Suffering Is Not Love: We Are Done Shrinking (The Body Myth by Milli Hill)

I am bringing guns and bullets today, so if you are reading this and you have a biased mind against women, get ready to be angry. I welcome your anger in full force. Stay tuned.

When I saw this book, I immediately thought, this is the exact type of book I have to read. Well, it was sent to me, and now I am about to talk about it. So, let’s start by looking at all the absolute garbage they say about us:

• "Oh, a woman past 25 is no longer young."

• "Immediately after she finishes university, she isn't complete until she marries."

• "Oh, she won't make good babies after 25, her biological clock is ticking."

• "Oh, her beauty will fade away, a woman is just a season."

• "Oh, if she’s successful, she must be intimidating, bossy, or hard to love."

• "Oh, if she speaks her mind and demands respect, she’s just being 'emotional' or 'difficult.'"

• "Oh, she shouldn't wear that if she wants to be taken seriously."

• "Oh, she chose a career over starting a family? How selfish."

• "Oh, she's too independent, she’s going to end up alone."

• "Oh, she can't be a real leader because women are too hormonal."

• "Oh, a woman's true worth is tied to how 'pure' she is or how well she can keep a home."

• "Oh, she needs to dim her light and shrink herself so she doesn't bruise a man's ego."

Shut the fuck up. I said, "Shut the actual fuck up."

Milli Hill’s The Body Myth: Reclaiming the Powerful Truth About Being Female lands a decisive blow against centuries of male-default science, medical misogyny, and cultural conditioning. Rather than accepting the patriarchal premise that the female body is fundamentally fragile, messy, or in need of constant fixing, Hill guides us through every stage of female life to expose how deeply culture and medicine have misread women's biology.

The discussion begins with the subtle yet pervasive ways women are trained to shrink, both physically and sexually. Caught in an impossible double bind of always being "too much" or "too little"—too loud or too quiet, too fat or too thin, too orgasmic or too frigid—women internalize a persistent sense of inadequacy. This cultural bias directly influences physical intimacy; Hill points to a 2021 University of Michigan study where three-quarters of respondents agreed that male climax was of greater importance than female climax. In wellness and fitness culture, this conditioning manifests as physical restriction. In 1990s gym environments, male instructors routinely instructed women to stick exclusively to the lowest weights with high repetitions, strictly warning them never to lift heavy lest they "get big," transforming physical strength into something women were taught to fear rather than build.

Moving into menstruation, Hill shows how deeply fear and superstition have historically clouded female biology. Ancient Roman writers like Pliny the Elder claimed contact with menstrual blood would turn new wine sour, ruin crops, dull steel, and drive dogs mad with poison—crazy beliefs. Even as recently as the 1920s, pediatrician Béla Schick proposed the pseudoscientific concept of "menotoxin," arguing that a menstruating woman's breath and skin contained toxins capable of wilting plants and spoiling food. That ancient paranoia lingers today, reframed as casual misogyny whenever a woman’s legitimate anger or workplace assertiveness is brushed off with remarks like "Ooh, time of the month, is it?" Hill also addresses a widespread medical misconception regarding oral contraceptives: the mood swings experienced on the pill are side effects of synthetic drugs, not natural cycle fluctuations, because the pill suppresses natural ovulation altogether.

This distortion extends to human creation stories. From the Genesis narrative of Eve created from Adam’s rib to traditional biology textbooks depicting fertilization as a heroic, energetic sperm conquering a passive, waiting egg, scientific writing has long reflected patriarchal bias. Referencing anthropologist Emily Martin, Hill highlights how gender stereotypes were projected onto basic cellular biology. Modern science, however, reveals a far more dynamic reality. Through fetomaternal microchimerism, cells from a developing fetus pass through the placenta and remain in the mother’s body for decades, actively migrating to sites of injury—such as heart tissue or caesarean scars—to assist in cellular repair. On an ancestral level, women carry the "red thread" of mitochondrial DNA, an unbroken genetic lineage passed down directly through the maternal line across generations.

When addressing menopause and aging, Hill dismantles the narrative of biological decline. She critiques a 2013 McMaster University study—authored entirely by male researchers—which suggested menopause evolved because men prefer younger women. Instead, Hill points to anthropologist Kristen Hawkes and the "Grandmother Hypothesis," which demonstrates that menopause is a rare evolutionary adaptation shared with species like orcas, allowing older women to shift their energy toward supporting existing children and grandchildren to ensure generational survival. Furthermore, female biology possesses built-in longevity advantages: the "jogging female heart" effect occurs when estrogen shifts during the cycle increase cardiac output by up to 20%, offering cardiovascular benefits similar to exercise. Historical data on eunuchs in Korea’s Chosun Dynasty further reveals that removing testicles increased male lifespan from 50 to 70 years, proving that male physiology is hardly the universal blueprint for human health.

Hill closes by exposing how corporate wellness culture preys on female transitions. Silicon Valley algorithms and commercial brands monetize every biological milestone, turning hot flushes, puberty, and post-reproductive life into problems requiring commercial products. Against this constant commodification, Hill invites women to view life not as a linear decline toward decay, but through the "matriflux"—a cyclical rhythm that mirrors dawn, midday, dusk, and the turning seasons. Menopause represents a return to pre-puberty hormonal states, offering an opportunity to reconnect with childhood passions and redirect creative power. Reclaiming the truth about the female body requires reframing power itself—shifting away from patriarchal definitions based on dominance and control toward models rooted in cyclical adaptability, creation, and connection.

Now over to me:

There are religions in this world that literally order women to stay indoors and hide away while having their periods because they are deemed "unclean" and forbidden from entering a place of worship. Pause and think about the sheer absurdity of that. If the God you claim created humanity, created women, and designed female biology to function this exact way, but you turn around and preach that a woman is filthy and cursed because of her monthly flow—you are mad and stupid. Hear me loud and clear: you are mad and stupid. I hope you read that twice and let it sit in your spirit.

From the time we are little girls in school, education fails us on this exact front. We aren't taught to understand or honor our bodies; we are educated in shame. Girls are conditioned in school to hide sanitary pads up their sleeves like contraband, whispering in hallways as if bleeding is a crime, while sex education skims over female biology or treats it like a minor footnote to male anatomy. We educate girls to shrink, to apologize for their bodies, to be quiet, submissive, and accommodating, while boys are given a pass for destructive behavior under the lazy excuse that "boys will be boys."

And then that same system follows us into adulthood. I have had people look me in the eye and tell me to have children even after I explicitly said I wasn't ready. Complete outsiders—people who aren't sleeping in my bed, who aren't paying my bills, who aren't my partner—feel entirely entitled to dictate what happens to a woman's body. They carry this archaic belief that without a child, your life is unfulfilled, that you are somehow defective, selfish, or lacking basic responsibility.

I was in church recently—and let me be clear, this isn't an attack on church, this just happened to be the setting—and someone asked me about having kids. I calmly explained that my partner and I are not ready right now, and honestly, we are quite indifferent about it. Do you know what their response was? They completely ignored the fact that we said we weren't ready and shoved right past it: "Oh, it's better to just have them now! Just have them, they are gifts from God!"

People treat children like they are attendance registers to be checked off. You just pop out kids without planning, without emotional readiness, without financial stability, and then bam—society is flooded with neglected, traumatized kids running wild, falling into drugs, getting into trouble, and ending up in prison because their parents lacked the capacity, direction, or desire to raise them properly. Having a great home environment doesn't guarantee everything, but why on earth would you intentionally risk bringing a human life into the world without a proper plan? Children are not an automatic, mandatory box to check in a marriage structure. You must plan, prepare, and be fully ready. So when you push women to just "have them anyway," ask yourself: Are you going to fund them? Are you going to wake up at 3:00 AM to nurse them? Do you know my life? No? Then keep your unsolicited reproductive advice to yourself.

Look at how society handles fertility struggles. I met a woman who went through an agonizing journey trying to conceive, and what she shared stayed with me. During their entire struggle, every single church, family member, and doctor focused exclusively on her. She was automatically assumed to be the broken one. The burden, the shame, and the endless medical invasive procedures were heaped onto her shoulders, while no one ever stopped for a single second to say, "Hey man, why don't you go get checked out too?" The default assumption is always that the woman is at fault. Women are built to endure a lot, but hear me now: you cannot try that nonsense with me. I will shut it down instantly. I won't give a polite, timid, "Oh, I don't think that's your business." Absolutely not. Bring it on. Push me on my choices, and my reply will give you sleepless nights for a month. I promise you that.

And don't get me started on the double standards surrounding male behavior and street harassment. A woman wears a short skirt, and suddenly men are out here misbehaving in public spaces, acting like wild animals, and blaming her outfit. "Oh, look at what she wore!" Parents, train your male children! Stop raising boys whose education begins and ends with football and a generic lecture that "you need to grow up and provide one day." That is terrible, incomplete parenting, and it is precisely why so many men grow up with unaddressed mental issues, zero emotional intelligence, and zero self-control, looking for a woman to dump their baggage onto.

I saw a video on Instagram where a girl broke it down so accurately: when parents realize they have raised a completely useless, unruly son who refuses instructions, lacks discipline, and is headed straight for a jail cell, they hold a family meeting and decide, "He needs a wife. A good woman will settle him down."

That is the absolute height of parental selfishness! They literally seek out an innocent woman, manipulate her into believing she's "the special one" who can save him, and pass off the burden of a man they failed to raise. A woman is not a psychiatrist. A woman is not a rehabilitation center. A woman is not a correctional facility. If a man is unhinged, wild, or abusive, do not go looking for a woman to fix him. Fix your parenting!

We saw this exact insanity play out with a viral wedding recently. A man who built his entire online presence being openly misogynistic, degrading women, and telling men never to commit, gets married—and what did the internet say? "Aww, he got humbled by love!"

No, he did not get humbled by love! That poor woman just hitched herself to a terrible man, and mark my words, she will eventually realize the huge mistake she made. Quote me on this. Bitter, woman-hating men do not magically transform because they signed a marriage certificate. Their parents taught them that mistreating women was acceptable, and you think your "special love" is going to re-educate a grown man? Keep dreaming. You are delusional.

And then there's the modern "50/50" marriage trap. You want 50/50 financial split? Fine. But then you both come home from work at 5:00 PM, and suddenly the "equality" vanishes. She goes straight to the kitchen to cook, cleans the house, washes dishes, and changes diapers, while you sit your backside on the couch watching football or heading out for golf? You are the most selfish, manipulative person alive. But more importantly—if you are a woman allowing yourself to be treated like an underpaid housekeeper while paying half the bills, you are being foolish and used. Stand up, know your worth, and stop accepting it today.

Should we talk about beauty standards?

Because it never fails to amaze me who has the most to say. You will see a bald-headed man with a massive beer belly—a man who can barely perform in bed or last two minutes—sitting on his high horse, constantly critiquing women’s bodies, deciding who is "too fat" or who needs to look a certain way. And let’s be crystal clear: even if a man has the supposedly "perfect" body type according to society, he still has zero right to comment on a woman’s body in such a patronizing, degrading way.

And then there are those men with that twisted family dynamic: his daughter is a princess, his mother is a hero, and his wife is a witch.

Let’s unpack this "hero mother" myth once and for all. You hear these men praising their mothers: "Oh, my mum was so patient! Why can't my wife be like my mum?"

Do you mean be like a woman without a voice? A woman who had to put makeup on to cover her bruises? A woman who gave up her education, her dreams, and her entire life just to bear kids and stay quiet? Your mother wasn’t a "hero" because she endured your father’s stupidity, suffered domestic abuse, allowed his family to walk all over her, and swallowed her pain in silence. Her "endurance" wasn't a superpower—it was survival. She stayed because she had no money, no financial independence, no means to leave, and was given just enough allowance to buy groceries. She was a woman who was never allowed to live a fulfilled life.

If you actually sit her down today and ask her privately, she will tell you with tears in her eyes that she wishes she had treated herself better. So to any man telling women that "women of today no longer endure"—if you cherish the "spirit of endurance" so much, why don't you take it up yourself? Why don't you swallow abuse and stay quiet?

Then you get the ones who say, "Women of this generation are lazy! My mum was pregnant and still worked on the farm!"

Are you insane? Your mother was trapped in a "pick-me" mindset, forced to prove that suffering equals love. Suffering is not love. A pregnant woman has no business doing hard manual labor just to prove her worth to a man. Stop holding up oppressed, broken women as the gold standard for how wives should be treated. They are not role models for endurance; they are warnings of what happens when patriarchy drains a woman dry.

And let's talk about rape culture, because the excuses men make are utterly stomach-turning.

The moment women start speaking about sexual violence and the constant fear we live in, out come the "Not all men!" defenders. Nobody said every single man on earth, but instead of caring about the damage being done to women, your first instinct is to protect male ego and defend the brotherhood.

Even worse are the silent men. The ones who sit in the room while other men make disgusting jokes or talk about women like objects, and say absolutely nothing. That silence is a wicked, quiet agreement. They stay silent because deep down, they agree with it.

Then you have the creeps whose immediate focus is: "Well, what was she wearing?"

These are the exact same men who sit at home masturbating to women's photos online, objectifying every female body they see, until that entitlement escalates into physical assault. They focus on her short skirt instead of focusing on the absolute, unshakeable truth: you should NEVER rape a woman under ANY circumstances.

And don't bring up "Men get raped too" only when women are pleading for their safety. Nobody denies that men can be victims, but you don't actually care about male victims—you only bring them up as a weapon to shut women up and derail the conversation.

The reality is that women are fighting an uphill battle just to protect their bodies and their basic safe spaces. Look at how some men fight against marriage age limits, constantly trying to push them lower. Let's be brutally honest: if the legal marriage age were reduced to a day old, there are men who would sleep with an infant. Look at how men try to invade women’s sports the moment they fail in their own career paths, coming over to women’s divisions just to shine because they couldn't cut it against other men. Women can't even have their own athletic categories or safe spaces without men demanding access!

How to Spot Men with Dangerous, Predatory Mindsets

Women, you need to know how to spot these men early before you let them anywhere near your life:

• How he reacts to news of assault: The second a news story about rape comes up, listen to his first sentence. If he asks, "Why was she out late?", "Was she drinking?", or "What was she wearing?", run. That is a rape apologist.

• Boundary testing: He will cross small boundaries first to see if you will fight back. He will touch you when you don't ask and make a crude sexual joke, and when you look uncomfortable, he’ll say, "Calm down, I was just joking." He is testing your willingness to stay quiet.

• The "Not All Men" deflection: If he gets angry when you discuss male violence against women and turns himself into the victim, he cares more about male solidarity than female safety.

• Casual degradation: Pay attention to how he talks about his exes, his female coworkers, or women on social media. If every woman who disagreed with him is a "crazy bitch," "witch," or "whore," he fundamentally lacks respect for women.

• Entitlement to your time and body: He believes that because he bought you a drink, took you on a date, or is nice to you, you owe him affection, physical contact, or access to your life.

The Hypocrisy of "Who Will Choose You?"

I have seen situations where a woman wants a divorce, and people immediately jump in with their unsolicited, pathetic advice: "Oh, you shouldn't leave! No man will ever want a woman who has already been married!"

Who on earth told you that women are walking around searching for who will "choose" them, you crazy goat?

Then they start clutching their pearls: "Oh, but she has kids!" Listen to me, you stupid heads: a sperm and an egg make a child! It takes two people!

"Oh, she’s divorced!" So what? She divorced a man. What is the big deal?

"Oh, she's a single mother!" And what about him? Is he not a single father too?

Why do you hypocrites always run stark raving mad the moment a woman chooses her peace over a bad situation? Why is every single piece of shame and responsibility always dumped onto women? Are you people actually okay?

Stop Settling and Step Out of the Comfort Zone

Women, it is time to wake up and get out of your comfort zone. Stop settling for crumbs, stop accepting bare-minimum men, and stop staying in toxic situations just because "that's how it's always been." Your comfort zone—where you swallow disrespect, accept 50/50 financial burdens while doing 100% of the housework, and play the silent endure-it-all woman—will destroy you.

This is why every woman needs to read books like The Body Myth by Milli Hill.

It is a complete eye-opener. It is a vital gift for any woman you genuinely care about—for young girls growing up in a world that wants them to shrink, for mothers, for sisters, and yes, even for men who actually have the humility to unlearn their conditioning and know better. It strips away the male-default medical trash and hands women back the truth about their own power, biology, and worth.

And to anyone reading this and whining, "Why didn't she write about the male path? What about men?"—listen carefully: this post and Milli Hill's book are specifically about Reclaiming Female Biology from Male-Default Science.

Women have been forced into male-default frameworks for thousands of years. This book is about women. If men feel left out or feel the burning need to explore the male path, no one is stopping you—grab a pen, open a document, and go write your own book!