Thursday, August 27, 2020

Should I still be friends with her? Would You still be friends with her?

I am a very strong believer that toxic friends and relationships should be well observed and put away.
Last year, I traveled back to my country and I spent Christmas in my country. I was ready to come back to Ukraine but the flights were so expensive. Three times the price because it was during the festive period. I decided to buy my ticket from a third party website to cut down costs. After purchasing the flight ticket, money was deducted from my account but no booking ticket confirmation was sent to me. I haven't used this company before so I panicked a lot, it was a friend who introduced me to this company. I waited for a day and sent lots of emails but the process was so slow and I had less than three days to travel. I also needed to buy a domestic air ticket to the airport where I planned to take off from.

I called the company several times. Each time I called my airtime/call credit finishes due to the high call charges. Sometimes I will be kept on hold for close to 30mins until my call credit gets exhausted, it got really frustrating and I shaded tears at some point and started regretting my decision of using a third party company. I decided to inform someone in Ukraine to help me call the company since it is a Ukrainian company, this will also facilitate the process.

The company is located in Kyiv being the capital of Ukraine and I needed a person who is based in the capital to call and if need be the person can quickly go to the office of the company to help me sort out things properly. I decided to inform the boyfriend of my friend. He made the calls and helped me rectify the problem in less than an hour everything was sorted out. The booking confirmation was sent to me via email and I was super happy. I called my friend and thanked her for the help her boyfriend rathered to me, of course, I said a very big thank you to her boyfriend too.

Later, my friend's boyfriend wrote to me that he would like that I bring a particular fruit for him. That fruit doesn't grow in Ukraine so I understood why he wanted it.  "I promised to bring the fruit for him but he went ahead and said, 'you can come and stay in my place for some days before traveling to your city.'" He also asked that I send my ticket details so he can come to the airport to pick me. This was strange and I immediately informed my man but didn't inform my friend because I felt really uncomfortable. This was so disrespectful to my friend and I. I weaved it off because I felt bad for my friend and didn't want anything to affect her self esteem or for her to feel bad. I simply arrived at Kyiv and didn't call him.

I got to my city, informed him but he kept asking when I will come to Kyiv to spend time in their house, that he was very bored staying all alone. He never informed his girlfriend who is my friend about this. I wanted to keep the situation down and let everything slide so I just gave excuses such as I had to do quick registration, I had to fix my finances, I had a whole lot to fix, etc. I Stated that I will not be able to come to Kyiv and if I have to I will stay at another friend's place. He asked of the fruit and I made an excuse for that. I purposefully didn't bring the fruit because I didn't want him to come to the airport.

At the time this was happening my friend being his girlfriend was in Nigeria. I was communicating with my friend but suddenly she stopped communicating with me. I noticed some changes in her behavior little did I know that he (my friend's boyfriend) felt guilty and thought I was going to tell my friend what he did so he lied to her that I called him to ask him for some money which never happened and would never happen. My friend came back to Ukraine, didn't say a word to me, or inform me. I wrote her but she acted cold so I decided to let it be but my man told me I needed to find out what the issue was because she might be going through some issues. I got concerned again and wrote to her but she gave me the same attitude. I decided to forget about it.

Not until when she found out some things about him and left the relationship she then opened up to me about what he said about me.

I am not angry but disappointed. My question is this :
1. He said I asked him for some money which I never did, should that make the girl mad at her friend and decide not to speak to her again? tho I know he might have said more than that.

2. Knowing the type of person her boyfriend is, was it right that she didn't call me to ask questions, to clarify or find out more?

3. She did not call me to have a conversion or ask any questions instead, she decided to inform another friend of mine. Stating things that never happened and trying to stain my name.

Please I need to know, is she a true friend?

Should I still be friends with her?
Be honest, please.

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  1. You girls should talk it out. I'm sure that will help clear a lot of things and maybe even get your friendship back.


    1. I understand, thank you for your opinion.

  2. I would still be friends with her once you've talked it out and she's apologised. I live with my boyfriend and take anything he says at face value, so I can see why she believed him. I don't know why it's such a big deal to her though or why she didn't ask you about it? That seems super shady. If my partner said my friend asked him for money, I'd think it was super inappropriate but would call my friend straightaway to hear her side too...

    mia // https://beautiful-inspiring-creative-life.com/

    1. I understand you Mia. Thank you for the contribution.

  3. I would definitely tell her the truth!

    Curated by Jennifer

  4. great t-shirt dear!
    i would talk with her and tell her all what was happened!

  5. You don't know what exactly he said to her, maybe he implied something more and that is why she is cold. The best thing would be to tell her the truth- he asked you to stay with him, you refused and avoided him because of that.

  6. I recommend speaking to her and getting all the details and truth out. Then decide if this friendship is worth keeping. I would feel bad if I ended it and found out later that I had the wrong story.


    1. I totally understand you Kathrine. Great idea.

  7. Definitely do what you can to talk things out and gain some understanding of her perspective. Because to me, it doesn't sound like she is being a good friend at all. So I sincerely hope that this is all a misunderstanding that can be smoothed out. Sending you lots of love. I know how difficult situations like this can be. <3
    the creation of beauty is art.

    1. Situations like this can be so sad and distrusting. Thank you for your contributions

  8. Anonymous8/31/2020

    I understand your hurt and distrust, but you really don’t have all the information needed to make an informed decision about your friendship - unless there is absolutely nothing she can say to change your mind. But since you’ve asked, it doesn’t seem like you are comfortable dumping the friendship entirely at this point. Obviously, her boyfriend manipulated her. She is probably embarrassed. If it were me, I would contact her and discuss everything. See what she has to say, and tell her the truth. Only then will you have enough information about whether to continue the friendship.


    1. Dear Michelle, your words are right. I understand the part of speaking to her and finding out what wet wrong but I also need anyone reading this to understand that if that was necessary, she would have done it when she found out about such false information. She would have spoken to me instead of a friend. If she deserves such respect and clearance from my part she should have called me to ask questions.

  9. It's just so stupid and sad when friends grow appart just because of a guy.
    And I know how much it can hurt.
    I hope you'll be able to fix the relationship with this friend.

    1. Dear, I am not hurt but disappointed. I am not in dispute with her but I just feel the need to ask because each time this comes to my mind it gets me even more disappointed.


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