I cried today, and even now the feeling hasn’t quite left me. It wasn’t something I expected, but in a way it felt necessary—like a reminder that it’s alright to be human and to feel things fully.
I spoke with a friend I’ve had for over 15 years. Over time, our communication has slowly faded, and although I understood the reasons—life, responsibilities, changing routines—I finally found the courage to speak about it again. This was the second time I brought it up, but this time felt different. Heavier.
I tried to approach it gently. I told her I understood that life gets busy, that people meet others, priorities shift, and that’s all part of growing. But I also shared something simple—that even a small reply when she can would mean a lot, just to know she’s okay.
What stayed with me most was her birthday. My partner and I were genuinely excited to call her, to celebrate her, but the call went unanswered. I waited, hoping she would call back. When she didn’t, I sent a message. Still no reply. Days passed, and I tried calling again. Nothing. I started to worry.
When we finally spoke this month, she explained she had been travelling at the time, which is why she couldn’t answer. I understood that. But I also told her that I had sent messages that were delivered, and I had hoped for even a short reply—something to let me know she was alright. Especially since this pattern has been happening for over a year now.
She acknowledged that her communication hasn’t been the best, and I believe she meant it. But as I was speaking, something shifted inside me. A wave of emotion I hadn’t anticipated. It felt deeper than the words I was saying.
I had to pause. I asked her if I could take a minute and call her back. She agreed. The moment I hung up, I broke down. I cried for a couple of minutes, not fully understanding where it all came from, only that it had been there for a while.
I gathered myself and called her back, and we continued the conversation as though nothing had happened. She didn’t notice, and part of me was glad—because I wasn’t even sure how to explain it myself.
What I do know is that I care about her, and I believe we’ll be alright. But that moment showed me that beneath my understanding and patience, there was also a quiet sadness I hadn’t fully faced until now.
I would wonder if your feeling was that you valued your friendship with her far more than she did, and that her lack of response was that of letting go. Because she didn't care enough anymore to stay in contact. It is a sad thing to lose a friend. You lost her a long time ago not during that sequence of events where she didn't respond to your inquiries. OR...is she developing signs of aging and not remembering what you were once for each other.?i
ReplyDeleteI believe she values our friendship. We are all experiencing life-changing moments, and as girls who are still growing and taking steps to improve our future, I can say she does value it and expresses it. I still believe in our friendship.
DeleteI'm sending you hugs. What a difficult situation.... And you know what? I have a similar problem now, with three of my friends. With one it is over, I decided that we drifted apart so much, that it's time for this relation to end. With the other two I'm working on it. I already know that with one of them I simply have to initiate more and it will be ok. And with the last one.... I think I will use your example and talk about it with her. So thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteOh dear, I hope that your friendship with them blossoms in the right direction. It's okay to make decisions, but we should also think, process, reflect, and communicate effectively.
DeleteLet's say that I try to always give something related to passions; as a book lover, I love bookmarks and there are many special ones on the market, in different price ranges. Bookends are also a nice way to decorate the room!
ReplyDeleteIt feels us with warmth coming to your blog all the time 🙂
ReplyDeleteThis is such a delight to read. Thank you so much.
DeleteHi Melody,
ReplyDeleteMelody, in my opinion, friends should remember each other and at least let each other know about each other from time to time. Unfortunately, I observe that even within families, people forget about each other :( This is truly sad, because these days, it's very easy for most people to write to someone. We have the internet.
Melody, I send you greetings and I wish you a good week!
I totally understand you. I have had this kind of situation before and I was indifferent about it. No decision was made. I hope you get it all sorted out in the right direction for everyone involved. Friendships can be a bit off sometimes, but what matters is that we continue to be positive, respect each other's will, and make sure to also pray for your friends; they need it.
DeleteMelody, tu és uma pessoa cheia de sensibilidade e bom coração! Por isso te sentiste assim. è muito estranho quando de repente as coisas mudam entre amigos... Pena! Mas tu fizeste tua paerte! Tomara consigam se encontrar e ver como se sentem. beijos, chica
ReplyDeleteI've learned that some people don't value what they have until it's gone. I have good friends, and I can count myself as one, so I respect her enough to ask instead of drawing conclusions. The right thing is to let it play out naturally. I am glad I got to share my thoughts. Thank you for your comment.
DeleteIt is painful to realise that relationships change, and not always for the better. Sometimes, difficult though it is, it is better to let things gently go where they will.
ReplyDeleteYou are right. Sometimes we just have to let things go, allow times to change and either take that hard decision or let things play out. This is a part of life that is hard, but a lot of people just silently breathe out and in without talking about it.
DeleteThank you for sharing such an honest and personal moment, so full of feeling and emotion. I think many of us have had a friendship where it feels like we are the ones doing all the work to keep it alive -- but to not have some acknowledgment, that's hard. Even with very good reasons, like travel. Still, we come home, we answer our messages. I appreciate your sharing this. Sometimes we can't fully explain the sadness deep within. We just have to go with it and hope over time it will ease.
ReplyDeleteIt was a really personal moment for me, and I shared it here without speaking to anyone about it. This blog feels safe for me, even though I get thousands of views every day. I feel safe on this blog, and it has become a great support system. As you said, sometimes we cannot fully explain the sadness deep within. We just have to go with it and hope over time it will ease. For some reason, Spring was a good time to speak up and blossom. Thank you for your comment.
DeleteI appreciate you sharing your thoughts about the importance of friendship.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that, Melody.
Greetings,
G.
Thank you, Giorgio; this is straight from my heart.
Deletethanks!
ReplyDeleteFor what ever reason her side of the friendship has changed, remember that you reached out, that you gave your all. People do move on and forget about us. This happened to my daughter 5 years ago with a friend that was like her Sister. The friend got a new boyfriend and that was that. During that time my daughter tried to keep the communication open but no deal. Just last week this old friend called my daughter. Telling her she had broke up with the guy and now wants to be friends again. My daughter is cordial but that closeness will never be the same. I mention this because at some point your friend may come back. But as you wrote, the emotion of the friendship has changed. I'm sorry this has hurt your heart.
ReplyDeleteYou said something I'm afraid of but still open to because it's part of life. People do move on and forget about us; that is true; it happens every day; we cannot stop it because sometimes we have to do the same. I noticed that some people who just got into relationships forget their old friends, like what happened to your daughter. I don't know why, but I've learned to sit back and watch. It's a complex mix of emotions that ensnares them, but unfortunately, people often overlook their friends, forgetting that they've been there for a long time in some instances. Your daughter is truly mature at heart, and I say this because not everyone keeps an open mind. I hope my friendship with my friend doesn't change for the worse and never come back. Thank you so much for such a comforting and open comment, now, this is why I love to share on this blog.
Delete...society often does consider mental heath a priority.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it hurts when relationships change. Hope things change for the better!!
ReplyDeleteThis is reality, and I choose to be positive and trust the process.
DeleteEs duro cuando pasa eso. A mi me paso igual aunque mi amiga me busco cuando necesitaba algo y eso me dolió más que deje de hablarme ya que pense que solo soy buena cuando necesitaba de mi. A vece sno toca más que dejar ir a esa persona. Te mando un beso
ReplyDeleteI believe we can speak to our friends and let them know how we feel, but one thing is sure: not all mistakes cancel people. Sometimes, you need to understand their point of view, listen to them, and know why things happened that way. However, this isn't always necessary because in some situations, it is clear that we already know. I can tell the incident really hurt you and I hope you heal from it because friendship can hurt sometimes. This is me wishing you a beautiful spring.
Delete朋友要經常聯絡吓,否則友情變淡.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Phillip. This can be applied to any aspect of life; anything you don't water will either die or be stagnant.
DeleteI have a child who doesn't communicate much, and it does hurt, but at least there is something, and they are coming for a short visit in a few weeks. Your friend seems even more distant.
ReplyDeleteThat can hurt so bad. I am glad they are coming for a few weeks. Focus on the present and enjoy the moment, which can be the key to bridging the gap. I think distance sometimes unravels some things, and I ask this question again: is being out of sight truly out of mind for the people we truly care about?
DeleteSadly your friendship seems to have changed on part and you may never know why that is
ReplyDeleteThis is another reality in life that I might need to accept, but time will tell.
DeleteIf we don't communicate with someone for a long time, we begin to lose our friends. The value of friendship diminishes with each passing day. After a while, our former friends become uninterested in us. Life goes on, and people change in different directions.
ReplyDeleteBut the question here is, what if we try to communicate and it looks a bit off? Do we give up or try to understand? For me, I think it's worth speaking out and telling them how you truly feel.
DeleteFriendships can change in ways we don’t expect, and sometimes the silence feels heavier than words.
ReplyDeleteI think it’s brave that you shared how it made you feel.
Thank you, Veronica. I strongly agree with you. Most people would lock up their emotions and let them build up to grudges and unspoken pain. For me, even if my friend decides to be distant and silent, I feel better that I spoke out because I respect my friends, as I always say. Even though life changes, what I did yesterday was a step in the right direction.
DeleteI haven't contacted my best friend in a long while..I am going to call her later. Thank you, Melody.
ReplyDeleteI am happy this post made you feel you need to talk to your best friends. It's not always about me on this blog; it's about the community and the realization we can bring. I hope your conversations are blissful and beautiful.
DeleteOh, Melody, I'm so sorry your friend is acting like this, certainly not good for you. I think your friend doesn't realize how she has hurt your feelings, and probably never will. You have reached out to her, let's see if she reaches out to you in the future..
ReplyDeleteLife gives some of us many chances to meet good people, and I can say that I am one of them, but how it turns out depends on both parties. Thank you for your comment.
DeleteA very moving post about a difficult situation. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteYes, it was for me, and I am sharing it because It truly brought tears I didn't expect. Thank you.
DeleteA volte anche il silenzio nelle amicizie più care pesa quanto mille parole non dette.
ReplyDeleteUn caro saluto
This silence causes people to hold grudges about things some could have simply expressed. Thank you.
DeleteSo, enjoy spring in perfect harmony.
ReplyDeleteBeijinhos ´,~`)
I sure will. I will make sure to enjoy every moment.
DeleteBom dia, Melody
ReplyDeleteReciprocidade é algo muito importante na amizade. Você fez a sua parte e isso demonstrou o quanto você se importa com ela e acredito que trouxe alívio ao teu coração. Que Deus abençoe sempre vocês. Um forte abraço.
Good morning, Lucinalva. It sure did bring relief to my heart. Amen.
DeleteThis is a very difficult situation. It's sad to lose a friend.
ReplyDeleteBest regards :)
It can be a bit more difficult for some people but aren't we learning everyday that life will still happen? Yes, we are, so I focus on the positive side and still see light shining all around us.
DeleteFriendships aren't easy. We do go through phases, sometimes. I've always felt I've never had that perfect friend I always read about. And what can be strange when you figure out later that you are that best friend, and didn't know it. I guess, being a good listener must help. Still, I have one friend who only calls when she's high. Another reaches out when there is no one else.
ReplyDeleteIt's a gradual thing to know that we can only do so much. And to be receptive when they do call or want to meet up. The fact is we might never know them completely. Thanks for the lovely post.
I do not think there is anything like a perfect friend but yes, we can come close to that. I hope your freudns that call only when she is high realises how that is. One thing I know in this world is that having a good friend is one of the best things you can do for yourself and surround yourself with.
DeleteSpero che i rapporti con la tua amica, alla quale tieni tanto, divengano in futuro più sereni e spero che lei capisca che tu le vuoi bene e ricambi. Saluti.
ReplyDeleteI believe she does know I love her. Thank you so much for your kid words and I am positive and plan to remain positive.
DeleteCompreendo muitissimo bem a sua vivência.
ReplyDeleteUma amiga de mais de quarenta anos começou a afastar-se e foi muito doloroso. E a certa altura fui eu que decidi cortar de vez. Nunca chorei, porque, infelizmente, nem esse consolo me é dado.
Forte abraço e boa semana.
I completely understand, and I say this because we must allow people to leave when they feel it is time to walk away. You are the only person who might get to stay with you all your life.
DeleteEn ocasiones volver a retomar una amistad que por los motivos que fueran se fue enfriando poco a poco es difícil y eso parece que te ocurrió con tu amiga. Espero no se vuelva a romper.
ReplyDeleteSaludos.
You are right. I may wonder why, but I've decided to be positive, communicate and keep alive. Thank you for your comment.
DeletePeople do change...sometimes, we cannot keep up with them... But if friendship really matters, people do stay and find small ways to say they are there...
ReplyDeleteI do understand why you have felt like that... but keep living...
Best regards
Marta
I will always keep going. I have learned a lot and I know that I need to keep living. I also wish my friend the same. I hope everything becomes even more positive.
DeleteI hope the lines of communication with your friend improve. You are sweet to care so much.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I am positive.
DeleteI totally understand your sadness, Melody. I am sure most of us have been through similar situation. As I am getting older, I came to realise that the only way the friendship could work is if both parties make an effort to keep it going. If I am the only one who is caring about, it's time to let it go. The important part is that you should do whatever makes you happy and it its does not, no point waist your time and energy on it :)
ReplyDeleteWhile I want to be positive, I know that everyone in this comment section means well, and I totally understand your point. It takes two to tangle, and I hope communication between my friend and me improves. I am learning to understand life not just from my own point of view but also from others' perspectives, as it is not always what we think. My friend is a lovely person and I wish her happiness in all, no matter how this turns out.
DeleteI think it is very difficult to deal with it when we know friendships have changed. Not because of anything we did , but often just circumstances. It sounds like you had a of grief that you didn't even realize. So glad you got to talk and have a good cry. Never easy no matter how old we get. Friends are precious and we do feel sad when the friendship changes.
ReplyDeleteIt is so true that the grief of a changing friendship can catch us completely off guard. Even when nobody is at fault, those shifts in circumstances really do leave a heavy ache in the heart. I am glad I could find some release through that conversation and a much-needed cry.
DeleteCould it be that she is going through some difficulty that she doesn't want you to know about? Of course, that would also imply a growing distance.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, life is happening a whole lot around her and I guess that is also a factor.
DeleteI would let her go if she comes back it was meant to be -Christine cmlk79.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThat is a very wise way to look at it because you cannot force a connection that isn't being nourished from both sides. Sometimes stepping back and letting go is the only way to see if the bond is truly meant to last. It is a tough lesson to learn, but it brings a lot of peace.
DeleteSometimes we feel overwhelmed by sadness when we feel that we're caring for certain relationships one-sidedly. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteThat can happen sometimes, but we keep living and making sure to spread love each day.
DeleteA profound and heartfelt reflection that leads us to think about friendships that become distant over time. In my opinion, whatever the reasons for the distance, responding to a message, even if only with a few words, is a matter of politeness. Of course, life sometimes pulls people apart, but if both parties want it, the line of communication and friendship will remain, but both have to want it.
ReplyDeleteIt is so true that maintaining a friendship requires a sincere effort from both sides to keep that spark alive. I completely agree that a quick reply is a simple matter of courtesy, no matter how busy life gets. When the desire to stay connected is mutual, people always find a way to make it work.
DeleteI understand the sadness very well because I was in similar situations. I'm sure I was also the other person- the one that didn't reply or replied too late or was too distant in other ways.
ReplyDeleteSometimes people just get overwhelmed. It is good that you didn't give up on this friendship.
It is very brave to admit that you also have been the person who failed to reach out when things got overwhelming. Life has a way of getting so busy that we lose track of time, but staying committed to a long-term friendship is always worth the effort. I am glad you could see both sides of such a difficult and emotional situation. I am positive, as I said, and I am hoping for the best.
Delete
ReplyDeleteIt's so honest and tender... especially that moment when emotions just come out, even though you're trying to "understand" everything and sort it out. I think many people will recognize this—that quiet sadness that's brewing somewhere beneath the surface. It's good that you named it, because these things really need to be acknowledged.
Warmest regards! Have a wonderful start of spring 💛🌸
Angelika
It is so important to acknowledge that quiet sadness because keeping it buried only makes the weight feel heavier over time. I am glad those emotions finally found a way out since being honest with ourselves is the first step toward healing. Thank you for the warm spring wishes and for being so understanding.
DeleteЯ прочитала и сильно прониклась ситуацией. У меня тоже были потери отношений с подругами, поэтому я понимаю твою боль. К сожалению, расстояния иногда меняют близость. Время делает нас другими, и если нет тесного контакта, то эти изменения проходят незаметно для друга, и ты вдруг обнаруживаешь совсем другого человека. Такое бывает и родственниками, и даже между супругами.
ReplyDeleteMELODY, обнимаю, грущу вместе с тобой о своих потерянных подругах.
It is so true that time can quietly change us into entirely different people without us even realizing it is happening. When that daily connection fades away, the intimacy we once shared often disappears right along with it. It is a heavy realization to face, but you described that painful shift so perfectly. Perhaps someday I will view things differently, but at present, you do not feel as though you have lost your friend and remain hopeful that circumstances can still improve.
DeleteBonsoir Melody,I completely understand you because I experiment the same situation, I had a very close girl friend, she was like a sister to me and one day she just disappear of my life, no news, nothing, just silence, it is heartbreaking, I never knew why..that is life! Take care, Sylvie
ReplyDeleteIt is so incredibly painful when a close friendship just turns into silence without any explanation or closure. I am so sorry you had to go through that heartbreak because losing a sister-like bond leaves such a huge void. We just have to keep moving forward and cherish the people who do choose to stay.
Deletecreo que tú ya hiciste tu parte para que la amistad con tu amiga siga viva; ahora depende de ella que reconecte contigo para saber a qué atenerte. si ella no te llama, ya sabes la respuesta.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that a friendship must be a two-way street to survive the test of time. I have put my heart into reaching out, so now I must wait and see if she values the bond enough to meet me halfway. If the phone stays silent, then I suppose that is a clear message in itself, but I will keep putting in the effort.
Delete