Today, July 30th, is International Friendship Day, and it's got me thinking. I wanted to share a story about a particular friendship that started during my first year in University. I arrived somewhat reserved but totally open to making new friends. I naturally gravitated towards individuals from my own ethnic background, which led to my initial friendship with someone who appeared calm and genuinely relatable. She even had a familiar-sounding name, which just drew me closer. We attended classes together with other new students, and I genuinely considered her a friend, believing that she felt the same about me.
She even introduced me to one of my closest and longest-standing friends today. She made that important introduction. But here's where the story takes a turn: that person she introduced me to eventually became my housemate. I was living alone initially, but the landlord increased the rent, and I was searching for a new place. She mentioned that this other friend of hers was also looking for a place, and that's how I ended up living with my now closest friend.
Because we were all friends, the person who introduced us would often come over, sleep at our place, and stay with us, all the usual girl-girl things. We'd eat together and cook together, and we were truly happy with her being around. We never felt any competition with her, and I don't think she felt any with us either. At that time, I really believed it was a healthy, happy relationship.
After we finished medical school, my now closest friend gently pointed something out to me; this was about 6 years later. She said, "Do you know our friendship with this person is a bit one-sided?" I was so surprised! Then, she started listing things I had never once considered problematic. For me, it was just "how life was" or "how she was."
For instance, my closest friend and I would handle the groceries, pay for the light bills, and cover the rent. This person didn't contribute financially, and we were completely fine with that because we understood her limited cash flow from home. But my friend pointed out that whenever this person did have money, she'd go celebrate with other people, sometimes even girls who didn't truly consider her a friend. At one point, one of the girls discovered she was having something with her boyfriend, and all of her friends turned against her; they literally ganged up against her and almost devoured her. She ran back to us and we advised her again that such a lifestyle is not the best way to live. She had single guys asking her out, but somehow she preferred those with girlfriends; I can never understand why.
My friend and I always stuck by her, but it seemed she wanted to fit into a different world. Maybe she felt that we were too reserved, not "cool" enough, too focused on our studies at that time, or not ready to let go of our upbringing. We minded our business and stayed out of University drama. We weren't the flashy," "bling-bling" type of girls, which we saw she wanted to be close to or be like. We were her friends who loved her for who she was, yet she always chose to celebrate her good times with others.
There were so many other examples that I never saw as wrong. She would take cash from us for things like University workbook, needing cash in general for little things and sometimes never paid it back. I didn't really see it as an issue. I just assumed she didn't have enough at that point or had other debts or things to do. My closest friend, however, wasn't okay with how she handled things toward us being her friends and only mentioned the situation to me after we finished university. This person would buy gifts for girls she wanted to befriend but did not get us things and I never really had an issue with it despite her taking from us and I was totally ok with it and never saw it as a problem.
One summer, she was involved with another girl's boyfriend while that girlfriend was away on a summer holiday in her home country. She even got him a fancy mug and showed it to me; she could not wait to gift him the mug, and she was hopeful it might turn into a relationship, from what I perceived. I might be wrong. I told her the mug was lovely, and I really loved that it was so artistic and cute. She has excellent eyes for things, but I also warned her that a summer fling like that, hurting someone else, would only lead to heartbreak for her and issues between her and the guy's girlfriend when she returned. She didn't listen, and when the girlfriend came back, the guy stopped talking to her, and she came crying to us. She made many questionable decisions, and we were always there for her, warning her when she was wrong.
There was even a time we had a private conversation among us girls about something, and she went and told the guy she was seeing (the one whose girlfriend and her friends ganged up and confronted her). I found out about this because she used my laptop to log into Facebook. She sometimes used my laptop, and we generally didn't care about whether Facebook was logged in on it while someone else was using it. We were free, just being friends but she shared our conversation with him. She left her Facebook open, and my closest friend happened to be using my laptop when she saw a message pop up and realized this person had shared our private conversation with him. Even then, I didn't confront her. I just forgot about it and moved on. I felt she was my friend; she made a mistake and that was okay.
But knowing what I know today, I can't say she gave a damn about us. And that's fine. When my friend told me how she felt about our friendship with this person, we just ended up laughing about it; we made jokes out of it, and that's where we left it.
You might be wondering why I'm sharing all this today. It's because it's International Friendship Day. This story is a powerful reminder to cherish the truly good friends in your life. My closest friend taught me so much about boundaries and genuine connection and friendship. I used to be quite naive, always giving, always forgiving (which is good), and never questioning if I was being taken advantage of. My friend always wondered why I never had an issue with the way that friendship dynamic was, why I didn't see us being used, especially when this person would spend money on makeup for herself or gifts for others but did not really contribute to our shared living expenses. She asked me, "Why didn't you see it? Why does she only come to us when things go wrong and then celebrate her wins with others?" I truly told her I felt it was okay because I know she didn't have much. My friend then replied to me and said, What about when she did have, and she'd go celebrate with others?" or why was she not proud of us being her friend? I answered my friend by saying, "Maybe we are not as cool as people she wanted to hang out with," and we both burst into laughter. We laughed at ourselves and gave that girl 2 and ourselves 0, like in a football match, hahahaha.
This person does not send a happy birthday to my friend, but she does for others I never even expected her to be close to. Then, out of the blue, years later, we were all graduated, and when she needed money, she sent me a message and I was able to help. My friend was not impressed; she said, "She never calls/writes you, she never calls me, she's only with others, and when she has a need, then she calls us. This isn't right."
Honestly, as I write this post, I just got thinking again: was I stupid, naive or too comfortable to notice if we were simply being used? I really don't know; even now, I still do not have an answer. I'm not looking for pity, not at all; I just want your input on the friendship dynamic. I truly just want to know your opinion. There are a whole lot of selfish decisions she made. Looking back now, I should have known that a person who has an affair with someone in a relationship is selfish. I honestly felt she needed help even though we never supported her actions and frowned against them; she lived in her own world, I guess.
So, tell me in the comments:
Based on my story, do you think I was stupid or naive, or what is best used to describe this situation?
Have you ever had a bad or one-sided friendship? What did you learn?
Please send a message to a friend who has been there for you and wish them a wonderful International Friendship Day. I have amazing friends I can count on, and one of my closest friends just celebrated her birthday yesterday, July 29th, in Albania, having the best time. I couldn't be there, but I'm celebrating her from afar with video calls. Kindly wish her a Happy Birthday.
Thank you so much for visiting my blog today. I want you to know that we are building a great online presence here, and I appreciate you being part of the process. Happy International Friendship Day.
Witaj Melody. To smutna historia z tą dziewczyną. Przykre, że tak Was wykorzystywała. Bardzo nie w porządku że starała się tylko dla osób, którym chciała się przypodobać a Wam nie umiała się odwdzięczyć. Okropnie przykre. Wy dawałyscie jej prezenty, a ona Wam nic. Znałam wiele takich dziewczyn. W szkole średniej też miałam takie koleżanki, które tylko mnie wykorzystywały i też fatalnie się z tym czułam. Nie mogę powiedzieć, że byłaś głupia i naiwna, po prostu miałaś prawo wierzyć, że ta koleżanka się zmieni. Każdy wierzy do pewnego czasu i chce dobrze dla innych. Ja też zawsze chciałam być dobra innych i dzielić się. Dobrze że nam opowiedziałas tę historię. Każdy ma jakąś trudną historię do opowiedzenia. Nie zmienimy wszystkich ludzi, których znamy nawet gdybyśmy chcieli, to wręcz niemożliwe, ale wierzę w karmę, że dobro do nas wraca. Wszystkiego dobrego z okazji Dnia Przyjaciela Melody.
ReplyDeleteIt means a great deal to be heard and understood in this way. You’ve touched on something many quietly carry: the pain of giving sincerely and being met with indifference or even exploitation. It’s not weakness to believe in people; it’s strength to hope and to keep offering kindness, even after disappointment. Your words show compassion born from experience, and that makes them powerful. Yes, we can’t change others, but we can choose not to let their behavior harden us.
DeleteHappy Friend’s Day to you as well.
Melody, thank you so much for sharing this heartfelt and honest story. It takes a lot of courage to look back on a friendship like this and speak about it with such clarity and tenderness. You weren’t stupid or naive you were kind, open, and willing to believe in the best of someone. That’s not a flaw; it’s actually a strength. Sometimes, it takes time (and the right people beside us) to help us see the difference between genuine friendship and emotional convenience.
ReplyDeleteI believe many of us have had one-sided friendships at some point, and they always teach us something about boundaries, self-worth, and what we truly deserve in a connection. I’m so glad you have your closest friend by your side the kind who helps you grow and laugh, even through the hard truths.
Sending love on this International Friendship Day and happy birthday to your amazing friend in Albania!
😘
Fernanda
Omg, like, thank you SO much for saying that. You totally get it. It means a lot to know someone understands. And yeah, it's cool that I have my besties now who's, like, super awesome. Happy Friendship Day to you too.
DeleteTodos hemos tenido es amistad que solo te busca cuando necesita algo. Y lo mejor es alejarse de ella. Te mando un beso.
ReplyDeleteUgh, totally. Like, you know those people who only, like, show up when they need a favor? So annoying. And yeah, for sure, the best thing to do is just, like, bye Felicia.
DeleteOlá, amiga Melody, gostei muito deste seu magnífico relato
ReplyDeletesobre as amizades do tempo de faculdade de Medicina. Você e suas amigas.
Interessante porque tenho a impressão de que as amizades entre estudantes
nessa faixa etária, mais ou menos parecidas.
Sempre aprendemos muito nessa fase, como vejo ter acontecido com você.
Lembranças do que foi vivido e um aprendizado para a vida.
Uma boa semana,
Abraços.
So glad you liked my story about med school friendships. It's, like, totally true what you said friendships back then really do feel kinda similar for everyone, huh? And for sure, you learn so much about life, not just, like, boring anatomy. It's all about those memories and lessons.
DeleteYou have a good week too.
What an interesting story! Such beautiful memories! Yes, the student years are probably one of the most important stages in each of our lives... And in my case, the friendships I made back then are still strong today, even after more than three decades... Going back to your story, I also feel that person didn’t show genuine friendship, but rather one based on self-interest. They’ve taken advantage of your kindness—back then and still now. But because I’ve experienced the same, I say, 'That’s her burden to carry!' You have a pure soul and a clean conscience… and that’s what matters, because one day all actions will be accounted for.
ReplyDeleteHappy International Friendship Day! 🫶🌍
You're so right. Student years are, like, super important. And wow, that's amazing that your friendships are still strong after three decades. That's, like, true friendship goals.
DeleteTotally, you get it about that person. I'm just gonna keep being me with my pure soul and clean conscience. Thanks for saying that, it really helps.
Happy International Friendship Day to you too.
You weren’t stupid, just kind-hearted. I’ve had similar friendships too. Real friends are rare gems, and it sounds like you’ve found one.
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks. That's, like, totally sweet of you to say. It really helps to hear that I wasn't, like, silly or anything. Yeah, I guess real friends are super rare and special, like finding a sparkly gem. I'm so glad I have my besties now. Thanks again.
DeleteSome people take advantage, but the right friends remind us what loyalty really looks like.
ReplyDeleteAt 63, had my fair share of heartaches, blind spots, and lessons in trust—but it’s the genuine friendships that make the journey worth it.
That's, like, so true. Some people totally take advantage, but it's the real friends who show you what being loyal is all about. Wow, 63. You must have, like, so many amazing stories and lessons. It's really cool that even after all the tough stuff, the genuine friendships still make everything worth it. That's, like, really inspiring.
DeleteHappy birthday, Melody. I didn't know you graduated from medical school. Are you working as a doctor now? What's your specialty? What's your degree? Have a good week, Melody. 🙂✔🌹🎁🍀💕😊
ReplyDeleteOh dear, it's my friend's birthday, not mine. But thank you so much. Yeah, I actually graduated from medical school and am a gynecologist. I studied medicine, of course, so feel free to address me as Doctor Jacob. You have a good week too.
Deleteasí como no puede haber amor sólo de un lado, tampoco puede haber amistad de un solo lado. el amor y la amistad debe ser recíproco y equitativo para que funcione.
ReplyDeleteme pareció curioso que esta chica sólo pueda enamorarse de los novios de sus amigas; es como si quisiera demostrar que ella es mejor que sus amigas, como si estuviera en una especie de competencia.
You're totally right. Like, friendship and love should totally be two-sided, not just one way. It has to be equal for it to actually, like, work. And yeah, that kind of behavior is weird but what do I know?
DeleteMelody, congratulations on International Friendship Day!
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks. Like, happy International Friendship Day to you too.
DeleteNo me parece mal que la ayudases en tiempos difíciles para ella, creo que siempre lo hemos hecho. Pero también doy la razón a tu otra amiga ya que cuando disponía de dinero ni aportaba ni lo disfrutaba con vosotras.
ReplyDeleteUn antiguo compañero de trabajo es parecido te pedía cambiar turno cunado le venia bien y en ocasiones diciendo que tenía algún evento sin tener, hasta que un día le dije se acabo yo también tengo eventos.
Saludos.
Ugh, totally. It's, like, fine to help someone out when they're having a tough time, right? Friends do that. But then when they're, like, doing great and don't even think about sharing the good times or contributing, it's just so, like, not fair. Your coworker story is super relatable. It's like, hello, we have lives too. Good for you for telling him off.
DeleteYou were kind-hearted and a little naive, but you can only be true to yourself and it would have been unnatural for you to have behaved otherwise. Beware of people taking advantage of your good nature, though.
ReplyDeleteYou're, like, totally right. I guess I was just being myself, and it would've been, like, super weird if I acted differently. It's kinda hard to, like, watch out for people taking advantage when you just wanna be nice, though. But I'll totally try. Thanks for the heads-up.
DeleteGood friends are recognized by the fact that they stand by you even in bad times. I prefer a few good friends over many fleeting ones. It is good that you do not look back at your friend with regret.
ReplyDeleteTotally! Like, for sure, good friends are the ones who are, like, always there for you, even when things are super bad. I'm with you—I'd rather have a few amazing besties than, like, a million flaky ones. And yeah, I'm trying not to, like, regret anything with that old friend. It's better to just move on, right?
DeleteYou seem to see the best in others and you aren’t judgemental. It’s mostly a strength, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks. That's, like, a really nice thing to say. I try my best to see the good in everyone, and, like, not be judgey. It's cool that you think it's a strength.
Delete...we all need a friend!
ReplyDeleteThat is right.
DeleteNot stupid. A kind heart and perhaps limited experience with this type of person. It's best to let her go, if you haven't already.
ReplyDeleteI have. She didn't even want to stay in the first place lol. She wanted the big bling lifestyle, and I wish her well with her choice.
DeleteOoof I have definitely been there too, and it truly shows how valuable the real friends are and to cherish the even more. Happy International Friendship Day <3
ReplyDeleteYes, you're right. It helps us navigate life and choose the right people.
DeleteYou were just learning. To find your way, your relationships and yourself. We all do that in this age. True friends are few in our life A real blessing if you’ve got one
ReplyDeleteI already have good friends, and I'm happy with my current social circle. I hope she finds her way and that God blesses her.
DeleteFriendship is a very important and precious thing. In my opinion, true friendship is priceless. Melody, I thank you for sharing your sad story with us.
ReplyDeleteMelody, I send you my regards!
True friendship is priceless, and I've learned a lot. I'm happy I can share.
DeleteFeliz día de la amistad Melody, de las malas experiencias se aprende. Un abrazo amistoso
ReplyDeleteWe sure do, and I am glad we can grow and experience different situations at every stage of our lives.
DeleteI had no idea that it was International Friendship Day today! It's interesting because your story makes me reflect back on my friends throughout the years and I definitely had at least one that I just went along with and didn't realize how complacent I had gotten in our friendship until we went our separate ways for college. Now, I think about all of the friends I've made through work and other various activities and I'm so grateful for them and how they've helped me grow. Thanks so much for sharing!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how those days sneak up on us, isn't it? It's so common to have those "aha!" moments later on, realizing the dynamics of past relationships. Thanks for sharing your own reflections.
DeleteFirst of all, Melody, you look great! :) Secondly, everything you do is done from the heart. Yes, there are such "friends" who, like moths, fly to the light of a bright life and bright society. It seems to them that it is simply paradise there, and there they can "buy themselves a place". And it does not matter that they do not have enough money, status and many other things to be among the stars. But this is their problem, their unenviable life, filled with pain and loss, envy and a feeling of inferiority. Such people cannot stain your pure heart. That is why you did not attach much importance to such behavior of that girl. Another question: do you need such a burdensome relationship that does not give you anything.
ReplyDeleteI wish you and your best friend happiness!
Thank you so much. You've really hit on something about those types of "friends" who are drawn to a perceived "bright life." It's so insightful how you describe their internal struggles with envy and inferiority. You're absolutely right; their issues don't diminish a genuine heart. Thank you for your warm wishes for me and my best friend's happiness.
DeleteYou were trying to be a true friend to someone who was a fake friend, it can often take time to realise a friendship is one sided
ReplyDeleteYou've perfectly articulated it. It really does often take time to truly see when a friendship is one-sided, especially when you're genuinely trying to be a good friend yourself.
DeleteDear Melody, I echo Veronica's comment. She is better with words than I. Thank 😊 you so much for sharing this. You are a kind 😇 hearted ♥️ and lovely person. I am 68 and have been through many things in my life, but true friends and kind people will not take advantage of or use others for ill gain.
ReplyDeleteI also want to thank you for your kind comments on my blog posts and for taking time out of your busy day to visit me and I am deeply touched that you watched and enjoyed the Canada 🇨🇦 video. You are a shining light in the blog world and I really appreciate you.
I also agree with Veronica's comments, and I am glad that you can relate to them. Thank you for reading.
DeleteMelody, мне кажется, что многие проходят такой жизненный опыт.
ReplyDeleteИ нет, ты не была глупой. Ты была доброй и открытой для дружбы и взаимовыручки.
У меня тоже бывали в жизни однобокие отношения, чаще всего они сходят на "нет" в процессе общения, потому что дающий устаёт постоянно быть донором для второго, либо у него кончается ресурс и он становится неинтересен для второго. Когда я начала понимать, что некоторые люди любят использовать меня, я стала пресекать такие попытки. И кто-то ушёл из моего поля зрения, а кто-то по-прежнему пытается показать, что наши отношения нормальные, но я не иду на это.
С удовольствием поздравляю тебя и всех твоих друзей и читателей блога с днём Дружбы! А твою подругу с днём Рождения! Пусть всех окружает искренность и любовь.
It's empowering to learn to stop those attempts and recognize when relationships aren't genuinely reciprocal. Thank you so much for the warm wishes for me, my friends, and my blog readers on Friendship Day, and for wishing my friend a happy birthday.
DeleteWere you stupid or naive? Maybe naive, initially. I can see and feel exactly what you felt -- she needed support or cash and you had it and she didn't. (And to be fair, it took your friend six years to bring that discussion out, so I wouldn't beat myself up on that! You were kind, caring, generous and that is part of who you are. After you and your friend discussed this, you made a choice. I might have pulled back some. Friendships really work best when both people have a vested interest in being there for one another, including each other in their lives. We often have different groups of friends that don't always connect well. And not every group has to include everybody. But there should be equality, fairness and give and take on both parts. I feel fortunate to have both dear forever-friends, people who will always be there for me and I for them. And then friendly acquaintances (some former work colleagues, for example.) We may have lunch or go to a movie but it's not the same relationship of deep, personal conversations. We surround ourselves with all kinds of people. How we interact with them is our choice alone.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a thoughtful and insightful comment, and thank you for sharing your perspective. It's true, it took my friend a while to bring it up. You're absolutely right that friendships work best with mutual investment, fairness, and give-and-take. It's also a great point that not every group has to include everybody, and we do have different tiers of friendships—from "forever friends" to friendly acquaintances. Ultimately, how we choose to interact with all these people is indeed our choice. It's comforting to hear that you have those dear, forever friends, and it reinforces the value of those genuine connections. Thank you again for your valuable input; it's given me even more to think about.
DeleteIt sounds like your supposed friend is quite a selfish person who only takes but never gives. True friends would never act like that. I'm surprised you gave her the benefit of the doubt for so long, but I guess it proves that you are true friend material, while she clearly was not ... xxx
ReplyDeleteYou've really hit the nail on the head. It's a hard lesson, but definitely a clear one about who was truly "friend material" in that dynamic.
DeleteSometimes we think that a friend is someone who always says yes. For me, true friendship means always being honest and expressing what one thinks. Are you doing something foolish? I'll tell you, then I'll even join you in doing it to celebrate or to comfort you without ever saying 'I told you so'. Always being there and always telling the truth!
ReplyDeleteYou are right; true friendship is being honest and telling it as it is and pointing our friends in the right direction when needed.
DeleteThis was such an interesting read. Sometimes, we don't pick up on certain red flags or issues, so it is meaningful when others are able to. The fact that your friend pointed out that whenever the other person had money, she celebrated with different people must have been difficult to realize. It is admirable that you were so loyal to her despite this. That speaks to your kindness. Unfortunately, there are some people in the world who are not deserving of the rose coloured glasses we wear for them! Sometimes, the not so great friendships can actually highlight the great friends that we have in our lives. I think on International Friendship Day, it is wise to reflect on the friendships that are wonderful and fulfilling...and even the ones that left something to be desired.
ReplyDeleteRealizing that the person would celebrate with others when they had money, despite loyalty, was definitely a tough pill to swallow.
Delete