Something About This Just Doesn’t Feel Right

This has been sitting on my mind for a while, and as uncomfortable as it is for me to write about it, I feel like I need to get it out. I have been going over the same thoughts again and again, trying to understand why I feel the way I do. The truth is, I haven’t come to any conclusion. I’m not accusing anyone of anything, and I’m not trying to create a problem where there isn’t one. I genuinely want to look at this with an open mind, which is why I’m bringing it here. Sometimes you can ask a question directly, but sometimes even asking the question can make it seem as though you have already made up your mind or are taking offence. So instead, I want to tell you exactly what happened and let you tell me whether I’m seeing something that isn’t there or whether you understand why I feel a little uncomfortable about the whole situation.

It started with a property I was trying to fence back home. When you are not physically present for a project, you have no choice but to trust people. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt and hope that everything is being handled properly. Unfortunately, I started noticing changes in behaviour from the person handling the fencing. Whenever I tried to communicate or ask questions, I sometimes felt that they were becoming defensive, even when I wasn’t accusing them of anything. Eventually, I became frustrated and decided to pause the project. It was almost finished, but I needed to step back and figure out what to do next.

During that period, I thought about who might be able to help me find someone. One person immediately came to mind: a childhood friend whom I love very much.

We have known each other since we were children. We met in children’s church back home, around the time my family had just moved into the first house my dad built. We were both still in primary school, and somehow that friendship stayed with us as we grew older. Even though we have different ideas about certain things in life, we have always respected each other. We talk about relationships, family, life, beauty, work and all sorts of things.

We have supported each other over the years, even from a distance. When I go back home, we make sure we see each other. She sleeps over at my house, we have gone out together, and we have stayed in touch despite living far apart. Our conversations are so healthy and happy. We talk about beautiful things, family, memories, church, life and whatever else is happening. She is genuinely someone I consider a close friend and sister.

And there is something else I realised while thinking about this situation: I have never asked her to do anything for me. Not because I don't trust her or because there is anything wrong with our friendship. I simply never had a reason to ask. If there was no need for her to do something for me, why would I ask her? It just happened that way.

Then the fencing situation came up.

I knew I needed someone back home who could supervise the work because I wasn’t there. It wasn’t a case of asking her to do the actual fencing. I needed someone who could go to the property, supervise what was happening, make sure things were progressing properly and generally keep an eye on things. Their transport would be paid, and they would also receive a salary for the period, which would probably be a month. If the job was completed before the month was up, they would still receive the full one-month's pay.

I asked my friend if she could help me find someone suitable. She said she would.

At first, I thought nothing of it. I waited. A week passed, then another. We continued talking, but there was no conversation about the person I needed. Eventually, I brought it up myself and asked if she had managed to find anyone. She told me she hadn't.

I said that was fine and told her to take her time, because she also works and life can get so stressful.

Later, she told me she had spoken to someone, but the person hadn't given her a definite answer. Again, I said that was fine. Then she mentioned another person who might be able to do it, although she wasn't sure whether that person would be willing to take on the supervising role.

She told me different people said they were interested but she would message me last minute and say they backed off. I told her to take her time and if she needed anything, she should let me know. I always expressed how grateful I was for the help.

Eventually, she told me she had spoken to four more persons. It was already getting to 3 months. I remember thinking, “Okay, which one do you think is most suitable?”

She told me about one person who seemed willing to take the job and said they had agreed to everything. I told her to send the person all the necessary information. The next step was simply to take this person to the property so they could see the location before starting.

Then the day came.

All information regarding the property meeting for the supervising job was being passed through my friend, who had confirmed she discussed the meeting location with the candidate she found. On the day of the meeting, the person I sent to show the candidate the property arrived at the location and tried calling the number my friend had provided, but it wouldn't go through. They then called my friend, who informed them that the candidate had sent a message stating they would no longer be able to take the job.

I was surprised and told my representative to wait while I called my friend. We had spoken just yesterday evening, and she had arranged everything—if the candidate wasn't coming, she should have messaged me. I checked my phone and found no messages, so I called my friend and asked if that was the information she had given. She confirmed she had, stating that the candidate had messaged her in the morning to say they could no longer make it.

I was even more frustrated because the appointment was for the afternoon; even though the candidate told her this in the morning, she never bothered to call and inform me.

I remember thinking, “Oh, okay.” But then I wondered why she hadn't told me earlier. I didn't make a big issue out of it. I asked if there was another option. She said she would keep looking.

The same sort of thing happened again. Eventually, I became frustrated and thought, “Maybe I should just sell the property.” She immediately told me not to sell it. She said she would find someone and promised that she would help me.

So I waited again. And again, things didn't work out. Someone cancelled. Someone else wasn't available. Another person couldn't commit. Each time, I only knew what I was being told, and according to the information she gave me, the people she had contacted simply weren't working out.

I eventually decided to stop pursuing it through that particular route. I thought I would find someone myself or through a supervising company. That was about three months ago.

And this is where my question really begins. Since then, my friend and I have continued talking normally. Nothing happened between us. We didn't argue. We didn't fall out. There was no disagreement, no misunderstanding and no obvious change in our friendship.

 Three months have passed; it's been more than four months, and she has never once asked me:

• “Did you find someone?”

• “Did you sell the property?”

• “Did you eventually continue with the fencing?”

• “Did you manage to sort it out?” Nothing.

And I don't know why that keeps coming to mind.

This is where I need you to understand what is going through my thoughts. I am not saying my friend was obligated to find someone for me. She wasn't. It was my project, not hers. She was doing me a favour, and I appreciate that. People get busy. People forget things. People try to help and sometimes genuinely can't. People recommend someone who later changes their mind. All of that is completely possible.

So why do I still feel uncomfortable?

Every time I see her message pop up on my phone, there is this little thought in the back of my mind: 

Did she really try to find someone? 

Then another thought comes: Maybe she did. 

Then: But how did every single person cancel? 

Then: Maybe she simply didn't want to get involved.

Then I stop myself because I don't want to be unfair to her. Maybe she genuinely tried. Maybe every person really did cancel. Maybe she became busy with her own life and the whole thing simply slipped from her mind. Maybe I am reading too much into the fact that she hasn't asked about it. Or maybe there is something about the situation that I am picking up on but cannot quite put into words.

That is the part I can't explain. There was no fight. There was no betrayal that I know of. She hasn't treated me badly. Nothing obvious happened between us. If anything, she is still the same lovely person I have always known. I still check on her 3-4 times every week and she does the same.

So why does something about this particular situation feel... off?

And I don't even know what question I would ask her. If I asked, “How come everyone you found cancelled?” she has already given me the answer. If I asked, “Why haven't you asked me about the property since then?” that would be selfishness and entitlement on my end, which is wrong. She does not owe me that.

Honestly, there is no question to ask.

So perhaps that is why I'm writing this blog post. I want to know whether the feeling I have, which I cannot explain, is stupid?

Have you ever had a situation where nothing actually happened, nobody said anything wrong, there was no argument and yet something inside you just didn't sit comfortably with what happened? Did you trust that feeling, or did you eventually realise you were simply overthinking? Because I genuinely don't know which one this is.

I am not looking for people to tell me that my friend is a bad person. I don't believe she is. I'm also not looking for people to tell me to cut her off over something I cannot even properly explain.

I just want another perspective. Maybe someone reading this will notice something I haven't noticed. Maybe someone will tell me, “Melody, honestly, I think you're reading too much into this.” Or perhaps someone will say, “I understand exactly why that would make you uncomfortable.”

So tell me honestly: if you were in my position, would you think anything of this situation?

I really want to hear your thoughts, especially if you've experienced something similar. Sometimes we can be so close to a situation that we can't see it clearly anymore.

What do you think? I need your opinions, please take your time to tell me what you really think.

Thank you.

These photos were taken during an evening stroll. 

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