know the impact of their actions. it might take some time and in the mean time i would be protecting my own energy too so i wouldn't be much affected. I hope this issue will resolve soon dear

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    1. We all start on a positive note of telling ourselves that we will never give up, which is very good and normal. Mental health issues aggravate with time. Since they refuse seeking help it intensifies as years goes by. Everyone has a breaking point, I tell you if you have not been faced with this situation you might not understand how draining and saddening it can be. It affects families and children involved with such partner.

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  2. Stay off the Shift button.

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    1. Please what do you mean by stay off the shift button?

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  3. From the two options you suggested in the article, I think the second option can be modified to “I’ll stay and keep trying until she accepts my help” After some time, he/she will realize the mistakes and change.

    It is not easy to change anyone. You have to give more than your best

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    1. I understand that you are an enduring person who is willing to help, what if the person has totally refused helped. As humans, it starts to affect us. Family, children and loved ones start getting really worried and sad at some point. The partner suffers the most because you have to their schedule of happiness. What are further steps to be taken?

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    2. Alright! I understand. At this point you may have to involve a professional who obviously has more experience than you. The best professional is a RELATIONSHIP COUNSELOR/THERAPIST. Who knows, there may be reasons (you don’t know) your partner is refusing help. The therapist will find out

      Now, you want to ask, what if your partner isn’t willing to go? Speak with the relationship counselor first, and let’s see how it goes

      Above all, never stop loving your partner!!!

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  4. I think it all depends on the person and their situation. Also how strong your own mental health is too.

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    1. In a situation whereby, the person isn't so strong and easily breaks down due to the constant mood issues, what are further steps?

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  5. This problem is fundamental. You cannot solve it. Because it seems it is different than normal person being in daydreaming and quite.

    My first thought was that he has Bipolar Personality Disorder. If so, it means the chemistry of the brain is genetically imbalanced and he must all his life take medication. But he is not angry. So maybe he isn't BPD. If he has BPD, you cannot risk having a child with him. It has risk of BPD.

    The other guess is he has Avoidant PD. If so, there is no solution. I tried on one guy for 5 years. Not possible.

    The other guess is he suffers depression. Is he sleepy a lot? Like more than 10h sleep per day? If so, Bupropion 300mg/day helped me. Fluoxetine is very bad. It makes people not be able to feel love by decreasing dopamin and increasing serotonin. I left my fiance(boyfriend of 3 year after 3 months fluoxetine.

    Any of these cases, the answer is leave him. He needs professional help. There are 7.5 Billions people you could help and is meaningless to waste your precious years. I have done that. I feel I have lost my life. No results.

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    1. This is a sad reality. Honestly sometimes life feels god and all of a sudden it turns around like a car losing its direction in a confused state. I tell you this is one of my fears. The bad part is that you start seeing yourself getting angry because you react to their actions no matter how strong you are.

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  6. People don’t want to change … it’s coded into our DNA to avoid it. We’re only motivated to change when other people stop making our adaptations work for us … allowing dysfunctional coping strategies to work (by easing consequences) is called “enabling”. It keeps the person locked & hardened in maladaptive personality behaviors.

    It’s very likely you’ll have to face YOUR OWN distress about change, and leave him or her.

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  7. People don’t want to change … it’s coded into our DNA to avoid it. We’re only motivated to change when other people stop making our adaptations work for us … allowing dysfunctional coping strategies to work (by easing consequences) is called “enabling”. It keeps the person locked & hardened in maladaptive personality behaviors.

    It’s very likely you’ll have to face YOUR OWN distress about change, and leave him or her.

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    1. As you said, we might have to face our own distress and let them be. Sad but true.

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  8. You can’t change others. You can decide what you will accept in a person who is in a relationship with you. Leave if your standards are not met.

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    1. A better read on this article will give you a clearly view.

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  9. Great topic, Melody. For me, each situation and each relationship would determine the action I take. I am super caring and loving and very sensitive to mood disorders and other mental health issues so I am always willing to help a person seek treatment when necessary. But if the mood disorder manifests in a way where I become a victim of any kind of nastiness, I go immediately into self preservation mode. I will help anyone as long as they are not abusive to me. But again, each situation will require its own evaluation to determine the best course of action. Thank you for sharing this compelling topic and linking up with me.

    Shelbee
    www.shelbeeontheedge.com

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    1. I totally get your point of view and suggestion. Learning to go into a preservation mode when the atmosphere becomes toxic. The power for self protection wins it all.

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  10. Leave him alone.maybe it’s his pride that he can do or accomplish it without your help.YOU NEED TO SUPPORT AND TRUST HIM:)

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    1. Well, that might the a factor in some relationships or marriage, may be male or female.

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  11. This is generally the behavior of males. It happens sometimes with females as well. Some people love to give and help, but feel embarrassed to be helped.

    I would say do not make it worse by trying to force it on him, complain or judge. Try to be patient and work it out with each other.

    Sometimes a push from some outside source can give serious mileage in this area.

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    1. I do not think this is more about males, both male and females have this mood disorders and I guess it is best to trade with care.

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  12. I experienced something similar earlier this year with my partner. COVID was honestly the only thing that saved and possibly enhanced our relationship because we were forced to talk things through. Prior to that we were both far too busy for each other, let along professional help.

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    1. I am glad your relationship is in a beautiful place right now. Thanks for the contribution.

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  13. This is a very difficult question and situation, when one partner is depressed and has mood shifts and the other tries to help in vain. I think it is important to understand there is only as much as we can do. There is no point in two people being miserable all the time, that kind of situation doesn't help anyone. Sometimes the right thing to do is to stay with our partner and help them through difficult times and sometimes the right thing is to leave- it is not always possible to continue the relationship with a person suffering from depression. Sometimes they need professional help, sometimes we need to leave them alone, sometimes they need time until they can be in a relationship again. I think that sometimes we have to leave that relationship to preserve our own mental health.

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    1. Ivana you always have great words to share with us all and I appreciate it. These are wise words coming from you. Sometimes we can do nothing and when we try to help we start becoming a shadow of ourselves. Depression does not give some signals so protecting ourselves is more important than anything.

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  14. My dad had mood issues (ADD, depression) that were a real challenge, but unlike the scenario you describe, he tried to do something about it. Over time how he handled his moodiness improved. (Sadly for him, the internal moodiness never improved. He just learned to ignore his bad emotions because he learned they were not reflective of reality.) My mom stayed. Probably because being of an older generation, divorce wasn’t as common. But also she applauded all of his efforts. I think staying would have to be predicated on seeking help and trying to manage the mood swings.

    Michelle
    https://mybijoulifeonline.com

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    1. Michelle so sorry for your Dad. He accepted care which is a great thing to hear.

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  15. Leave, because they're in no position to be a partner to anyone if they can't take responsibility for themselves. Not good for anyone.

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  16. Get get someone can get through to him parents, shrink, friends etc

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  17. First of all, that is a sad situation to be in. Mental illnesses are a whole lot and each behaves differently. So it also depends on how severe it is. By trying to encourage your partner to seek for mental help is a great sign of love and good partnership. But it becomes tougher if your partner is in denial of being in that situation. This is not only about your partner. Most people in that situation don't want to admit that they have that problem. Because they have that problem, it discourages their decision making. To them everything seems normal. Convincing them to visit a specialist is an upheaval battle. And they get afraid that they could end up in mental hospitals permanently. However, you can't think of abandoning your partner because they've refused to accept it. You try all possibilities because it's part of the vows you made on that day. You can let the doctor try to convince him or her. They are trained to do that.

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  18. Leave, because they're in no position to be a partner to anyone if they can't take responsibility for themselves. Not good for anyone.

    I do wish my ex partners had done the same sooner. I didn't enjoy the codependency for a minute. Shouldnt be any surprise that they never turned out to be the white knights they imagined themselves to be.

    I save my damn self, bitch. It's a very twisted and disgusting dynamic. What you do is you leave. Your partner will remember you as the only person to actually give a fuck when they do decide that taking full responsibility for themselves is best.

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    1. Intervention with all our good friends, family members we’re close to, mental health professionals.
      The message for my partner is there’s nothing I won’t do to get you into treatment. I’ll be there every step of the way. Your friends and family will be, too.
      But, if you choose to reject treatment, I’m out. I’m a very good layman counselor, but I’m in over my head. You need in-patient treatment. I’ve shown you the best programs and you rejected them all. I won’t stay and watch the person I love commit slow-motion suicide.

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  19. You leave! especially if it’s a violent disorder. It will make you crazy trying to offset his crazy.

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  20. First of all, that is a sad situation to be in. Mental illnesses are a whole lot and each behaves differently. So it also depends on how severe it is. By trying to encourage your partner to seek for mental help is a great sign of love and good partnership. But it becomes tougher if your partner is in denial of being in that situation. This is not only about your partner. Most people in that situation don't want to admit that they have that problem. Because they have that problem, it discourages their decision making. To them everything seems normal. Convincing them to visit a specialist is an upheaval battle. And they get afraid that they could end up in mental hospitals permanently. However, you can't think of abandoning your partner because they've refused to accept it. You try all possibilities because it's part of the vows you made on that day. You can let the doctor try to convince him or her. They are trained to do that.

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  21. Then you need to think about whether or not you really want to be with them. If someone doesn't care about their own mental health, they can't begin to care about yours. You need to rethink being with this person. Why would you want to spend your entire life with this person??

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  22. You leave the relationship. If there is a factor undermining the relationship - mental disorder or whatever - and your partner refuses to address it, there’s no place left to go.

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  23. Decide if the relationship is something you want to remain in under those circumstances.

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