The Condescending Boss: A Survival Strategy

Let’s be real about the condescending boss: they talk down to you because they have an inflated view of their own brilliance and a devalued opinion of pretty much everyone else. They treat conversations like a performance, permitting you to briefly join the stage before they zap your ideas with a verbal put-down or casually dismiss your suggestions.

They’re the person who sees the solution before you even finish stating the problem. And nothing is more insulting than their backhanded compliment when they assign work: “This is an easy one. Molly can handle it.”

What's Really Going On

You're Thinking (The Reality Check): Yes, they're smart about the business, but they have zero tact. Everyone tolerates the abrasive style because, annoyingly, they get results. I'm just lucky their arrogance is democratic—it's aimed at all of us. Still, when I make a point, and they preface their follow-up with, “What Molly was trying to say is…” it drives me insane. I can express myself perfectly well. Why do I let them make me feel small?

They're Thinking (The Delusion): They genuinely believe their staff is "panting" trying to keep up. They see their team's contributions as "misguided solutions" that mess things up. They think they’re performing sheer genius in the boardroom and that staff needs to be instructed: "Bring me only the problem, not your distorted thinking."

Your Strategy: Change the Game, Not the Boss

You can safely assume this boss has been validated their whole life and was never taught a single ounce of humility. Trying to change them or soften their rudeness is a waste of your valuable time. What you can change is your reaction and how you inoculate yourself against their attacks.

Anchor Your Self-Worth: A boss can only make you feel bad if you allow their tactless comments to pierce your internal sense of self. Choose to focus on how talented and valuable you are. If you get busy plotting your next success, their rude remarks will eventually fade into background noise.

Quantify Your Contributions: They need to see that you play a measurable, concrete part in their accomplishments. They might not appreciate adjectives, but they understand numbers. Prepare your remarks—and your progress reports—in advance. Use data to deftly and delicately remind them how capable you are.

Stay Ahead of the Blame Game: An arrogant boss is the first one to dodge accountability and share the blame when things go sideways. Keep your ear to the office grapevine. If a problem is brewing, address it early. Don’t wait for it to mushroom into a full-blown crisis. Ask for their help (since they think they're the ultimate solution), but hold back your suggestions until they ask specifically.

Pro Tip: The more respect you can command through impeccable preparation and execution, the more their condescending remarks will diminish. They might be clever and conceited, but you can be clever and considerate. Double- and triple-check your facts, acknowledge their authority as the boss, but when you get the green light, move quickly and confidently, and keep them informed every step of the way.

Photo by Jane T D.